single mom adopting more than one child?

I have a single, older woman friend who adopted twins from China in the early days of China adoption; they are now teenagers. She has always seemed to do well, even though the girls had some medical issues. Fortunately, this woman has a profession that pays well and offers a good bit of flexibility. She also has a decent support system, but I'm sure it hasn't always been easy. Even if they are adopted sequentially, parenting two as a single can be difficult. I have a close friend with two very active girls from China, adopted at different times, and she has always been very busy. She is lucky to have an excellent support system, strong financial resources, and early retirement -- all factors which have definitely helped -- but even she has sometimes been a bit stretched, especially since her elderly parents have begun to require some help and since she went through a serious illness at one point. I would say that, if you want to adopt more than one child, whether simultaneously or sequentially, you should be very realistic about your situation. Do you really have enough money to raise two, especially two who may well have previously undiagnosed medical or emotional problems? Can you afford child care for two? (It's really expensive, especially if you have infants.) Do you have good health insurance? What if your children require special schools? What happens if you lose your job? Do you have a really, really good support system of family and friends, if you should become ill or simply need help? There are going to be times when you need "an extra pair of hands". Do you have time to raise two, when you are working? As your children get older, they will be going to a variety of activities, and even with one child, you sometimes find that you are living in your car, taking the child here and there. Can you handle it with two? Overall, unless you have extremely strong financial resources, a flexible job, and a wonderful support system, my advice to you would be to adopt one child, raise him/her for a year or two, and then see how you feel about adopting another. Many people decide, after having one child, that their expenses and time requirements were more than they expected, and that having one is sufficent. Others look at their adjustment, their bank balance, and so on, and think, "I think I can handle two." Sharon

Gotta tell you that I'm a new single mom & I'm so grateful that I only have one....can't imagine how I would cope with two at once with just me. I do have good income that could support us but don't have the best support system (no family living locally). I understand the impulse but for me one & only one is the right answer. I will also tell you that the int'l adoption clinic I use advised everyone not to adopt 2 children at once. One now, one later was their answer....unless actual twins. Their advice was based on the fact that all internationally adopted kids have some issues (developmental & otherwise) and that taking on two (with different issues) is just so overwhelming for parent(s) and children.

I most definitely can! I, single at 42, adopted twin boys, (2 weeks shy of 4 years old) in April of 08. There are many days when I questioned my sanity...especially at the beginning. But, I also attribute much of our difficulties to the age of the boys. They had to learn English and had been in an orphanage for close to 4 years. Now, 10 months later, I am so glad that I adopted two!!! They are adorable, loving, make me laugh ( and sometimes cry) and the best thing I ever did for myself!!!! More importantly, they have each other! Why two??? If you're like me you always wanted kids and weren't fond of the only child idea. I knew I couldn't afford to adopt twice and the whole process is so overwhelming. So, when I looked into it, I found it that I could adopt 2 in Russia...only if they were siblings. I requested two kids anticipating that they would be around 2 and 4 years old. Instead, I was told that twin boys were available and they were 3 yrs 8 months old. The whole process was very frightening...yet i think it would have been just as frightening if I were adopting only one. Moreover, when adopting from Russia, you pay an additional $5,000 for the second child. I joke and say that my kids were sort of buy one get one free(BOGO)! Had I adopted a second child later on I would have had to pay the close to $50,000 all over again. For me, this was the best choice. I've also been very fortunate to take a year long study sabbatical (semi-paid) from my job and stay home. It's been the best thing I could have done! I'd be happy to talk with you more at any time. My email is zelter22@optonline.net. I'm not very good navigating these chat boards.

I am planning on adopting two at once as a single mother. I do not want my child to never have a sibling and because of the cost, two at once is more economical rather then keep going back. Good luck!!

I am trying to decide the same thing right now... such a tough decision. I am planning to adopt from Ethiopia and am looking at either a child up to four years of age or a sibling pair.

I am so happy to have found this post! I am also a single woman, looking to adopt for the first time (no bio kids). I have thought of doing 2 at once because 1) I'd want a sibling for the child; 2) the cost, 3) I won't know the difference (2 vs. 1), BUT I do feel I have a strong support network of family and friends. I think any new parent can get overwhelmed and underestimate the amount of work, time, energy, and finances required for a child or children. I'm happy to hear there are other single women adopting - but I am running into troubles of countries that permit single women to adopt. Any suggestions? Russia it seems and Ethiopia, but Ethiopia seems like it could shut down their single mother program at any time...would appreciate any suggestions!

I am a single woman currently considering a sibling group adoption for the same three reasons. I also have a very strong support system and feel it is a real opportunity. It is hard finding programs that work with single women, and then get information on the agencies that offer those programs. I have seen that Columbia, Honduras, Brazil, Peru, India and Haiti will accept singles but often for older or waiting children only. The good thing is that most all "sibling groups" are considered waiting. I am at the stage where I am investigating countries and agencies and trying to make a final decision and get started, becuase I realize that most all programs will be a 2-3 year process. Good Luck in your adoption adventure!

Hi Waverly10,It is hard to find programs that will accept single women. Ethiopia is currently a program that is accepting single women, and I spoke with Adoption Avenues in Portland, OR yesterday and they say being a single woman is not a problem for adopting from Ethiopia (and they are willing to work with single women), and you could get a very young child (as young as a few months, but I don't know how common that is). Also, Ethiopia tends to be a faster program than some (about 1 year).What I've learned so far is that with sibling groups you may get older children - or one may be older and one is younger, it really just depends. Hope this helps, and good luck in your search/journey. Would love to stay in contact with you.

HI all, I've been reading your messages. I am a single mom who adopted twin boys from russia in 2008. The whole process was approximately 16 months from beginning to end...which was really quite fast. I used Wide Horizons for Children adoption agency. I know they have offices in ny, massachessetts and may well have other places now. Give them a look. They do have a website and were very helpful. My guys came from the Tyumen Baby home and I have to say it seemed like a really decent place. I 've heard about some horror stories regarding orphanages. Keep this city in mind!

Hi, Here is a perspective you might want to understand before undertaking an adoption of more than one child:[url=http://www.joycemaynard.com/Joyce_Maynard/LETTERS/Entries/2012/4/4_LETTER_FROM_JOYCE.html]LETTER FROM JOYCE[/url]The letter is powerful and discusses what the writer considers to have been the reasons why she disrupted her sibling adoption and found a new home for the two older girls she adopted from Ethiopia. Very moving.

I am sitting here watching my kiddos play in the bath, and somehow I subscribed to this thread years ago. I was reading the most recent post and wondered if I had ever posted. I scanned back... and wow... I posted when I was just thinking about adopting sibs. ;-) Yes, you guessed it. I don't remember making that post, but I did decide to go with a sib group from Ethiopia. The homestudy agency did tell me they did not allow it because in their experience when there are adoption disruptions, it is a single parent adopting multiples. However, my placement agency did allow it, so the homestudy agency had to go with their rules. That is not to say that I hung up the phone from the homestudy agency thinking --OMG what am I getting myself into!!!!! I have not been married, limited experience with kids, and am turning 48. .. add on I had nieces not nephews, and my family is about ll hours by car from me. It has gone well. I brought the boys home one year ago. I expected two school age children, but I was referred a boy about 5 and his little brother almost a year old. I am probably very lucky in that they adapted very easily. The oldest was ecstatic to go to America, and the little one wouldn't even let the nannies hold him once I arrived the second trip. At the same time, I have read of stories where it wasn't that smooth. I did spend a couple of weeks there the first visit, and then I was there about a month the second visit. People asked if that helped, and who knows. Honestly, I love sibs. I do have a flexible schedule which helps, and the kids are great at road trips. My blog is at: [url=http://jennifer-myadoptionandbeyond.blogspot.com/]This Crazy Roller Coaster Called International Adoption[/url]

Thanks charlestoniannow for sharing your wonderful blog!! What an encouragement it is to keep going when the path to our forever families is met with road blocks and detours. God willing, there is a family ahead for us! :thanks:

if great could help you of you are still interested