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we've wanted to adopt for many years and aren't sure when is the best time to do it, but we've recently been struck by a number of stories lately (some statistics, some advertizing, and a particular kid i actually know who has been been on the wait list for many years and is now 17) that lead me to wonder if adopting a kid this age would be a good fit. i honestly don't know what to expect from the adoption process of an older kid; however i work in the field of sexual abuse and have heard it a lot, so i do feel prepared with potential issues in that area. in my mind, adopting this age child gives them a sort of last-chance at being part of a family before they age-out of the system.
so, what are the potential challenges? what are your stories of adopting this age child? we have a 2 year old son currently and hadn't considered adopting anybody older than him until recently... we would be extremely attentive to issues of safety.
ok, what else do i need to know? thanks for reading!
oops, i should add a couple things: i really don't know what to expect in terms of how the relationship would be... my husband and i would only be about 12 years older than this age kid, what our role would be... i don't know if these kids would really see us as "mom" or "dad" since they have lived so much of their childhood without, and since they are so close to adulthood. my husband works at a college, so this age kid would have an opportunity to attend a private college for next to nothing. we can give them a safe place, support emotionally and physically, give them an extended family of support, and i am very versed in psychological issues and abuse/trauma through my education and profession (though i know that is different than actually living with it in your home). we maybe would not be the perfect family to suit these kids, but in my mind, aren't we better than nothing? these are just questions i have rolling around in my mind.
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We've recently taken permanent placement of an 18yr old girl (it may go to adoption, or legal guardianship, or whatever other options). Im 33, so only 15 yrs older than her (my husband is 38, so he's 20 years older than her). It has been an interesting adjustment for us all. I have a 13yr old son (who came to us at 11) and a 12 yr old daughter (who came to us at 11)... and we hadn't expected to adopt a third time, nevermind someone this much older than our range. But we got struck by her profile, inquired, was selected, etc.... We are only 6 weeks into our placement. Weve had some rough patches, but it is expected with all placements. Im actually on my way to go pick her up from work, so can't really take the time to address everything you asked, but can say that it takes just as much commitment to her and time and attention, as a younger child and it needs to be a good fit for your family and the child. If you have any specific questions just PM me. Good luck!!
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I'm six months in to the placement of my 16 year old son, who I'm going to adopt, paperwork and DYFS willing, in the next six to eight weeks.
I'm sure it differs in various situations, how much time in the system, how many moves, quality of homes and so on, but I think you should be prepared to parent a 17 year old who is 17, going on 8 going on 40. I think one of my biggest challenges has been trying to figure out which age I'm parenting at any given moment. Kids who have been in the system for long periods of time may have missed out on many things and have "swiss cheese" learning. They've missed out on learning some very basic things because of being moved around so much.
One of the best pieces of advice I got prior to making my decision to adopt at teen was as follows: A child in a family, who at the age of two can't feed him/herself(no medical issues), has parents who will consistantly work with the child on finger foods, graduate to a spoon and eventually a fork and knife. A child in the system who can't feed him/herself by the age of two gets a note in his/her file, and everyone hand feeds them even when they are 10! They get little chance to be helped consistantly to learn new skills.
This, unfortunately is true in some cases. My son is bright, funny and a great kid. But the first time he tried to open a jar of tomato sauce, he depressed the pop up button on the lid as he tried to turn the cap - like he was opening a medication bottle. No one ever told him there is another way or showed him he didn't need to do it that way. The list goes on and on.
Keeping that in mind, I will tell you there are great rewards in adopting a teen. They need family as much as anyone. After all, how many of us didn't need our families when we were 18? Or 28 for that matter!
Go for it!
Have you heard of Ampersand Families. It is a group that just works with teens in MN who want to be adopted If I could afford to I would love back to MN just to use them :flower: They would be very helpful to you really nice people who really want to help teens and adoptive families.
[url=http://www.ampersandfamilies.org/index.html]Ampersand Families recruits and supports permanent families for older youth.[/url]
we've wanted to adopt for many years and aren't sure when is the best time to do it, but we've recently been struck by a number of stories lately (some statistics, some advertizing, and a particular kid i actually know who has been been on the wait list for many years and is now 17) that lead me to wonder if adopting a kid this age would be a good fit. i honestly don't know what to expect from the adoption process of an older kid; however i work in the field of sexual abuse and have heard it a lot, so i do feel prepared with potential issues in that area. in my mind, adopting this age child gives them a sort of last-chance at being part of a family before they age-out of the system.so, what are the potential challenges? what are your stories of adopting this age child? we have a 2 year old son currently and hadn't considered adopting anybody older than him until recently... we would be extremely attentive to issues of safety.ok, what else do i need to know? thanks for reading!oops, i should add a couple things: i really don't know what to expect in terms of how the relationship would be... my husband and i would only be about 12 years older than this age kid, what our role would be... i don't know if these kids would really see us as "mom" or "dad" since they have lived so much of their childhood without, and since they are so close to adulthood. my husband works at a college, so this age kid would have an opportunity to attend a private college for next to nothing. we can give them a safe place, support emotionally and physically, give them an extended family of support, and i am very versed in psychological issues and abuse/trauma through my education and profession (though i know that is different than actually living with it in your home). we maybe would not be the perfect family to suit these kids, but in my mind, aren't we better than nothing? these are just questions i have rolling around in my mind.
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