Is anyone else discouraged and disgusted?

I have certainly been there, it is sometimes hard to feel encouraged...we have watched 6 foster kids reuinted, some into situations I felt good about, some into situations that continue to wake me up at night worrying about the kidos...we have found that sometimes, when it just gets too much it is a good idea to call the agency, take a few weeks (or months!) off from new placements and recharge, we have done that twice and came back each time feeling better. PM me if you want to talk...some days it just sucks to watch the system churn and feel so helpless...

I have also been there,in fact I am still there.After 6 months with my first placement ages 2 and 4 I am feeling lost and betrayed somewhat by the system.My placement although difficult at times,was really a great experience.I was able to take 2 children and give them security,guidence and the love of Christ. I gave them a sense of belonging and things were starting to turn around.SUDDENLY..........they were gone!!!! Removed with no notice,I put them to bed the night before never knowing I would never see them again!!! They are with kinship,never to return to birth mom.I feel my agency could have fight for me,they did not. I feel they were placed with birth family,but into an overwhelming situation for the family member who already has 4 children who are not that old.I feel this placement was forced on the family member,just to keep the children away from all of the good the girls were accomplishing and I feel they will regress,not move forward in the placement. I have nothing against the family member but I think it was not her choice to take on the children it was bio-mom's. I THINK they are a great CHRISTIAN FAMILY and to get rid of the bio-mom who is a big problem the DSS pushed along with mom to move the children. I understand that in most cases children should be with family,however when you are placing 3 young children with issues, into a home with 4 other young children and with young parents you are just asking for trouble in my opinion. I guess I feel some type of way because this same DSS ignored calls about my 2 year old great,great niece and she was killed at the hands of her caregiver. I mean,if they would have answered the call,placed my niece with family she would probably be here today. This system needs an overhaul.......

This is why I'm scared to foster, or even foster/adopt. I don't understand why these children are sent back into homes that were obviously unsafe and could be again!Sometimes at our classes I want to scream because everything seems so focused on the bio parents/family who were the ones who caused the child to be taken away in the first place, but yet they get every chance in the world.

I appreciate the posts. I am really questioning what I think about the whole system. I feel that government is so concerned with 'biology' when the most important thing is the well being of the kids. I don't expect 'model' parents, but they should be working hard to change and putting their best foot forward! I read somewhere on this site that various experienced caseworkers were asked how many parents actually changed, and their answers were maybe one parent in 10-20 years. That should speak volumes! Good luck.

I have not yet experienced, like most of you getting a child then having to give it back to a family who is still struggling. I right now am trying hard to avoid that. DH and I also are a Christian Family and have shielded our boys and raised them in a home to know Jesus. Our boys are very easy kids, extremely well behaved and love God. To watch my boys sadness just "hearing" about some of the kids we were called about..makes me more aware of the fact that I have to take kids who have a better chance of being "adoptable" That means a longer process and maybe not finding a child at all. But we have to do what is right for our kids. The system IS broken and I am aware of that as I know people who have fostered and the stories vary from sad to scary. But in the end, it SHOULD be about the welfare of the children, though in lots of cases its not the case..and that is sad. I know for my hubby and I, we would love the chance to foster kids when all our children are grown...but for us..today...we want to adopt. I don't think either of us are ready for all the pain and sadness these kids are going through..neither are our boys. But I do believe someday when it God's time we will be ready for that. I have such a deep respect for all foster parents...to love a child and then have to let them go. So even if the system IS not great and I get frustrated..I rely on my faith to help me through things. I know in the end..though the system can and will fail..God does not! :clap:

ME,me,me.I am getting discouraged because seems like my agency calls everyone else for the younger children and calls me for children who are WAY out of my age range!!!!!

I am just plain overwhelmed waiting to hear back on the kids we put in for..all 16 of them! Will any of them be the one(s)? Who knows..but DH and I are throwing caution to the wind and putting in for all the kids who are OUR age range...all the cases are straight adoption...so we have a chance at adopting...as we really don't want to foster at all and just want to adopt. I am just so wanting them to call us for the right one. Here's hoping!

Right now I want to foster but long term or foster to adopt. Both calls I got were in the wrong age range.My worker was not even the one who called me on that one, it was my adoption worker. I am still considering changing agencies,maybe going to the county.Yesterday I had to drop off the girls things and talked to their county worker who I like a lot. She was really upset that the family had stood us up. She let us know how the girls were doing. I found out that at first they were taking it almost as hard as we were and they were very upset that they were taken away from us. The younger one suffered a lot. She says they are doing a little better now and she thinks we will see them again.I wonder what she means by that :woohoo: ? Anyway I was happy to hear about them and sad at the same time. She is such a good worker that I think moving to a county agency may give me the benefit of getting younger children verses the older ones. She said she will keep me in her mind if things don't work out since they were with me over 6 months. Its just getting tiring waiting for a call that doesn't come or when it does it isn't a match at all:hissy:

I have had my fd for 20 months. She will be 2 next week. We have a goal change/tPR hearing at the end of the month. Now a relative has come forward and wants to adopt. This person is a total stranger to my fd. She is completely bonded and thriving and the thought of DHS ripping her away from the only family she has known, makes me sick! I understand the they want the children to remain with family but she has never met these people!

ME! i'm discouraged too. i know most of you are veterans compared to what we've been through, but from what we've seen so far, the system just seems so broken. i understand and respect the biological parents' rights, but will never understand why the childrens' rights are not given equal respect in the eyes of the court. why isn't the child's right to permanency factored into these cases? why does the rule of 15 out of 22 months seem so irrelevant? why does this process have to take so long? why do these children have to be tied up in so much red tape for so long? we've had our first and only placement for 16.5 of her 18months. she is well bonded to us, and us to her. her case is so up in the air at the moment, that i'm never sure of anything- we cannot fathom having to give her back at this point. it will be so difficult to worry about the situation she'd be going into. i feel so helpless with no voice at all. what, if anything, can be done to change things?!

My husband and I have been fostering a little boy for over 4 years now. He was 2 months old when he came to us. We love him dearly and our 6 year old daughter does not remember life with out him. He is our son and her brother but yet we can not seem to get the adpotion finalized. He was abused at 2 months old and he is autistic and gets special services. His BM signed over her rights to us as she knew that he loved us as his parents and being autistic taking him from us could set him way back, his BF is a selfish person and his rights were taken from him in May of 2010 and he appealed and we are still waiting to hear something. I have found out that there will be oral argument in superior court. I can not stand the thought of not being able to adopt him. Some how the laws need to change. This process is much to long. He should have been adopted 2 years ago. We love him so much I could not imagine life without him

Oh coz, I will keep your family in my prayers - keep the faith! I am dealing with a valid consent, and now an appeal, too. Our little guy was with one family since birth, but the foster mom died and our adoption agency asked us if we would be willing to foster to adopt, because they want him to bond, not go into "temporary" foster care. Since we've had him in November, I have lost 15lbs - I am terrified of it not working out, but trying to trust that there is a plan. I supress a lot, and try to live and enjoy each moment Dear god, you have been waiting since May???? Was the appeal fast tracked - or is this fast tracked?Hang tough, and know that you are doing the best thing for a child.