Need Help, Kinship Foster

No direct knowledge of how that works; just want to say good for you for being there for this child. I hope the CW communicates with you tomorrow, and your nephew comes to you. Let us know how it goes-

I have no info either... I hope you learn something soon!

Thank you. I have her contact info from earlier in the week. So, I'm going to call her pretty much at 9am on the dot this morning.

Some of the rules will depend on your state/county/province. Generally, Kinship placements are handled differently than non-kinship (here they are called "unrestricted") placements. In Mass, the unrestricted home must have all of the paperwork (homestudy, inspections, classes, background checks) done before a placement can happen. A kinship home can be approved almost immediately (with a quick background check and a caseworker doing a site check at the home) and they complete the rest (homestudy and classes, etc.) while the child is in the home. Regarding advance notice that a foster placement is coming . . . I have had advance discussions with DCF about one child who cam into my care. We knew that one foster careplacement was leaving and DCF knew that another was going to need a placement the same week. We agreed to take him on a Thursday. The worker called on Tuesday and said she was on her way to my house - in fifteen minutes. Otherwise - it is typical to have only an hour or two notice before a placement. Once you are approved - they call when thay have a child who needs a placement . . . as soon as you are available (today).

It is wonderful that you will be there for baby. I hope this caution is not too late. Be very careful. It sounds as if they are trying to do a family-to-relative placement with no state custody. That may mean that there will be no state foster case and that you will have legal custody. And that means your in-laws will then be fighting you in court to get the baby back and that you will have to pay all the legal freight to show why that is not in baby's best interest, etc., in other words, you may find yourself building and running a "private" foster care case in effect, with you paying for everything--medical care, support, baby's services, investigation costs, costs of getting expert testimony and evidence, and on and on. I have friends who did this. They were convinced early on to help "avoid foster care" by taking guardianship of a child directly. Long story short, they have spent over $25K on legal costs through a period when the parent was receiving services and working a court-ordered plan into filing for TPR and trying to prosecute a private TPR. I'm sure the total tab will be over $30K by the time they are done. In the meantime, because the child was never in the foster system, never qualified for Title IV-E, there is no Medicaid and their employer-provided insurance doesn't begin to cover the things this child needs. We are relatives fostering a relative. This by far has worked out well on the support and legal side as far as the parents' case plan, services, TPR, etc., although even there there have been many difficulties due to the fact that we are relatives and the particular state we've dealt with does not follow federal laws. New York state does, at least on paper. Anyway, it is a lie that the baby should automatically go to a "neutral unrelated foster family" just because the parents don't come up with a family-to-family placement prior to the state taking custody. That is against the law. When the child goes into state custody, social services MUST try to place with a relative first, whether it is an unlicensed kinship or foster licensed relative. This is what you want to happen--you want to take placement, not legal custody, from the state, not directly from your relative. Keep working your license requirements, it only helps, but not having it does NOT eliminate you as a state placement. Tell the social worker you have no interest in doing the state's work for it but do want to foster/care for the child while proper CPS and foster care cases go forward. Back that conversation up by stepping up in writing with a copy to the director of the agency stating your willingness and ability to care for the child while a foster care case goes forward, your homestudy status, your foster credits and plans for licensing, etc., and especially any prior relationship with baby that shows placement with you is continuing and strengthening family relationships that are important to the baby (not the other way around). If you are going to be willing to adopt in the event that RU is not possible, now is the time to say so...but don't give an opinion on whether or not RU should happen. If you don't know how you feel about that now, just don't mention it at all. It is in your interest to do this even if you get baby today and it will be after the fact. You want to document any and all proactive steps you take. If this caution is too late, get in touch with the cw and tell her your concerns. If she essentially says so sad, too bad, it's your problem now, contact an attorney NOW. Get a list of guadian ad litems used by the court for foster care cases and start calling. Find one that also does private practice, seems to know what they're talking about, and with whom you are comfortable. The thing is, if you have legal custody and don't fight the parents, they get the baby back, then something happens again, it really hits the fan. The worst, of course, is for the baby's sake, but there would be a lot of other blowback on top of that and then baby may well disappear into the unrelated foster world. It can be a whirlwind. Thank goodness you are in the same state as the child! That is a huge complication removed. Going forward, you may find the hardest thing is not caring for the child but dealing with your family. Uggh. That is another post, BUT: Just remember that your boundaries need to be as strong or stronger than they would be if you were fostering a stranger's child. Your relative have no more right to unauthorized contact with or information about the child than any other parents or family in their situation. The litmus tests for every request are: Would this benefit baby and is this allowed by social services? The answer to both questions needs to be "yes." If you give in to relatives wanting inappropriate favors, you may jeopardize baby's placement, possibly losing him to strangers, eventually, forever in a closed adoption. Enlisting the cw to tell the parents what is and isn't allowed and not allowing cw to tell them "oh, it's up to her" goes a long way to keeping you out of the line of fire. Again, good luck and blessings!

The worker will place the child in your home and yes it is possible for the bios to give you the childs things and it will not be a problem @ all. kinship caregivers are given the same subsidy as foster parents as long as you do NOT sign up for CUSTODY or GUARDIANSHIP. if the worker asks do you want either of those simply say you would prefer to be the childs foster placement instead. pm me if you have more direct questions I started this journey as a kinship fosterparent over 14 years ago and worked for the administration for 12 yrs

I 2nd the go for Foster PArent of the Child status! We did kinship care of our son for a month before our foster license was finalized because the foster home said he (13 mos)and they were getting too attached and they didn't want to keep him the extra month since they weren';t going to keep him for the long haul. The stark differences between that month as kinship and once we were foster parents was amazing. They provide more services to the child,services and education to the foster parents, reimbursment is more realistic ($116/mos for kinship, $401/mos for foster), they handle all the court stuff, they actually visit the child when they are in a foster home instead of just abandoning him with the relative family (we could have been letting him see his bios all day every day and they never would have known, because they never showed up to check on him). Once we adopted him, because he was a foster child and not a kinship placement, he qualified for medical subsidy which continued to cover all of the services he will need (PT, OT, counselling, speech, etc) and all his medical needs until he is 21, He will recieve a 4 free years of college education, and we will continue to recieve his subsidy until he is 18 to offset any extra costs that we and he incurr. His adoption cost us absolutley nothing (minus the $20 for a new birth cert). ABSOLUTELY none of these things, NOR any of the Support in court, nor the cost of the adoption, Nor the respect of people who know we jumped through all the hoops to make it work, and the opprutnity to foster more children would have happened if we had allowed them to leave him in our care as guardians. For all we know he may not even have been TPR'd because it would have been so much more difficult to do and the time limits placed by foster care would not have been in effect. 4 years later he could still have been living eith us under guardianship with no closure in sight. I will caution you that relative/kinship care is difficult due to the impact it has on family relationships, but it can be rewarding. More support and info can be found on the Adoption Boards under the forum Relative Adoption or PM for any questions.

Thank you. This is just getting messier by the hour today. Turns out, because we are in a different county, they could not place the baby w/ us today. We live essentially in the last town of our county, and the babies home was in the first town of the next county. We lived within 10 minutes of the babies home. However, per the CW being in different counties is a problem. She did confirm that both my BIL and his girlfriend agreed that they wanted the baby to go to us. So, he went to an emergency placement home today. On Monday we have a meeting w/ the CW, the parents of the baby (who she is suspecting are going to be charged w/ the abuse in the next week or so), and I think the babies mom's parents (for some reason they were not eligible to take in the baby...they were denied altogether). She did mention something at the meeting about us taking "custody" of the child. I was confused, so I want to thank you for the head's up on that. What if they essentially say it's you take custody of him, or he stay's in foster care where he's at. If push came to shove......I don't think I could say no. I love my nephew, and I'm just heartbroken today. I guess I'll have to wait until Monday to find out what is happening.

if they pull the take custody or the child remains in the current foster home. go to court and tell the judge that you want to take in your nephew but you do not wish to have custody of him, you wish to have him as a kinship foster placement so that the bios will recieve services in order to one day regain custody of their son, but that in the event that the bios dont complete the caseplan you would be willing to adopt this child and give him the permanancy he deserves.

Yes. Additionally, check out NY State Laws, starting here: Adoption.com - Information on International, Domestic, Child & Agency Adoptions, Stories, Laws. I'd suggest especially reminding the cw of the one that says they are supposed to visit and approve you within 24 hours. Also, I'd give your former licensing worker a call and get his/her input--mine were invaluable resources and reality checks on what "should" be vs. what the cw was telling me... Use your time this weekend to set up for baby! (beg and borrow as much as possible....:) If the baby is in an emergency placement, more likely than not that foster is an emergency bed, not a long-term bed. If that is the case, then the agency will be glad to have you on board since they need that emergency bed for other ex parte removals. We did get that threat, even after placement...it turned out to be a bluff--after several months of standoff, that is. Good luck!

I want to thank everyone for their input and knowledge. I've been a mess all day. From what I know the baby definetly went to a neutral foster home today. We have a meeting Monday afternoon. I guess the babys mother's family is contesting our taking in the baby. The are convinced we'll let my BIL see him whenever he wants and they'll never see them. This will give us the opportunity to reassure everyone that we intend to fully follow the rules in regards to contact on all relatives part. I am truly disgusted by what happened to that baby. Neither mom nor dad are admitting to what happened. However, a medical cause for this 2 month old babies multiple fractures and internal injuries has been ruled out. So, someone did something awful to him. However, I intend to treat both my BIL and his girlfriend w/ respect and kindness while they visit the baby (if they are allowed to- which I know is all determined by the state and what the investigation ends up showing). Anyhow, I guess the mothers parents dug up a great aunt or something who said she'll quit her job and use the foster stipend to live on (that is totally unreasonable). So now she wants the baby. I'm assuming that this type of statement will rule her out, but evidently it's enough that they said they must consider her. So, please keep us in your thoughts on Monday. We have a meeting w/ the parents, my husband and I, the babies maternal grandparents (remember they've been disqualified to get the baby), and this great aunt. The meeting is to have all interested parties try to work out an arrangement w/ a mediator for placement. Is this typical???? I guess there is the wrench being thrown in that we're not blood relatives. Unfortunately we are step-relatives. My husband and my BIL were raised in the same house for nearlhy their whole lives. My husband's mother had sole custody of him, and my BIL's dad (my husbands step-father) had sole custody of him. So, they've been raised as brothers. In NY, step-family is considered a second degree relative. So, we are eligible for placement. However, the maternal familes arguement is we're not "blood" family like the great-aunt is. The other thing, the great-aunt met the baby for the first time the other day. We've taken care of the baby, we've seen him every couple of days since he's been born. That has to count for something I would think. The other thing I do not understand is, if the babies mother and father agreed yesterday that we should have the baby placed w/ us.....how is it that her parents even get a say? Or am I being fed bogus info?

(1) Such meetings can be typical. We did one in MA once re a niece. The "other side" was not legally related at all--the mother's current boyfriend's parents--but they had a grandparent relationship with her, so it made sense. (2) Step = second degree? Really? That doesn't seem right to me. In any case, I would be surprised if it turned out to be a very meaningful chip. The psychological benefits of a living vs. legal relationship are pretty well understood...placement with you keeps baby in his family with people he has a prior relationship with. Be careful of talking about how you would allow this or that in visitation, contact, etc. It could be misinterpreted and used against you, in the minds of ss, as a dangerous lack of boundaries. Leave contact in all its respects to social services--again, that's another post, but it generally does not work out well for family to supervise visitation even though many cws are all too glad to dump that chore on you. (3) I'm betting that when great-aunt finds out how low the stipend is and realizes she can't live on the formula WIC might provide, that whole idea will go away. There are also the special needs this child may have as he grows--this amount of trauma can leave deep psychological scars, the kind leading to behavioral and emotional disturbances. Or not. You don't know.... (4) No, parents don't get much say if child is in state custody. That bodes well for you on the custody/foster placement issue...child is already in state custody so at least now there can be no relative-to-relative placement. They could still pressure you into accepting legal custody from them, but depending on NY law, that may actually be illegal--you need to check placement priority in state law and see if it has the relative loophole. (5) Finally, is great-aunt willing and able to adopt if there is no RU? If ss is already considering a concurrent plan or sees the potential for it in the next year, it will want a placement that can transition to permanency. This would be another chip in your basket so be sure to bring it up.

I just wanted to say as for contact and visitation, we want to uphold what ever the state says should happen. The misconception is that we'll allow my husbands family to have free-reign. That is not the case, we intend to abide by all rules set forth. I just meant that I intend to be both gracious and kind to any of the members involved that I have to have contact w/. I'm so angry w/ them, but at the same time, I feel so bad for them. I guess it came to light over the weekend, that CPS/SS believed that the babies mom still lived w/ her boyfriend. This past week (while the baby was in the hospital) she moved home w/ her parents. Anyhow, the great aunt lives in an "in-law" type suite within the same home as the babies mother and grandparents. So, I'm sure that will negate the great-aunt from being able to get custody of the baby I'm assuming. They all live it at the same addresss, under the same roof. I want whatever services are available to him. Specificaly in the medical, interventional, and legal aspect. As far as his basic needs, such as diapers and formula, clothing, ect..........it sounds as though the aunt cannot afford them, we can, when push comes to shove. We have 1 stay at home parent, so the child will not need daycare. We have a 3rd bedroom in our home, that is a spare room, that the my nephew can have as his room. I guess the babys maternal aunt (the babies mom's sister) tried to get the baby, but she was already denied. She has 5 kids of her own under 6 yrs old (she's only 21 one too- she's the twin of the baby's mom). She lives in public housing, and 100% on the system. I guess they told her they did not see her as being capable to provide for the baby. I want to thank everyone for "talking" to me. I'm just a wreck, and so worried about him. I understand that if the baby is not placed w/ us that I have to accept that as what was meant to be. I'm just having a hard time waiting to find out.