I'm a little different

Hello, I hope you do not mind if I chime in, I am A Firstmom and have not found my twin sons yet. Each of our (firstmoms) journeys are different so it is not a one size fits all...I do not know what was in your firstmoms thinking when she placed you and your sister. Sadly know one will really ever know. Forgiveness is the one emotion that can only come from deep within onesself, you have nothing to lose but... anger , pain, confusion and a sense of hate. These are worth casting away and never alllowing them back. You are beautiful YOU, you sound as if you love your children with all your heart...all except the part that has not forgiven...just imagine what love you can offer once you let all that stuff go with your now deceased firstmom...we all can only do our best.....Gods Blessings:grouphug:

It's hard for me to believe that anyone would give up a child except out of love. Maybe there are other motives, but I can't think of any. So, even if you don't think that it was the best thing to do, consider how hard it was for the bmom to give you up, but she did it anyway. It's much harder for me to forgive someone who intentionally did me wrong, but if someone makes a mistake but had honorable intentions, it's much easier. It's almost like they don't need forgiving at all because they didn't mean to hurt anyone and they honestly thought that what they were doing was the best for everyone. Perhaps if you thought that your bmom was guilty of making a mistake, but only had the best intentions at heart, that might make it easier.

Thank you both for your repsonses! It is greatly appreciated. I am more angry that I didn't get to grow up with my sister than I am anything else. I am smart enough to realize that my sister and I were MUCH better off with our adoptive families than with either birth parent. My bmother was an alcoholic and a drug addict .. her booze and drugs were more important than keeping her daughters together.

Hello. I'm sorry for what you had to go through of being denied the relationship with your sister that the two of you should have grown up having. The only encouraging words I can share are what a counselor friend told me, you cannot apply logic to people that do not think logically. My adoptive mother has been horrible going through me finding the truth and it was frustrating, I thought the hard part would be finding out about my bio family and instead it was being completely rejected by my adoptive family. I tried and tried to analyze and figure out why she did/said what she did, but it will never make sense. Some people just don't think right. You are obviously a very loving, nurturing mother and did not inherit that from your mother. Take care, I wish you the best. Amanda

Thank you Amanda. That does make sense. I thought the hard part would be finding my sister. My adoptive family wasn't very encouraging about my bio mother, they never cared much for her. My bio father's family raised me .. but the things my bio mother did was always hanging over my head. She lies, steals etc. Growing up wasn't easy for me. I guess I'm just glad that part is over. hehe Anyway .. I was only 17 when i found out that I was pregnant. I promised that baby that was growing inside me that he would have all that I wanted but didn't have. I was spoiled rotten .. and I think they were trying to compensate. I give my boys enough to keep them happy but I tell them no enough to keep them grounded. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't tell my boys that I love them and how proud I am of them. My oldest son is 15 now and I'm a single mom. He just met his dad 3 years ago. His dad put a gun to my head when the baby was about 3 months old. I didn't want my son to have the negative influence until he was old enough to understand the difference in the way that we live and the way that his dad lives. So my 15 year old is basically the man of the house. And he handles the responsibilities of it very well. I don't care much for the way he dresses, don't get me wrong he always looks nice. He takes care of his clothes and his 16 pairs of shoes (no joke there). He irons his clothes and the whole nine yards. But it's the style. He wears the baggy clothes that are "in" now. But how can I complain?? He does things around the house that I ask him to do (dishes, trash). And he gets good grades .. progress reports came out Friday, he has 3 A's and 3 B's. He respects me and our home and doesn't talk back to me. So .. He is the kid that I should have been. I think i've gotten a little off the subject here. But it's been a rough day. My kids have different dads and the younger one's dad says that my older son is too "gangster". I don't get it! Who am I to try to take this kids individuality away from him when he's such a good kid?!?

Hi cyndi Im a bmum and my mum took away my son in the hospital when i gave birth to him and gave him to the hospital. i never saw him again until he was 17 nearly 18. I never would have given my son up and still to this day cant fathom how my mum could ever do that. Yes i do undrstand in some way. Good luck

I don't know if my story may quite match yours but I can say that I relate to you with the forgiving part. I was separated from my mother at the age of 1, she left me with her uncle and aunt. I didn't see her again until I was 11 years old. But, I was only with her for a year before I was taken away into foster care for the second time. I am 19 now and have not seen her in over 7 years. I've had little to no contact with my family and I still miss them very much. But, the question that lingers in the back of my head is, Can I forgive them? Truthfully I don't know what the answer to that is. I mean yes my uncle molested me and my mom beat me to a pulp. But, I don't know if it's just that easy to forgive. I can tell you that it has not been an easy ride. I love my mom, but I don't love what she has done. So it is within yourself whether or not you want to forgive her. It is something you have to decide whether or not she is worth forgiving.

I truly understand. My paternal family adopted me and suddenly I have suffered this depression from the reunion that was rejected from my sister. I have been so depressed over this and a few other things that I havent even spoken to my oldest sister which has been in reunion with me for over 2 years. It hurts so bad. good luck

I am not sure that I can relate totally to your feelings, but I am an adoptee and also a birthmom. Forgiveness is something that I have been working on for quite some time. Forgiving my bmom for giving me up and also myself for doing the exact same thing. One thing that I have learned is that forgiveness is not for the other person (whether they "deserve" forgiveness or not). Forgiveness is selfish, it is for me/you. You will never be truly free or happy until forgiveness can be given.

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