How to help her

Need more info. How old is she? any ongoing medical issues? and developmental delays/challenges? Does she have a therapist? Does she have a good therapist? Does she have a therapist with experience dealing with her particular issues? Three weeks is a very short time. For the foster parents - pushing a conversation at this point is probably not a good idea. The best thing you can do is be reliable, consistent, calm and available. Good luck.

I agree about the good therapist. Does her dr. have any suggestions about her diet? My first instinct is to supplement with the pediasure or something similar. Just reading about her I would want to wrap her in a blanket and rock her and comfort her.

H has just turned 14. She has no developenal challenges. The only ongoing medical issue is that H suffers depression, again whilst in care before this appeared to be non-existent. Yes she has a therapist who works with cases such as these, from what I can tell he is very good. When we take her to see him, its as if she thinks it's a punishment. Food was a small concern before, but her social worker explained that when it was brought up she started eating and remained doing so whilst in care. We don't bring it up in an obvious way. The slighest reference to well any possible triggers and she makes her excuses to leave the conversation and return to her room. At night H awakes screaming, of course we rush in there to find her in tears. So I hug her and ask what happened and she just cries and says "I can't tell you". As far as food goes. We have been given a list of information which we are supposed to do when she eats, and how we can try to encourage her to eat. H denies that there is a problem, and tries to run from the issue. I personally think she has a phobia of food. She has said she hates being near food - even standing in the kitchen makes her cringe. I have tried insentives but they haven't worked, I guess when you have nothing you can't lose it.

I wonder if food was the issue that the BP's used against her. Did they withold food from her? Did they use food as punishment? Just keep encouraging her to talk about what is bothering her and maybe once she feels she can trust you she'll open up more. It's so sad what parents can do to their kids :(

We get little snippets sometimes from her. In the first week of her living here, it was dinner time and she said "mum says I eat like a horse" when I asked her about it she closed down. Again during the first week she was having a bath and I took in some towls and noticed the water was running but the heater wasn't on, I asked if she knew how to work the heating and she replied with "Yes... but I'm never allowed to use it.. or....", she trailed off, of course I told her she is allowed to use heating and that she would not be in any trouble for doing so. Its these snippets which we have to go on at the moment. H is obviously going to need time to adjust, its just very worrying as her fm, I wish I could do more. She is only 14 and it breaks my heart to see a child who has suffered so much but it unable to talk about it. Another concerning thing is, when my husband went to hug her after she awoke during the night she back away from him, clearly upset by him wanting to hug her, yet she was okay with having a cuddle with me. So much pain at a tender age, its not right

So sad....just keep loving her and she'll be ok. At least she'll know you are there for her when she needs you. Maybe the issue with your hubby is she's just not used to having a man hug her...her father may have beat her instead or something else. I hope counseling helps her and she's able to open up. I think over time she'll realize you care about her and she is safe with you.

Although she has only been here a short time, she is part of my family and we both love her. I don't know if I should read more into it or not. She is fine when they are joking or he highfives her, however anything that shows afection and she is scared of it. Its a pretty fair guess that she was beaten as she said they were hurting her, and all the marks suggest it was frequent. I just hope and pray it went no further, the medical as I said showed a large number of bruises. Some of which were on her upper thigh, including one that appear to be left by a hand gripping her. Its hard not to wonder why when attacking a child ..... the mark would be left there.

Is it possible there was also some sexual abuse? Are there activities she likes to do that you could do with her? Playing basketball, or doing a craft, or playing a board game. Kids talk a lot when they are also doing something else...more so than when they are on the spot in a face to face conversation. I might also leave out a bowl of fruit, or snacks and try to make it "obvious" that you and other people in your family eat from it - she might be able to take snacks from there and eat them on her own with the safety of knowing that she has control over when she eats and if she chooses to eat a lot, it won't be blatantly obvious that SHE ate it (given that it sounds like bm criticized her for eating).

The more I think about it, the more I suspect it. Nothing was mentioned about it in her file, but its little things which seem like they could be linked. I hope its nothing, but if it is then I owe it to her to try and find out. Her social worker is not pressing things, but seems a little rushed. She wants to bring a case against the parents, and H's statement would really help things. She likes excersis but because she is so underweight, is unable to participate until she puts on a little. Other then that, we have tried a numer of things but when they become tough her instinct is to run which makes it a little difficult. I will try art based things with her and hope she enjoys that. At the moment we have been asked to keep a record of what she eats, when and how much etc etc. Its almost as we are waiting for an explosion, just for her to break. Its so hard to see she needs to talk about things and needs to eat, and I think when she talks it will become easier for her to eat. Shes a 14 year old little girl in a lot of pain, and who I don't think understands it.