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We are a white english family Brought up 3 sons have been active in scouting and youthwork for 20 years my wife is a nurse we went into fostering after one of our sons moved out and had agreed to take all race religon disability ect as long as we had relevant training where nessacary so we had a profile sent for a muslim asylum seeker allegedly 15years old (looked 18)limited english halal diet religous needs ect.
well after nearly 5 weeks of him just wanting to use the house as a hotel wanting to go out on a saturday and come back monday with no contact this causing lots of friction not to mention worry about where he might be (we did manage to convince him not to stay out)The straw that broke the camels back was on a sunday
he was asked to stop talking on the phone while we sat and ate our dinner at the table with this he threw a tantrum where he ripped all of his clothes of smashed his phone to pieces and stormed out and ended up with the local police we then find out from interpreters and police he has been known to do this before along with self harm with knives !!!.
I was gobsmacked at finding out that this info was in the hands of his s/w and along with a whole host of other issues Complaints at school of him harrassing girls, fighting,his promised full time education would actualy be only a few lessons a week ect were all kept from us and slowly we found out the hard way.(he has since been asked not to go back to the school for fighting).
All of these issue's have been drip fed to us as they have arisen.
We asked for him to be moved as we were not happy with this violent young man to be around our children with the sort of displays that he has given and would never have taken him on had we have had the full story.
As this was our first placement and we have had to deal with things like him going out and saying he was not coming back for two days to the self harming issue's i feel this placement was very wrong for us as a first with no experience what do others think.
just to exhaserbate the problems we have made calls to both our s/s/w and his s/w that have never been returned and just to finish it of i cannot believe that we were asked by his s/w to drop this young lad at the train station today so that he could take himself to the new placement that he did not want to go to 18 miles away as the s/w was busy.
shocked at the request we asked for the adress and took him ourselves.
our s/s/w is now questioning our ability to foster for the agency we are with.
Comments would be apreciated
Bob
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It has not been my experience, but I read everyday on the forums about cases like yours. SW's don't give the foster family all of the information and they do that for a million reasons, none of which are helpful or good. Usually they are desperate to find a home and will jump at chance to get a child placed. Sometimes they think that whatever issues the child had at a previous home, won't come out in the next home because they often blame the foster parents for the actions of the child! Stand your ground and let them know they are not doing their job by misleading you and neglecting to give you VITAL information about the child so you can prepare to be the parent and so you have prior knowledge of what behaviors you might expect. This would have given you the opportunity to head off the behaviors before they started in your home.
Wow. You've put up with a lot from the boy... then to be insulted by your sw!! The sw needs to be reminded of who is really providing a service. It is not your fault this boy didn't fit in your home... he's a super troubled boy that might have been helped more, had he been placed with someone who really knew the case. That's where the sw went wrong. She didn't divulge all the details.You're first case went sour, but it probably won't go bad the next time. Especially if you ask plenty of questions to wring out all the info you deserve to know.
Wow - you and your family were handed a tough situation. THe social worker did not do her job - she failed to give you information you needed to care for this child appropriately. Not giving you info regarding self abusive.actng out behavionr was irresponsible and unprofessional of your CW. Complain to her supervisor. If they won't give you a new CW - get yourself a new agency.
Your experience is not how it should work. I take a lot of emergency/short term placements, so sometimes I don't have a lot of information - but I know that the workers give me all of the information they have.
In the very beginning I had one worker give me a hard time. I pushed back - and gently suggested to her supervisor that I didn't appreciate her attitude - I've never had a problem since.
Sometimes, people (including some social workers) behave as though foster parents are just glorified babysitters. Have confidence that you are an incredibly valuable resource and that you have knowledge, talent and input that should be valued, respected, and listened to.
Please try again. Talented foster parents are in short supply. We need you. There is a kid (or kids) out there who need you.
Good luck.