What do birthparents look for when choosing a profile?

My first advice to you is to forget whatever any agency tells you. We are birth parents to children and went through tons and I do mean tons of profiles between both adoptions and the first thing we started to notice is how alike all the profiles are. We finally got an answer with the last adoption from one prospective couple that all the agencies gave them a basic form and "edited" their profile "for them". Honestly the ones that stood out would be ones that where different and "broke the mold". As a birth parent I really never cared how many times someone went on vacation. The big things have always been: 1. Open or closed (and I have to ask be honest, I do understand how many Ap's want children but all you do by lying is hurt everyone involved) 2. How long have you wanted a child (you would be surprised how many couples we looked into to find out that one of them didn't want children yet) 3. How do you plan on raising the child (do one of you plan on staying home, this honestly was a big point to us. what forms of punishment you believe in,ect.) 4. About you and your spouse (this really does help in deciding, how long you've been together. What you do for employment, not because of the money a BP can get but to show you are stable and if your job is dangerous. An AP who is a deep sea fisherman is not as favorable as a doctor. Ect) 5. The biggest thing is almost all profiles start the same "Thank you for reading our profile" and "We understand what a tough decision this is for you" or "What a rough time you are going through". Please and I do mean PLEASE come up with something new. One whether or not it is meant to seem condescending or not, it often comes off this way. As birth parents sitting down to read these few first words it always goes through your mind "no you don't". I do not want to come off being mean here but there are obvious differences here. For AP's it is a very happy time for most BP's the worst thoughts go through their minds at this time. The AP's may think they understand but in our experiences most do not. 6. I know I have already touched on this but it needs repeating. Be Honest any BP you would want carrying a child is going to care if you lie, and remember they can always decide against you if they find out. Lying is just a waste of every ones time. We really hope this was helpfull.

I know for me I wanted to get a glimpse of their lives. Be yourself - sorry I know that's really vague, but it's true.

I wanted a family with siblings for my child, similar views on parenting and life in general and the stability of a two parent home.

I didn't have the luxury of choosing the parents. At the time I was making an adoption plan, the agency chose the parents. I only got to see a picture of the couple, and was able to learn their occupations, ages, a few of their hobbies, a little bit about their personalities, and their ethnicity. I was told if I was uncomfortable with anything about them, the agency would choose another couple, but that was their first pick. They used to "match" in those days. So, for instance, if the child was bi-racial, they'd try to find a bi-racial couple, so that the child might resemble the adoptive parents. I hope I am not being too blunt here, but if I were making an adoption plan today, my main concern would be that the aparents were tailoring their profile to tell me what they think I'd want to hear in order to up the odds of me selecting them, rather than presenting themselves as they are (and I'm not talking about the "holiday letter" version, either). Anyone can look good on paper. I would say please be honest and up-front, don't try to appear perfect (nobody is) and don't worry so much about what the birthparents are looking for. You have to be you, and the birthparents who are right for you will be drawn to you.

As a b-mom I can tell you that we like to see "natural pics. Extended family, pets etc. We don't care if you went on a cruise etc. HONESTY!!!!! We want to know what kind of family you were raised in, how long you've been married etc. Don't tell us how great of a person you are because we determine that later on... We want to know what you hope to provide for this child.

I liked this very much. Would you please be willing to read our profile and give us feedback? This is NOT a solicitation. I simply want to know what a birth mom would think, upon reading our profile. Moderators, please let me know if this request is OK.

You can't post a dear profile letter on the site. however if you would like to summarize a few things you have written for feedback, you can certainly do that. Posting it on the forums in it's entirety though does lend itself to solicitation. Even if it wouldn't be your intent to solicit, it can come off that way to people. Most people do a sample of "How does this sound? "We would like an open adoption with you and will do pictures every month" - just a bit of something they need more help with or need feedback on.

I know this is going off topic a bit, but I wanted to respond... My partner and I are a couple waiting to adopt. We felt the same thing when we browsed through profiles! However, in the end 2 things happened. One was that we were told to write something in regard to how we felt about the birthmom. And second, by that time we read so much about the process that the birthmom goes through that we really felt so much admiration that someone would be so selfless and love their child so much! It was hard because the same thing had been said so many times...

I am an adoptive mom, but I have been reading and talking to a lot of first moms. I would say the most important thing is honesty. Here is the thing, expectant moms just like any other group of people are each individuals. They are not all the same. Above someone posted that they wanted thier child to have siblings. We were rejected by an expectant mom because she wanted her child to be an only child. Some want a stay at home mom, some want a mom that works. Some want a home with pets, others don't. I think if you are honest, and not condescending the right match will come. Assume that the person you are writing to is an intelligent person, because, well she is. I have read a few letters that sound like they are written for six year olds. Make it less an advertisement and more about who you really are.