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I have been a foster parent since 2004. I have been through a world of headaches to adopt this child. Here is an excerpt from my last post back in 2007:
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"I have a 12yo in pre-adoption placement since June 1.
He was matched with me from MARE Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange. I met him in Aug 2006, and was aware that he was in a residential treatment facility, He was 11 then, and had made progress after being there for 2 years. The thing is, is that he had been sexually abused at age 5, and had allegedly had acted out with his younger brother back in 2002, he about 7 at the time. He was placed in foster care in 2003 because his mother was doing drugs and had abused him and his brother and neglected them. He had been placed in 2 other foster homes since then in which the last one, the foster parents decided to adopt his younger brother and not him, due to his destructive behaviors back then.
He was then put in a residential facility.
After a long wait to get him out of residential and only visiting with me on weekends, he was finally placed with me on June 1. I thought that was great news!!
I am also a licensed foster parent since 2004. I foster boys ages 5-12.
I had plans to adopt 4 boys in the next 2 years and continue fostering with the 12yo being the oldest.
Here's the situation. I had accepted a foster child age 9 in May that had sexually abused his own younger sister in the past. The caseworker and I agreed that since the 9yo had acted out with girls, he would be best placed in home with all boys. Later that month, at one on my 12yo adoptive son's visits, the 9yo foster child had sexually acted out with him without my knowledge. There were 3 other foster boys in my home in which two had walked in on the activity. None of the boys told me about this. I found out when one of the witness children had got in a fight with the 9yo foster child at school and the social worker heard about the situation at my house during the fight, and CPS was notified. The result was that all of the foster children were moved from my home pending an investigation. That happend on June 6, just after the 12yo was placed by court order, so they could not remove him. The 9yo who allegedly started this was placed in a residential treatment center.
According to CPS (Child Protective Services), both boys were acting out with each other and both of them had admitted it, and she recommended that I only foster boys older than him, and no child shall share a room with him, however, the report did not say that he couldn't share a home with younger children.
I just couldn't believe that he would do this and I was in denial, and then I remembered the situations in his past.
By July, my agency decided that no younger children would be placed in my home. Only children ages 14-18, not share a room with my 12yo, and not accept children with history of sexual acting out.
So now, I can't foster, or adopt younger children and do not wish to foster or adopt older children.
The 3 other local agencies made the same recommendation.
The adoption won't be final until about December or January. I just don't know what to do? I like working with younger children, but if I try to disrupt this adoption, I will have trouble adopting children in the future.
I have grown very attached with this child, but I'm hoping that he will be better off in a different home that can accommodate his needs, and if I can't adopt again, then I want to still foster for a long time.
Please Help!!!!"
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Since then, I have moved 2 more times, my God sister moved in with me and in spite of the situation with the child, I decided to just delay the finalization pending more therapy. I just couldn't let him go. The adoption was finalized on Oct 29, 2008. He is now 13.
I still haven't had any foster children since June 2007. The therapist will write a letter of recommendation saying that my son can now share a house with younger children.
I am going to change agencies to start fresh. Hopefully the letter from the therapist will help me get a placement by Spring 2010.
Right now, I don't have an extra bedroom until my God sister moves out in Feb or March 2010.
garry9700
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