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We are in the middle of transitioning our two-year-old son from his foster family to our home. Our son has been in the same foster family for 15 months and he is very bonded to them. He calls his foster parents "Mommy" and "Daddy." And the foster parents still use those terms to refer to themselves. We have been meeting regularly for two weeks and the transition process will supposedly take four weeks. When should the foster parents start referring to us as Mommy and Daddy? I feel for them. They are not an adoptive family. How do I handle this?
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They should not stop referring to themselves as Mommy and Daddy. They should probably start using their first names with it though like Mommy Paige and Daddy James. Over time, they can drop the mommy and daddy and the child will still recognize them by the Paige and James names.
The child will determine when to refer to you as Mommy and Daddy. Please don't force this issue as it will just confuse him. Until then, use your first names (X & Y). Once he is in your home and looking like he has comfortably settled in, you can start referring to yourselves as Mommy X and Daddy Y.
Kim
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Definitely don't ask the foster parents to stop referring to themselves as Mommy and Daddy but rather (as Kim mentioned) start referring to yourselves as Mommy X and Daddy Y when talking to each other or in the third person such as "give the cup to Mommy X".
My foster daughter has been with me for 21 months, she's just now 2yrs old. When her visits started up again with her bparents they were forcing her to call them Mommy and Daddy. Not gentle by calling each other that for her to pick up on but rather correcting her and requiring her to call them Mommy and Daddy... even giving candy rewards for calling them Mommy and Daddy.
She has truly struggled behaviorally. She'll come home distant and reserved, sucking on her fingers and needing lots of extra loving... not her normal independent behavior at all. She's gotten sick easier, I believe due to the stress. Just a multitude of problems. Obviously it isn't all due to calling her parents M and D, however that is some of it.
We have also noticed since her parents require her to call them M and D the significance of the title means less to her. Before we were the only ones called M & D, now she will call all women "M" and all men "D". Not a good thing developmentally at 2yrs of age for her to go through an identity crisis.
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Thank you for the advice. I was not sure how to handle it. We have a three-year-old at home who calls us Mommy and Daddy and the whole thing can be very confusing. Especially since we are trying to explain to our three-year-old that he is getting a new brother and they will both have the same Mommmy and Daddy and will have to share. Thanks again!
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ranoutofnames
She has truly struggled behaviorally. She'll come home distant and reserved, sucking on her fingers and needing lots of extra loving... not her normal independent behavior at all. She's gotten sick easier, I believe due to the stress. Just a multitude of problems. Obviously it isn't all due to calling her parents M and D, however that is some of it.
We have also noticed since her parents require her to call them M and D the significance of the title means less to her. Before we were the only ones called M & D, now she will call all women "M" and all men "D". Not a good thing developmentally at 2yrs of age for her to go through an identity crisis.
Hmmm. Our 2 1/2 yo fs calls all men "daddy" and all women "mommy", too. He's called me mommy since day 1 and we've had him since he was 17 months old. His mom INSISTS that the boys call them "mom" and "dad", but the boys are refusing to comply. They always ask to go home (my house) shortly into the visit. The mom is furious and not the least bit understanding or gentle with them.
I believe that the 2 yo is suffering from identity crisis and other things as well.
He chews his finger nails, doesn't talk well, he acts more like he's a year younger, over all...
And we fear the court is going to reunify. Is there any thing we can do about this to prove that going home is NOT in their best interest??
It seems like there has to be some way to show the court that FS 2's behavior is not normal!
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StephanieMB
Hmmm. Our 2 1/2 yo fs calls all men "daddy" and all women "mommy", too. He's called me mommy since day 1 and we've had him since he was 17 months old. His mom INSISTS that the boys call them "mom" and "dad", but the boys are refusing to comply. They always ask to go home (my house) shortly into the visit. The mom is furious and not the least bit understanding or gentle with them.
I believe that the 2 yo is suffering from identity crisis and other things as well.
He chews his finger nails, doesn't talk well, he acts more like he's a year younger, over all...
And we fear the court is going to reunify. Is there any thing we can do about this to prove that going home is NOT in their best interest??
It seems like there has to be some way to show the court that FS 2's behavior is not normal!
Is there a therapist assigned to the children? What are the reasons you feel ru is not in children's best interests? If you have doubts, I hope there is someone to listen to you--
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If you don't mind, I would like to find out what is your transition schedule. I will (hopefully) will be transitioning soon. How did you determine the days/hours?
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