Advertisements
I realize acceptable standards of nudity vary drastically from household to household, but I do have some concerns about what is "normal" or not. Right now, my 2 bio sons, aged 3 & 5 often walk in on me while I am showering to ask me a question, etc. I certainly do not make a point out of flaunting nudity in front of them, but I also don't make a big deal out of it when they do happen to see me naked. The boys we are adopting (3 & 6yrs) will be joining us soon and dh has expressed his feelings that I should be more cautious about locking doors while showering/changing, etc and preventing nudity in front of them so as not to make them uncomfortable. I have never really worried about it, just acted however came naturally, which meant parenting naked from the shower at times. I do see his point, and was wondering if this has come up for others and what the general feeling is about this issue. I'd be interested to hear others' opinions.
Like
Share
wow, great question. my son is almost 5 and we have the same type of home as you :) he even showers with me occasionally.
but, adopting a boy that age, I am not sure I would feel comfortable with him doing that.
I guess I would go with what you are comfortable with, what your DH is comfortable with, and take into great consideration the boys' history. do things exist in their history (sexual abuse, things they were exposed to in their home like pornography) and make the decision from there.
I would impose the same rules on all the boys though. If your bio boys are allowed to walk in on you at any time but the new kid are not, the adopted boys would realize that there is a double standard pretty quickly.
Advertisements
I don't think I'd make an issue out of it. However, like your husband said, I would make every effort to keep myself covered. Also, its a good age to start teaching your boys about their own nudity and privacy issues. Encouraging them to close the door when they are changing or going potty, ect... I'll run around the house in a bath towel parenting sometimes. But I close the door to get changed. If my son (nearly 7yo) happens to walk in on me changing or going to the bathroom, I just calmly say "I'm almost done, just wait outside for a second, okay?". Not making a big deal out of it, but just reinforcing healthy boundaries. Plus, like another poster said, you cannot be too sure what your new children may have been exposed to so I would really not want to take chances there either. Its just a good age to do this regardless, especially with your 5yo and getting ready to start school--the issue of "privates" is pretty huge.
My household was pretty unconcerned with nudity throughout my entire childhood. It wasn't that we always hung around nekkid together, but we crossed paths between the shower and the bedroom or walked in on each other on a regular basis. It wasn't a big deal. When I was 13 or so, I became a little more modest, and it seems that my dad might have made more efforts to wear clothes when I might be around. Really, it depends on what everyone is comfortable with and each person's personal history.
I think that as time goes on, you will feel more comfortable with them here and it will all happen naturally. When my daughter first came home it felt odd. I do believe that crossing paths is OK. We aren't prudes, nor nudists. She has become more open since the adoption was final and so have we. I think all in good time.
My son was adopted internationally at 3. I had to have him in my sights at all times for a good portion of that year. That often meant him being in the bathroom playing with a toy while I showered nearby.
Last year when he went to Kindergarten I started talking more to him about privacy. This year he's in first grade and I will send him out if he comes in while I am showering or I will put on my robe and go and change in my closet (walk in) if he is getting ready with DH in our bathroom in the morning.
I didn't make a big deal about, just started introducing the subject of your privates being private, or that Mommy would like some time to herself to get ready, or lately more along the lines of you're a big boy now and you need to start being respectful of other people's privacy.
Honestly, I began showering at night for a number of reasons (its just too crazy at my place in the morning). With 4 boys under 6 you might want to do this for piece of mind and for a little privacy.
Advertisements
My 6-year-old son was like yours - find me wherever I am to ask a question. I started saying "I need privacy on the potty." When he went in the bathroom I would close the door behind him "To give you privacy." However, when he walked in on me in the shower to ask a really important question "Where did I hide the play dough?" and I said "Remember - privacy?" He responded - "But you aren't on the potty - you are in the shower!"Okay. Got to expand that definition of privacy immediately. But since I still check on him in the bath and shower, he may think it's only fair.
HOnestly at my house, we dont really worry about this much. we probably should, but my son whos 7 still comes barging in the bathroom when i'm in the shower and talks to me about this and that while i'm naked, and makes nothing of it. i get dressed infront of him, he runs around naked after a bath, my hubby walks around in his boxers every nt. I am trying to get my son to NOT come in teh bathroom while i'm taking a shower, but its a slow process to get it through his head that he shouldnt see mommy naked anymore. its something that we personally are more than comfortable with, and some other children have NEVER seen their mother in their undies even. just depends what you are comfortable with. however, if i were fostering children, i would try to make a point to tell them not to come in the bathroom, while showering changing, etc. it might very well make them uncomfortable seeing their foster mother naked. Just my thoughts, Rachel
I recently had this conversation with a dear friend. It's not an immediate concern of mine, but I asked her when she stopped being naked in front of her son. Her answer - when he pointed at her privates while she got out of the tub and screamed while laughing, "Mommy has a tiny penis!" She decided that if he was noticing things, and could articulate that clearly - naked time was over!
Older kids' prior experiences do affect this type of situation imo. If they've been neglected or abused, then it's more probable that they have not learned boundaries or have had structure.
Just me personally, but I'd have almost overkill on structure when they arrive, and that would include total and complete privacy when you are in the bathroom/shower. It's not that it's a "dirty" thing at all (meaning nudity isn't an OMG! factor, we all have bodies after all.) but more that it might be they have no clue about boundaries at all and will need to be taught.
Advertisements
My now 14 year old use to walk in on me all the time. He too would run around naked. And if I felt akward when I was getting out of the shower and he was there showing me his latest project he never did. Then BAM as puberty set in he would scream and cover his eyes running if he ever walked in on me or his sister. And I have never seen him nude since. It happened over night, so I don't think I would worry, they will let you know.
We had to stop letting my husband get out of the shower though when our oldest daughter was 2.5. She walked up to him and being that she was eye level to ,,,, well you know,,,, she looked up at him, back down at"it" and gave it a real hard slap. I thought I was going to wet me pants as my husband doubled over and said, "it's time to start locking the bathroom door. lol
Started over, you made me laugh.
I am blessed/cursed with incredibly early memories, so much so that my family is SHOCKED about the details I can remember from when I was only 2 years old. I clearly remember being in the shower with my dad when I must have been about 2 and a half and asking him about his "thingie" That was the last time I ever showered with him. So even way back in 1967, that's how my parents handled it. When we were old enough to notice, it was time to stop showering together. My mom, however, continued to undress in front of me for the remainder of my childhood although she never paraded around naked. And my dad would talk to me with the door open with his back to me when he peed...I couldn't see anything but I knew what he was doing!
We're a pretty comfy house. I still bath with my nieces, who are almost 4 and 1.5. They have no concept of privacy and it makes DH a little bonkers. In fact if my older niece says she wants privacy to go potty, it typically is code talk for, I want to look through all the drawers in the bathroom.
I figure if Ty sees me naked as he gets older, well at least he'll have low expectations of the female form :)
I think you take your cues from the kids. As long as they aren't hiding and wanting privacy then it's not something to be hidden. Now if they start pulling their pants down in public...which I've seen. Might be time to start talking about boundaries :)
It is an interesting subject. I wouldn't make it a bigger deal than it is for them. If they seem uncomfortable when they are naked around you (specifically the 6 year old) then I would be more cautious about being nude around them. It may well depend on what they have been through. I know a lot of 6 year old boys that wouldn't think twice about going to school naked...I think they "get it" a lot later than girls do.
Advertisements
My older son still showers with when he wants. He has told me I have a big "BUTT" and I told him no more showers, but than one day he told me Daddy had a bigger "BUTT" so I was OK with that! My adopted DS started to point at my parts and is no longer allowed to shower with me. My older son never has. So as everyone said they will tell you. My daughters bath together so not with me unless I do a family shower when we are running late! As for the foster sons, I have taken the foster babies in the shower meaning 0-14 months old, if we have had them for a while, just because it can be easier sometimes. But older placements will take bath or shower alone (with adult sitting in bathroom) We have never had anyone over 5 so just able to give advice on what we have! I change in my room or by the laundry room only, as do my kids. Hope this helps!