Why Family vs. Foster

September 22, 2024

I am very sorry for the frustration you must be feeling. It must be awful to face this dilemma and love a child who may or may not be leaving;(

The ENTIRE system is broken and in our case we are on the flip side. I am the maternal aunt who DID speak up IMMEDIATELY and now a year later, my nephew is being fought over. It hurts everyone, sometimes I wonder what the fp must be feeling.......I do feel sad for them sometimes, imagine their pain. THEN I get angry because they have known about me for sure, for months and have fought us. It is not our fault that they live 12 hours away. It is also not their fault they care about my nephew.

I blame the system first, then.............. these particular fp. (that is a long story most don't go this way so please don't think I am downing other fp;)

Have you tried contacting the family? Maybe if they saw you together, or you got the entire story, are you willing to include them? Just some ideas. It is an awful situation, again so very sorry. Maybe some good communication would change things or at least answer some questions.

I just wanted you to know that sometimes SW keep things from you or from the birth families too. Due to HIPAA and some poor-mannered SW things get sticky and navigating through this process is HARD!

Our case is a lot different too in the respects that the fp are friends with our estranged mother (so they knew even more about me) and there was some physical abuse from another child in the fhome that CPS did not take seriously. I am still flaming mad over that one!:eek:

Best Wishes to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND from a relative.........thanks for caring for that baby;) There were so many nights I couldn't (still can't) sleep worrying about my nephew.

P.S. THANKS for whomever said "I hope this is not a relative vs. fp thing;)" I agree this is a case by case kind of topic;))):cheer:

Legislation needs to change and things need to be more clear for EVERYONE, more help navigating the system needs to be printed. SW are not God and sometimes they take matters into their own hands, for either side and that is sad...................

Unfortunately, too many potential adoptive parents claim they will keep the family involved and then don’t follow through with those promises once the child is legally theirs. So, for this reason, I don’t think any family would be willing to step aside and allow fp’s to adopt knowing that they could cut them out at any moment in the future. It would be better for the bio family to fight and then keep the fp involved as supportive family friends.