Help, please!!

My main concern would be if she's OK in there by herself all emotional. If you don't have key to that lock GET ONE immediately. Or better yet NO doors lock in our house but the bathrooms. We were required to have regular doorknobs on all the bedrooms for that reason when we became licensed. I would get her some therapy to help her. Does she have a therapist? Our daughters is so awesome...she gave us her cell number and we call if anything happens I can't handle. Your FD probably is scared because you called the SW and now she thinks her parents are going to be angry she told. I'm sure there was alot of pressure on her to keep it all a "secret." That is so sad. You should just be there for her which means you shouldn't leave her alone...who knows what she may do. Let her know she's safe there and you will protect her and not let anyone hurt her. First important thing is to get her out of that room to a safe place. Being alone and depressed is a bad thing. I pray she gets thru this ok. Hang in there and stand by her side. She'll eventually realize you are there for her. I'm sure trusting you is not easy for her right now. And let her know certain "secrets" are not ok to keep such as someone hurting her or her hurting herself.

Yes I had access to the room if I needed it. I wanted her to make the first move in either allowing me to come on or for her to come out. She doesn't appear to of have anywhere which was her own, and I really want her to believe her room is hers. She wouldn't come out for dinner so I had to enter with a sandwitch and some juice. She is so upset that she told me. When I went in her room she was still in tears, I sat with her while she cried herself to sleep. She begged me not to tell anyone, which was impossible and I explained to her that her social worker needs to know, that she will want to help make things better again so the she (fd) can be happy. I do think that keeping it a "secret" was important, but they way she describes it things - it was a punishment. I've told her that we don't think any less of her, that nothing was her fault and that she hasn't got to keep any secrets etc etc. She wont even make eye contact. With the eating disorder I am really worried this will set her back futher. Since coming out of hospital she has eaten, not much but some food is better then no food. I understand she is upset right now and such, but we cannot afford to let her skip any meal. Shes shaking, crying and is in such a state and the sad fact is tomorrow is going to be more harsh.

how did the next day go with the social worker? does she get on well with her?i hope you're getting good support from you're supervising social worker. it's good that she's been able to tell you as much as she has. my 3 have only told me dribs and drabs over 4.5 yrs,usually when i'm driving(can't have eye contact) and in a rush. does she have have any contact coming up?

My heart to you and your 14 yo. Disclosing info like that takes such courage! It sounds like you are working hard to support her for having the courage to tell such painful information. Couple of ideas to share that have helped me and mine..... 1- The book "A Terrible Thing Happened" is a children's book that deals with a child having been witness to an unspecified "terrible thing" and how hard it is to walk around and live with that knowledge and memory. It is designed for witnesses to violence and trauma such as sexual abuse. In my home it was VERY useful in opening conversations about how she felt and even better at showing her she was not alone, that the pain and worries were shared, and that she was right to tell. It's under $10 and still available in paperback thru Amazon etc. I've also heard some who liked "Please Tell: A Child's Story about Sexual Abuse" but I haven't actually seen that book. 2- Spend some time teaching and reinforcing the concept of what secrets must be kept and what secrets must NOT be kept. In my family we use a T-N-T test. "Tell or Not Tell" test. It is 3 imple questions that kids ask and depending on the answers know whether they can keep the secret or whether they should stay quiet or whether they must tell. It works for both disclosures and tattling issues. If you want more info, let me know. Hang in there.... you are not alone! Upbeat Mom:flower:

Sorry its been a while since the last reply, things have been a little hectic. The next day was very upsetting for her, lots of tears and even more silence. She has been lucky with social workers, hers is very nice and understanding - however talking about such difficult things proved to be too hard. Sadly her eating disorder got worse and she needed to spend some time at a hospital designed for children/teenagers with eating disorders. Since she has been out, eating has improved, but I think this is due to the fear that she'd have to go back should she lose weight and fail to gain it back. Such a shame that a girly night in with a dvd and munchies would be a nightmare for her... Since being home she has mentioned a few things that are concerning. I think she wants to talk but doesn't know how? So when something relates she will say "when I was at my mums....." but be light with the detail. We're doing a lot of 'retraining' with her on whats ok to keep private if she wishes and whats not. There has been no contact since she came back into care, she asked the other day about her mum but this was the first time and it has been months. The only interest that has been shown from her family seemed more because she 'belonged' to them and now isn't there. It will be going to court but there is still so much information that is missing, we need to be patient with H so that we are not putting more pressure on her.