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It has been a while since I have had time to either visit or post but I can't get hold of the new caseworker so here goes...I have always allowed the bio parents of our foster kids to call as long as DCYF stated it was okay but the tone of voice and demands these parents are making are obnoxious in the messages they are leaving. I have already explained that we go out and do things, especially in the summer and will not be home a lot. I have asked that they call once, leave a message and we will return it as soon as we are able. I even went so far as to explain that if there was an emergency the State would let them know (they are concerned that if I am not answering my phone something has happened to the child). I have speciffically asked that they not leave message after message or call every hour. For the second time I have received multiple messages in the same day stating that "If you are home you need to pick up the phone and if you are not home you need to call us the minute you get in" These calls are coming in at 8:00, 8:30 and last night 9:30p.m. I have kids under 3 years of age at the house, they are sleeping this late and sometimes we are too. Can I tell them they are only allowed to call between certain times and only so many times a week. Can I stop the calls all together if they continue to be demanding?
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I would inform the CW about the excessive calls. Some people just don't understand what a normal phone call is or a normal time to return a call. It might be helpful to everyone for you to write up a list of phone rules that includes the hours they may call, how many times a day, what they may say, etc. It isn't unreasonable to ask for simple courtesy in the calls. If you write it up then the CW can give them a copy and the CW will have a copy, so the next time they step over the boundary the calls can be stopped.
I personally would not allow parents to call my house unless it was ordered by the court. I don't want them to know where I live or what my phone number is. If I had to do it, I would have strict rules and any infraction would result in the loss of phone privileges for the parents.
I have only ever had one parent who was allowed phone calls, and I asked that they be scheduled. Not only so that the calls didn't come at all hours - but also to hold the parent accountable to MAKE the call (because sometimes they would go weeks and not call and the child was very upset).
It's nice that these parents seem interested in staying involved with their children - but it is absolutely not ok to treat you and your family with disrespect. And they are in no position to demand a call back. Definately let your caseworker know.
Thanks for the responses. His mom called at 8:00 last night and I told her no more calling after 8, no more than one message if I am not home, no more disrespect or the phone calls will be blocked as they are calling only because I gave my permission for them to. Social worker is backing me up and is telling them the same thing. All said in a very calm even tone of voice so she would understand that I was totally serious about it and not just flying off the handle. I have never given them my address but it is a small town and I and my husband both work jobs that are well known positions and people tend to know where they can find us. I have no problem calling the police if I need to (they all know me through my work and that I am a foster parent as I try to recruit everyone).
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lovingheart
I have never given them my address but it is a small town and I and my husband both work jobs that are well known positions and people tend to know where they can find us.
My 10 yo FD requested to place a call to her parents and was too quick with the dialing for me to block my number. I was hopeful that they might not have caller id.. silly me when she hadnt called them in a week they were calling. This is my first placement and so I will be smarter next time and ask for the number to dial for them. I really don't use a home phone anyway only a phantom cell line is in the house so i guess I could always ask to have that changed as no one knows or contacts me on it anyway. But yes that's one of my concerns too. also the reports of where we go who we see what camp and school not so much an issue with a younger placement but 10 should know an address etc. We are at their mercy but I keep the worker informed of all contacts placed or received so I can convince myself I am not alone:arrow:
I would suggest buying a cheap cell phone and let them only use that number, then you can shut the phone off during the hours you do not want them to call. It is very big of you to allow calls, my FD is 23 months old and her mom keeps asking me to let her call her every night, she also told my 6 year old son that he can call her too! lol But so far I am refused since the baby can not even speak yet. But if that time comes, I will only use a cell phone for that kind of communication, if you give out your home number the FP can find you address.
So far we have had to deal with only one biomom (dad is in jail) and her kids are our first placement. I gave biomom our number after 6 months because she was making a lot of progress on her plan and I wanted to keep communication open with her. She never abused the privelage. She started talking with 2 year old at night but this would upset him--he missed her. She stopeed after I explained that it was too painful for him. She had the babies for an overnight visit (3 days) and the little one became very ill--she actually called for advise (she has no family support). It was still beyond her ability to care for him and she ended up calling to ask us to pick him up (he needed to go to the emergency room for dehydration). I know I didn't address your question (and I am sorry this woman is so rude) but I do think giving out your phone number can be OK if the situation is right and you know a little about the biomom and her personality.I do worry about what would happen if she had a relapse and began using again--she might be a totally different person and this may backfire.
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We had a similiar problem... mind you that we only allowed calls to our unpublished cell phone... bm would call every 2 to 5 minutes leaving a message everytime. She even called the police on us 4of july weekend while we were at church because we didn't answer the phone! We finally had to go to the cm and have the calls restricted... now she barely makes her scheduled calls!