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Monday, my dh and I went to the FF hearing re: our fc.I was a witness and had to testify.I asked to be clued in... given some idea of what I'd be asked, how I should answer, etc. The lawyer didn't, the cw's didn't, (but they didn't have anything to go by either) nobody could/would help me.Thankfully, I was the last witness and was able to get a small idea of what to expect.Then my turn finally came (at 3:15--court began at 9AM)I answered questions put to me. I was cross-examined. I survived the day!The next day, the cw came for her scheduled monthly visit and told me that she and the lawyer wanted to let me know that I gave too much information yesterday in court, and after I had left the courtroom, the children's mom took my testimony apart and used to say I'm a bad foster mom. No one defended me in my absence.I feel like the system let me down! For one thing, our last name and address has always been private--- from the birthparents and family of our foster kids. I was forced in court to say and spell our last name! Now, they'll easily be able to locate us! Secondly, how can they say I said too much when I specifically asked for guidance and was given NONE??What have your experiences been? What would you have done in my shoes and what would you do now?P.S.i had posted a couple weeks ago about our fc placement not going well and wanting to have them removed. When I talked to the department about it, they offered daycare as a short-term solution until the judge determines what the outcome of the FF hearing is. And daycare is helping tremendously.
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Unfortunately they are probably trying to put their failures on your shoulders. Shame on them for not preparing you for what to expect. They might not have known the exact questions you would be asked, but be real, they had to know the type of questioning. They failed, not you.
If you have any more discussions with them about your testimony, you should make sure you put it all right back on them and explain that you asked for guidence and recieved none. You answered the questions that were asked of you to the best of your ability and truthfully. If they had wanted something else from you, then they should have informed you.
By the way, only a poor attorney goes into a court without at least preparing their clients/witnesses beforehand. Haven't been in court, just part of a family with judges and lawyers in it.
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we have ALWAYS gotten support and an idea of what to expect. the attys, cw, agency people went out of their way to make sure we were not scared before going in.
they should have guided you if they didn't want you to say too much. that's their job. what did they expect from you? you've never been in court before. stupid. just stupid of them.
When we went to court for our little one, they called me up on the stand-I was so nervous and my heart is so soft but I said I was NOT going to cry in front of her so-called mother and I didn't. I wouldn't even look at her because she knew she lied throughout the whole thing. Even though we lost our case I'm glad I did what I did and yes, whatever happened to b-parents not knowing where you live and your name-that's a bunch of bull. But we still pray she comes home-got 2 weeks till they go to court to ask for COPS on her-pray they do-got to get her BACK!
Stephanie, I'm not a foster mom yet, but I am an attorney for the state - believe me when I tell you that when things go bad, the blame rolls downhill - from the attorney to the CW to you. You weren't there, so you got stuck with it. It doesn't mean you did or didn't do *anything* - it means that the lawyer & CW didn't do their jobs. If they had a problem with what you said, they could have asked for a recess, or they could have done their jobs and prepped you ahead of time. It's an ethical and possibly legal violation for them to flat-out tell you NOT to say something you know to be a true answer to a question - they should not do that, but they should give you an idea of what to expect, and help you by making objections when the information isn't relevant. Truthfully, you may have said things that made THEM look bad, not you. If you are really troubled by this, you can write to the CW's supervisor, as well as the director of whichever state or county office provides the lawyers. You got blamed because they thought you were an easy target, but you do not have to be. I am so glad the daycare is making things easier. Thank you for all you do.Editing to add: Don't buy everything they tell you about birthmom taking apart your testimony and making you look bad. They are placing blame, and it's easy to do since you don't really know what went on. Also, the judge has read the file, and knows what birthmom's history is - he/she can figure out if she's in a position to complain about your mothering skills.