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I'm still in the cautiously optimistic phase. We've had some more conversations with the facilitator and agency involved, and feel that everything is on the up-and-up, but of course there are things that could happen, and she might not place, etc. I know, we're all told not to get our hopes up. Sometimes I feel like PAP's aren't supposed to get happy until finalization. Anyway, guess that's kind of a tanget there.
When did you announce to family and friends that you are matched? The e-mom we're matched with is due 8/26, and she's going to be induced 9/3 if she doesn't go on her own. So, there's not too much time there, and we might have to take off sometime soon. I did have to tell the Board of a group I'm on, as I'm hosting a meeting next week, just in case. I didn't really want to tell just yet. We did tell my parents because they are loaning us some of the money, and are going to be taking the girls while we're away.
So when did you tell?
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We are choosing not to tell anyone (except our families and REALLY close friends) until TPR is signed. We have been though having to tell everyone about losing our boys and I just do not want to have to do something like that again. I know it will be hard (I tend to have a big mouth which makes it even harder to not share good news :) ), but I would only tell the people that you have to and people you would want to lean on if the match should fall through. That is just what we have decided to do :)
Good Luck though and congrats on your match!
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We told my parents immediately, and others about a week beforehand my son was due. I think it's nice that some are able to wait until TPR occurs, however, for some of us it is a longer time, not just a few days. For my son, almost 7 weeks and we were in our hometown. It wasn't plausible not to tell people.
We've told everyone. All our family and all of our friends. We've been matched since March and our emom is due in a few days. If the match did fall through I'd be pretty down if I kept it to myself or not, this way at least my friends will know why and hopefully they'll be right there to help me cope.
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I was like Shadowfaerie, we told our friends and family then our jobs, gradually, but our news was widely known. We did have two failed matches and it actually helped us to have people there who at least gave me a wide berth, or if not, seemed to just be kind. I've learned, though, that some people will have ridiculous comments no matter what, it's just the way of the world. When our two children (who were adopted) came earlier than anticipated, it helped that our news was known, so we could just call and say "we're gone" and we'll let you know along the way. Both relinquishments took quite some time (one TPR along the way, as well), but not for several months, so it'd have been impossible to not have shared our children! That was just us, and what was right for us, though. Most importantly, this is your time, so you want to do what feels right to you. susan
We told the whole world, too. Everyone knew we were "waiting" so when we got "matched", news spread like wildfire. We did have a few fails along the way, but family & friends were so supportive during that time. There was no way we would have made it through the ups an downs without their support. It meant so much to us to have their encouraging words and prayers.
Good luck to you!!!!
--Renee
Since Ty was already born, we only called our parents and reinforcements (the people we had lined up "in case" we were placed with a born baby) My sister sent an e-mail to all of our friends, and my mom called her family, my dad called his (they are divorced) and DH called their's. We shut off our cell phones and packed :) I actually told my sister to figure out a way in her e-mail to nicely tell everyone to BACK OFF :) E-mails were ok, but I knew the next 48 hours would be really stressful and we needed some space. She instituted a don't call them, they will call you rule and it worked great. Everyone got really excited (maybe I just have an excitable family?) so I knew we needed rules in place or we would have 40 messages each when we turned the phones on :)
With our adoption we got the first call at 9:42 am and held our baby at 2:21 pm, so it all was so fast.
When I was pregnant we told close family and friends almost right away. At my age I was at high risk for a miscarriage and I wanted support if it happened. However, I did not tell anyone at work until after the amnio results came back. I couldn't bare having people congratulate me if I'd had to make a horrible decision.
My advice is tell those who will be supportive if the match fails and hold off telling those who it will be terrible if they know that things went bad.
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For our failed match... we had matched with the E mom when she was just 20 weeks pregnant, and we told everyone right away. It was hard to tell so many people that the match fell through. For our 2nd match, we had heard of the situation, but only said something to my mom and sister. Even after matching with DS's Bmom, we didn't tell anyone else. My mom said it was so hard not to tell b/c she was with my entire extended family for Thanksgiving when I told her we officially matched...so I told her to tell. DS was born a day later (a few weeks early) and so anyone who hadn't been told found out. It was funny because I didn't tell anyone in my classes (I'm a grad student working on my clinical practicums for SLP) about the situation and I came back from Thanksgiving break with a newborn. talk about a surprise for everyone. I say go with what you're comfortable with. It's hard not to shout it to the world when you're so excited about the idea of having the baby placed with you. Good luck!
We were so excited to be matched that we told everyone. Unfortunately, the match has fallen through...we think. The baby was born last week and the birthparents took her home. They haven't decided for sure if they are going to keep her, but we are assuming that they are. The agency hasn't given up hope that they will decide to place as they have no real means to provide for her....Anyways, looking back, I kind of wish we hadn't told everyone, but I too have a BIG mouth and it is just so exciting when you finally do get matched. We had even spent about 5 hours with the birthparents and felt everything was ok. I think that next time we will be a little bit more tight lipped. The hard part isn't so much explaining it to the adults as it is to the children. We have about 18 really close little guys/gals in our group all under 12 and they all knew when I was pregnant both times and lost the twins and now with this match they are really confused as to why Tickle Tad and Aunt Mimi never get to bring a baby home.
But more than likely we will be so excited again that we'll tell everyone just like we did this time!
We had a quick match too, found out on Tuesday night, brought him home on Wednesday night. We live in a small town with most of our family and friends nearby. Not alot of people even knew we were planning to adopt.We told my parents, mostly because I wanted my mom to come help me clean my house :eyebrows: . We got home from the hospital with DS about 7:30 at night (TPR was done). We called my inlaws on the way home from the hospital and told them to come over, we had something we wanted to talk to them about. When they came in, we handed them DS. Looking back I'm not sure if that was a cool or a cruel thing to do, but when the surprise is a baby, it's hard to be mad. Our house ended up being super crazy that night as the word spread, but I wouldn't take it back for anything. My older son was walking around the neighborhood @ 9:00 at night telling neighbors, they were coming over in their PJs. Great memories!
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I told everyone right when we were matched. The eparents changed their minds in the middle of the match and we told everyone that too. We felt lots of prayers and support through that time and it made it easier. They are now back to an adoption plan so we're eagerly waiting for her to have him. If she changes her mind again, our support system will be there for us. Everyone is different, though!
With DD, it was a very short timeframe and we told our close friends and family about the possibility the same time it was happening. DD was born 48 hours after we met her mother. We did it for a couple of reasons, the main one was that we needed support. We had been through alot of stuff before that and decided not to tell people what was going on. This time, regardless of the outcome, we talked to people about the possibility. With DS, although we were committed to seeing the possibility through, we were alot less naive which made us a lot less "certain" of the outcome. We didn't tell very many people at all.