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i know where she lives (city) commernce twp ,walled lake .i sent 3 e-mails to her adoptive mother no reply,she turns 18 may 1st 2009 ,how do i make contact with her if her mom is blocking me possibly?she iis on myspace and facebook and twitter,but i have not contacted her thru any way,should i? i read that a letter would be best,but lol where should i send it?do i try to find a home add somehow or just go thru one of her accounts myspace and facebook? this was a open adoption that was supposed to have limited contact with pic and letters but only happend 1 time the first year,any thoughtfull ideas on this? thanks
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First of all, let me welcome to you to the forums! You'll meet lots of great people here from all three sides of the triad...and I imagine you'll shortly see responses on your thread from all three sides, lol.
If your daughter is just now turning 18 years old, I have to tell you that that's really young for a reunion. She's still living under her parents' roof and very much dependent on them. I think you're wise, though, for attempting contact with her adoptive mom first. I'm sorry that she hasn't responded to you. Maybe you should try to send a registered letter thru the postal service -- that way you'll know if she receives it.
As far as finding out her address, have you tried ZabaSearch or People Finders? ZabaSearch will give you physical addresses and landline telephone numbers for free.
Reuniting with a teenager is a whole different ballgame than reuniting with a full-fledged adult. Their emotions are often all over the place, and many of them just aren't ready for a face-to-face reunion with their birthparents. They're at an age where independence is paramount, yet it's so hard to leave the nest. You may want to consider waiting a few more years until she's more mature.
It's really important, IMHO, to prepare yourself for an eventual reunion. If you have any pain surrounding her adoption (and it sounds like you do from your user name), you may want to join an adoption triad support group. If you send me the name of the town or city you live in, I can run a search for you on available support groups. A couple years before I reunited with my son, I joined a triad support group, and it made all the difference in the world. Generally, these groups consist of members from all three sides of the triad: adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents. It is really an eye-opener to listen to the "other side of the coin", so to speak. There are usually a few birthfathers at the meetings, so you won't feel out of place. I got so much help from a young lady and her amom...they helped me learn what fears and feelings I might encounter with my son and his parents.
Talking to a qualified counselor or therapist is really, really helpful, too. Make sure they have experience in dealing with adoption issues. It's best not to bury your pain or grief, and I think it is critical that those emotions be dealt with before you reunite with your daughter.
Good luck, and keep posting. We may not have all the answers, but people are pretty good listeners here. :loveyou:
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