What songs remind you of being an adoptee?

Throughout my life my parents have repeatedly proven their love to me. I couldn't ask for better parents. I consider my position a lot like Clark Kent. But, still things haven't been easy due to an innate fear of being disowned again and rejected by my peers. Doesn't help that high school was literally hell for me with peers and my principle's brother (a teacher). Thus, I really felt rejected by society and had anger problems - my kindergarden teacher once stated I might become Lex Luthor or Steven Spielberg. So, let's just say all the things in my life haven't mixed well. After getting over those years, once I turned twenty-one the primal wound ripped open. Below are the songs that remind me of being adopted. Ranging from the confusion, longing for my birth parents, the rage and anger towards them giving me away and the fears and difficulties it's caused, and being torn between loyalties. Links to the songs, available online, have been posted. I know my taste in music obviously differs from others, so feel free to add any song that reminds you of being adopted for better or worse. LOST & CONFUSED "NO HARD FEELINGS" SALIVA This song reminds me of the feeling of being taken away from my birth mom, a ghost inside my mind that haunts me. All the pain that haunts me still.

And all the shame surrounding you.

And all the past that I can't kill, forever wrapped around me.

And all the sadness in our lives, and all the things I can't hide.

And all the fear that's deep inside, from all the years of hiding.

There's a ghost that's inside of my mind.

There's a pain that is haunting me still, and I could never go back and rewind.

And I could never have peace or be still.

Somebody take this away, they took you far away from me.

So I could never find you. "GOING UNDER" SALIVA [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GF0UlgVPiE]YouTube - Saliva Going Under[/url] A part of me is jealous of everyone else who never had to go through the feelings of being abandoned nor the mystery of identity lurking somewhere beyond my reach. I'm alone to sail my own ship with no course of direction. Why cant I be normal like everyone else?

Why cant I become something more than myself?

I reach and I'm trying to believe in me,

But its just too hard to see.

Lost like a ship without a sail,

And terrified to fail,

Sick of the sickness that I feel,

Its a mystery to me...

Who am I now?

And when will I be found?

What if I drown?

I'm going under now. "RAIN" BREAKING BENJAMIN [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_S8M5R01NM]YouTube - Rain - Breaking Benjamin[/url] This song captures society and how sometimes as an adoptee there's guilt for grieving. I don't have a past

I just have a chance,

Not a family or honest plea remains to say,

Is it you I want,

Or just the notion

Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around

Safe to say from here,

Your getting closer now,

We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be "ALWAYS" SALIVA [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcuYy6Q3TaI]YouTube - Saliva- Always[/url] This song explains how confusing it is to deal with being an adoptee, that there are so many emotions involved that it's hard piecing them together into something that makes sense. I hear, a voice say "Don't be so blind"

It's telling me all of these things

That you would probably hide!

Am I your one and only desire?

Am I the reason you breathe,

Or am I the reason you cry?

Always, always, always,

Always, always, always,

I just can't live without you!

I love you!

I hate you!

I can't get around you!

I breathe you!

I can't live without you!

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

I guess then I'm out that door

And now I'm done with you!

I wrap my hand around your heart,

Why would you tear my world apart? LONGING FOR WHAT WAS "AMY HIT THE ATMOSPHERE" COUNTING CROWS [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0MchveeuzE]YouTube - Amy Hit The Atmosphere[/url] This song captures the dual side of being an adoptee, wanting to be with the birth mother, but at the same time afraid of the changes that this might bring. Weve waited so long

For someone to take us back home

It just takes so long

Meanwhile all the days go drifting away

And some of us sink like a stone

Waiting for mothers to come

I wanna know, I wanna know,

And all I really know is I wanna know

And all I really know is I dont wanna know "FEELING FOR A MOMENT" FEEDER [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjgQLEZ6vjY]YouTube - Feeder - Feeling the Moment[/url] If there is one thing that I want to know, it's whether or not I'm like my birth parents. I especially want to know if I have anything in common with my birth father. Am I just like you? Feeling the moment slip away

Losing direction you're losing faith

You're wishing for someone

Feeling it all begin to slide

Am I just like you

All the things you do - can't help myself

How do you feel when there's no son

And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again

How will you feel when there's no one

Am I just like you

Turning to face what you've become

Bury the ashes of someone

Broken by the strain

Trying to fill that space inside

Am I just like you

All the things you do - can't help myself

Am I just like you? "NEVER BE THE SAME" RED [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so6IQ4GYm2o]YouTube - Red - "Never Be the Same" 2009 Innocence & Instinct[/url] This song really shows how I feel towards my birth mom. How much I need her. Look into my eyes if you cant remember

Do you remember? Oh

I can see, I can still find

youҒre the only voice my heart can recognize

But I cant hear you now, yeah

IҒll never be the same Im caught inside

the memories of promises of yesterdays

and I belong to you

I just canҒt walk away cuz after loving you

I can never be the same

And how can I pretend to never

know you like it was all a dream? No

I know Iђll never forget the way I always felt

with you beside me, and how you loved me then, yeah

You led me here, then I watched you disappear

You left this emptiness inside and I cant turn back time

No! Stay! Nothing compares to you

nothing compares to you

I canҒt let you go HOW COULD YOU ABANDON ME?! "OUT FROM UNDER" RED [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSuf0p0zX-0]YouTube - Out From Under - Red - Innocence and Instinct[/url] The horror of being taken away. Fell through the floor

Slipped through the cracks into nowhere

So tell me where were you

When everything fell down like thunder

I begged you to pull me through

I couldn't get out from under

I took the fall

I took it all

Cut me, I bleed

Feel me in need

I finally broke in the pressure

Left me for dead inside my head

couldn't you see that I was still breathing?

Screaming, I reached for you

I couldn't get out from under

Where were you? "STORM" SALIVA [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D9iR-XQ5BM]YouTube - Saliva - Storm[/url] The hardest part I grasped with is the fear that I was never meant to be and a mistake; that I needed to find a concrete reason to make my life mean something. My Life is filled with your memory.

You were deep within my heart.

You were deep with inside of me.

And all this pain that I'm wrapped around.

If there's a heaven up above,

I see the angels falling down

I've got to rise above my life.

To find the reason I'm alive.

I'll save myself, I'm all alone.

I've opened my heart to see there's nobody home.

It's up to me, I'm on my own.

The message of life is turning

Facing the storm. "TRUTH" SEETHER [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeB5F3j6B1M]YouTube - Seether-Truth[/url] Throughout my life I've been tormented by my peers, even my teachers, and have always feared a dark side inside me. Bringing more to the feeling of being a mistake. If I gave you the truth, would it keep you alive?

Though I'm closer to wrong

I'm no further from right

And now I'm convinced on the inside that something's wrong with me

Convinced on the inside, you're so much more than me,

I'm beaten down again, I belong to them

Beaten down again, I've failed you

I'm weaker now my friend, I belong to them

Beaten down again, I've failed you

The deception you show is your own parasite

Just a word of advice you can heed if you like

And now I'm convinced on the inside that something's wrong with me "YESTERDAY" STAIND [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vsj5bNl_DH8]YouTube - Staind - Yesterday[/url] This song epitomizes the anger side towards my birth parents and how I'm really messed up because of it. you don't know what you've put me through

it's okay, i've forgiven you

but in some way, hope it ****s with you

hope it ****s with you

that i'm okay and i've made it through

but who's to say what you're going through

i'll say no names, though i've wanted to

isn't it strange how it seems like...

yesterday, a boy and already afraid

locked deep inside, my place to hide

to hide from how you made me feel

and i wonder how's your brother

did he end up ****ed up like me?

lost in himself, crying for help it's safe to say

i learned to live without a pride

just a shell, with me stuck on the inside

a prison, not a place to hide

not a place to hide "HERE LIES THE WASTE" AIDEN [url=http://www.imeem.com/txvampstress/music/l_fTbbx3/aiden-here-lies-the-waste/]Aiden - Here Lies the Waste - Free MP3 Stream on IMEEM Music[/url] This song really captures the distress and fear of not being meant to be born, being a mistake. Take me understood

from this awful life i despise, throw me out in disguise

But I'll wait, I'll ****ing wait for you

Here lies the waste

I will suffer, I will suffer for this taste and not forgiving

**** you and your love

So fake and out of touch

Can you kill me quick? close my eyes, throw me out with no surprise

But I'll wait, I'll ****ing wait for you "HOME" STAIND [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-2hYsNJDig]YouTube - Staind - Home[/url] The looming fear of rejection and being disowned by my parents. I force myself through another day

Can't explain the way today just fell apart like everything

Right in my face

And I try to be the one

I can't accept this all because of you

I've had to walk away

From everything

I'm afraid to be alone

Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone

I'm afraid to come back home

Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone

I just wish I was back home "RUN AWAY" STAIND [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGpDgZB5Lik]YouTube - Staind - Run Away[/url] In order to completely move on through life, there was a time in which I became numb and keep everything as temporary as possible. Others say I'm strong, but really I just hide the pain. I'm still scared

Afraid of failing

Anticipating

The ride to end

Before the wheels begin to move

Run away

So I can hide

Run away

I've mastered feeling nothing

Run Away

I'm dead inside

Run away

Why don't I care

The truth

Is that Im not so good

At showing how I feel

Or keeping my mouth shut

When there's something to conceal

Or knowing how to love

Love's not in my memories

How can I rise above

All my insecurities TORN BETWEEN TWO WORLDS ҔDISEASED SEETHER [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd7xF4jhBZQ&feature=related]YouTube - seether-diseased[/url] This song really captures being stuck in between. It feels like I canԒt take any side without causing a negative reaction. Initially my parents said they would try to help me with the search and that they understood, then they started acting like I was betraying them and tried talking me out of it. I will never belong to you, again

I will never belong to you

If I decide that I am alive

Than I'm diseased and ungrateful

And if I confide that I am a liar

Than I'm diseased and ungrateful

Push in 'til it breaks, if it bleeds then I'll be okay "COULD IT BE" STAIND [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBFDFEiQrx4]YouTube - Staind - Could It Be[/url] If I had the guts to tell my parents all of this, things would get better. They have often commented on how I have difficulty showing love, that my extended family has noticed that I have difficulty hugging and have come to label me 'the ghost.' Needless to say, all of that on top of being abandoned doesn't add up to a stable degree. well i don't know what to say

because there's truth to what you say

i know it kills you i'm this way

there's something different every day

could it be that i never had the chance to grow inside?

Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide?

could it be that sometimes i say things just to disagree?

could it be that i'm only being me?

not easy living in my mind

a little peace is hard to find

my every thought is undermined

by all the history inside

i know i hear the words you said

over and over again

i just can't get them through my head

there's just too many voices

must be like living with the dead

waiting for me to begin

to do the things i have said

and for this i'm sorry

so there's some truth to what you say "IN BETWEEN" LINKIN PARK [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5ss4awsKv4]YouTube - Linkin Park - In Between[/url] Another song about being stuck in the middle. Let me apologize to begin with

Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed

And somehow I got caught up in between

Between my pride and my promise

Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

And things I want to say to you get lost before they come

The only thing that's worse than one is none

And I cannot explain to you

And anything I say or do or plan

Fear is not afraid of you

But guilt's a language you can understand

I cannot explain to you

And anything I say or do

I hope the actions speak the words they can