Advertisements
I have a 4 year old daughter. She found her way home when she was 14 months old. She has a 3 year old sister who was adopted by another family. Both girls see each other often. My daughter calls her sister & she calls my daughter sissy. Someone made the comment to me that we were confusing them & they would be better off not knowing each other or being together. We are trying to do the right thing. What do you as an adoptee think?
Like
Share
Advertisements
maddiesmom - I'm not an adoptee, but an adoptive mom...
I have two boys - both adopted. AJ (my 7 year old) has 2 bio 1/2 sibs...one from firstmom one from firstdad...
He considers them his brothers. If you ask him how many brothers he has, sometimes he says one, sometimes he says three, depending on how often he's thinking of the other two...but there is no confusion. And my kids are certainly better off knowing AJ's other brothers...
If outsiders are confused, too bad. It's probably just outside the norm and/or "awkward" for the person who said that, and therefore, they are pushing THEIR own agenda onto you...
Besides - what would be more confusing...Continuing what you're doing or severing the bond that the kids already have?
Advertisements
I am a birthmother, not an adoptee, but I agree that the sisters should stay in touch. What harm is there in them knowing one another? I don't see how they will be confused, so long as everyone is up-front and honest about their relationship and how they are connected. I say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. If this has been working for your family and your daughter's sibling and her family, why change it? I think all of a sudden stopping contact would be confusing, not to mention, hurtful. I also think it's awesome that the girls can have this connection. Kudos to you for facilitating it.
maddiesmom, Good for all of you!! I think if your daughter's are happy, healthy and you as parents are good with it you should continue. Why anyone would tell you that your girls are confused is beyond me. They don't sound confused to me. Some day I imagine you will need to explain some things to the girls but they will have a great relationship with eachother to support them each. As adoptee, I wish I would have had a sibling to relate to. I am NOTHING like my adoptive parents/siblings. I was the square peg they kept trying to ram into a round hole. So sorry, but you have to be who you are and your girls will help each other out as they get older, maybe they can make sense of adoption together, it is an odd concept, at least is still is for me in my 40's.
Advertisements
Adoptee here... Yes, Yes and Yes... As an adoptee you have more than one family, it is not confusing as a child. As a child it was very straight forward that I had two families, one I lived with and I didn't. Kids don't have the many points of reference that adults have, we have facts that were told to us. Kind regards,Dickons
As an adoptee I can tell that if they are raised this way they will see and accept it as normal. While I think it would have confused me, I cant say for certain that if my parents (both a&b) had allowed my bsibs and I to be raised knowing each other as siblings I would have just accepted it.
I think alot has to do with open adoptions and adoption these days in general. I was from the closed era where there was lots of secrecy so naturally there would be no chance of knowing bsibs. Sadly when I did find them I was met with great resistance.Maybe if thing were more open things would have been different.
EZ
Advertisements
My daughter has several siblings but we only have contact with one. It is the only one that she has ever known. I strive to keep that connection open for her. SHe is too young to do it now, as is your daughter. It is up to us and I feel that it is important to do this as long as it is not a situation that is going to hurt the child.