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About 40 years ago, my mother, who was underage, became pregnant. My grandfather hit the roof and forced my mother to give the baby up for adoption. It tore her heart out, but as she had no choice, she had to do it. As soon as she got married two years later, she began her quest to find him. In that time, she had two more children; myself and my younger brother Chris. Chris and I grew up knowing we had an older brother out there, and we noticed that mom would often cry from grief on the baby's bday. We knew she was always searching for him. She never forgot.As I got older, computers became more commonplace and I began helping her in her quest to finding her birthson. For about 10 years, she and I scoured the interenet, contacting different Private Investigators (nearly all fraudulant). It was a heart-wrenching search and anytime we thought we were close, we realized we weren't and mom would be so sad and depressed. I made it my goal to find him for her.In October of 2008, I contacted a company I heard of through a friend. We hired them and they found my mother's first-born in two days! We were shocked. We were MORE shocked and then devistated to find out that he was in prison for a Sex Offense against a child in CA.After contacting him (Joey), he immediately told us he was innocent and that he didn't commit any crime. He's got some minor things on his record (stealing etc) - (he's highly materialistic), but nothing to this caliber until his latest arrest/imprisonment. We WANTED to believe him - so we did. His adopted parents divorced, so he lived with his mother until he moved into an apt and then married this "trophy wife" (all breasts. I'm not kidding, she looks like a Barbie Doll) and had a few children with her. Her older daughter (11 yrs old) from a previous marriage accused Joey of touching her inappropriately and Joey was then promptly jailed. My mother was desperate to see him, so we packed the truck and took the 800 mile journey to see him in his CA prison. After going through the frightening and intimidating process of being admitting to the visiting area of a prison, there he was. It was wonderful to see him - you certainly could see the family resemblance. But when we sat down to talk, he started caressing my leg. I didn't know what to take of it and tried to stop him. But he pushed and I just felt like I didn't want anything to spoil the visit for my mother, so I just did my best to "deal with it". Even the guards noticed, but I had NO idea exactly what was happening. He'd push his hands between my crossed legs, and then later would rub my heel etc. Inside I was hoping that he was so happy to see us, but he only did it to me, not my mother. Even mom was confused about what he was doing, but neither of us wanted to ruin the visit. After I went back home, I started receiving very intimate letters from him. He started asking me very inappropriate things like asking me to take a pic of myself in my "sexy clubbing outfit" and heels. UGH! After several letters like this, I asked my mom what I should do. Crying, both of us had no idea what he was doing or why. His own birth family is reaching out to him with love and trust - and he's FLIRTING WITH IT!! Everything he did started looking suspicious.Finally I had to ask him to stop, but it was too late. The damage was done in my heat. His letters didn't "verge" on romantic and sexy - they WERE. I often would call & read the letters to my mother AND father as they arrived, who would make me stop as they were too upsetting to them. (We live in different states). I felt that they were pushing this "problem" off on me. When I finally found the courage to stand up for myself, it infuriated my parents. TFinally I learned that what Joey had done was sexually assault me. I was mortified when I realized WHAT it was he was doing. I told him and my parents I didnt want him in my life anymore. My mother does NOT understand this and believes I should forgive him and Just 'get over it'. Because of how uncomfortable he made me, because he's a sex offender and I don't know him, and because he instantly abused my trust at our very first meeting, I refuse to forgive him and now my parents and I aren't speaking at all. After all of this - NOW my mother wants me to send her the letters he wrote me and outright accused me of LYING about them. I've never lied to them in my life. I was a very good kid and never got into any kind of trouble, won scholarships, saved a life in the Coast Guard, went on to start and run a successful photography business. I am a good and honest person with good strong morals. And because I knew my mother knew this of me, it was if she reached in and tore my heart out with such an accusation. So because of her behaviour - I am refusing to send her the letters. She has turned ME, the VICTIM into the Criminal.And now Joey is maniuplating my mother. He wrote her "I can't believe Chris and Jennifer are trying to make you ABANDON ME again." SHE NEVER Abandoned him and he knows it. She was forced into giving him up. WHAT ELSE IS HE SAYING TO HER? She's completely cut me out of her life, believes I MADE up the letters and says if I can't have Joey in MY life, she doesn't want me in hers.This person is HIGHLY dangerous and is destroying our family. The damage that's happening right now may be unrepairable.AND California is running out of money and are releasing criminals. What if he's angry about all of this and comes after me? Am I in danger?What do I do??
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Don't beleive this is GSA at all...I beleive, unfortuantly for some reason or another your biobrother is a predator. I have problems with gsa, I know its out there but it just makes me go ewwwwwww. Anyway, This is a classic case of boundries....personally, I would stay away from him and explain to your mother why. Maybe she needs some counseklng, as any mother would to find out your child is a sexual predator. I'm sorry.
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This does not sound like typical GSA to me, either. It sounds like outright sexual predation although there may be a component of GSA to it as well.
I'm sorry your mother doesn't believe you. Do you think if you DID send her copies of those letters she would wake up and realize that you are not making this up?
Your bio-bro sounds highly manipulative and potentially dangerous. I don't blame you for wanting to stay far away from this. Your mother is in a highly vulnerable situation just being in reunion, and I'm afraid could be very easy prey for someone to manipulate. I urge you to seek out counseling on your own for this issue, but also to try to get some help for her as well.
Send a COPY of the letters to her...you keeping the orginals....put those in a very safe place for future....if she doesn't believe you after those, then that is her problem, she doesn't want to believe he is sick and I am sorry you are having to go thru this but he is a sick sick person....
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Jen,If I were in your shoes, I would want absolutely nothing to do with your bio bro.... sounds like he has some major issues that you do not need, and your mom does not need. I can't imagine, as a birthmom, what it would be like to wonder, worry and hurt for so many years, only to find this situation. It has to be really really hard on her, and it sounds like she has not been able to deal with it, which in some ways, is understandable. You sound like a fantastic person, who loves her mom. Don't let this guy destroy that and don't be angry at her. Remember, she is your Mom and you love her: I don't think she means to hurt you, I think this is just so hard for her to wrap her head around. Devastating, in a way. Put away your pride, and send her the letters. Tell her how much you love and miss her and how concerned you are about her. Otherwise, this guy suceeds. hugs,Meg
His behavior, including copies of the letters should be sent to the parole office that has control. The prison can give you the right address and probably the name they should be directed to. Your brother is obviously not getting any better, and this behavior, while incarcerated, should be reported. It can weigh on the question of releasing him.
I agree with sending your mom copies of these letters, & you might consider contacting his parole officer. Your brother isn't right in the head & is a sexual predator plain & simple. Your mom is in denial, once she reads the letters, give her time & space to let it sink into her head. This isn't genetic sexual attraction, your brother has issues, & your mom is still glowing in the novelty of finding him.
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Your mom will eventually see that she is being manipulated by a psychopath and suffer immense guilt over you for having pushed you away. The situation she finds herself in is tragic, but it is not your job to take on the burden of her denial. After years of searching for her son, it is probably devestating to find an 'it' like him. She probably wonders if the adoption screwed him up and he's probably fostering her guilt. He will evetually push her to her limit and if he's as bad as you're saying, someone else outside of your family bubble will take notice too. He will land himself in jail once again. Sexual offenders re-offend. Give yourself a break and disassociate from the situation. Every family has "one" and your adopted brother is it. Your mom has to figure it out on your own. Time will take care of this situation. Even families who grow up together must sever ties when someone is so sick in the head that they affect the family unit.
I feel for you sweetie...I just found my brother who was given up for adoption, a few days ago...and found out he too, is in prison for 20 years after being convicted of sexual abuse of a minor (4 little girls). That's as far as it goes though. I haven't contacted him. Our mother is deceased, so I don't have to worry about that aspect. I'm going to pray for you, that your mother realizes what he truly is. She owes you an apology!
Your brother is a sexual predator. I would stop all contact with him. If he send you mail, I would just put not at this address or just throw it away. I would even move, If I could. Since your a victim. Sadly your mom doesn't want to hear the truth. She might feel it's her fault, since she gave her son up for adoption. Maybe it's denial to protect her. I would just tell her there's no way I want any letter or anything from him, just try to let it go. Nothing u do will matter, since she wont believe you, or is just in denial.
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What's going on has nothing to do with Genetic Sexual Attraction, if such a thing really exists. What's going on is that Joey is a sexual predator and, probably, a person with a severe form of RAD, who has never developed a conscience. People with RAD are inclined to manipulate people and try to convince them of things that are untrue, much the way Joey tried to make your family believe that he did not touch his stepdaughter inappropriately and shouldn't be in prison. They also tend to act as if society's rules do not apply to them. I'll bet that he eventually asks your Mom to help him convince the parole board that his imprisonment was unjustified and that he should be released, or asks both your parents to give him money, let him live with them when he is released, etc.Even while meeting the biological mother he hasn't seen in years, and the siblings he never met, all he could do was to start touching you, his sister, inappropriately. It's not that he didn't know his actions were wrong, or that he couldn't control his actions; he simply didn't care. Clearly, he will do whatever he wants, regardless of whether it's wrong or hurts someone, because he has no conscience. And in his situation, what he wants is mainly sexual gratification, though he has no qualms about lying and doing other bad things.A person with this sort of disorder is unlikely to be cured by prison time, therapy, religion, or anything else. Even chemical or physical castration won't help. The problem is in his head, not his genitals. He'll still do whatever makes him feel good, even if he can no longer have sexual intercourse. Maybe he'll continue to molest. Maybe he'll escalate to more violent crimes. Almost certainly, he'll continue to manipulate people; he's almost certainly smart enough to be a great con man.I agree with previous posters, that you should probably send your mother and father a copy of Joey's salacious letters to you. They deserve to know that you are not a liar, and that Joey has become a dangerous person. Yes, he is the son for whom your mother searched for years, but she needs to recognize that he did not turn out the way she would have wanted. She can certainly continue to care about him, with that kind of unconditional love that a parent feels for a child. However, she needs to take steps to protect herself from being conned by him, or worse; she cannot let herself be taken in by his lies, and needs to realize that he is capable of hurting family members, much as he has already hurt you by inappropriate touching and by sending you, his sister, letters designed to seduce. I also agree with the previous poster that you should immediately send a copy of the letters to the prison warden and parole board. These people need to understand that, despite any efforts he may make to con them, he is NOT deserving of early release, and probably should never be allowed out into society, though there will probably be no way to keep him incarcerated, once he serves his sentence, unless he offends again and winds up either back in prison or confined to a psychiatric facility.I know a little about RAD, because I have a cousin with it. He is not a sexual predator, thank God, but he has no conscience, and caused terrible emotional pain to his wonderful parents, who adopted him when he was a newborn. They tried to teach him right and wrong, celebrated his strengths, and sought all kinds of professional help for him, but nothing worked. He violated their rules, tried to con them constantly, was smart enough to go to law school but never passed the bar exam or worked in his profession, took to substance abuse and drinking, and was a constant source of grief and worry to them. Eventually he married, but basically abandoned his young wife and baby for months at a time, roaming the country to commit various frauds. During his wanderings, he dropped in on relatives, including my parents, asking for food, lodging, and money, as well as trying to get them to participate in some of his fraudulent schemes; thank goodness, my parents realized quickly what sort of a person he was, and were not conned into giving him money or participating in his schemes. Finally, his wife demanded a divorce and child support, which his parents paid.Ultimately, he was arrested and convicted on federal fraud charges. He was sentenced to a prison term -- which wound up being lengthened when he made calls to the judge who sentenced him, threatening him and his family with bodily harm. After he was released, and after the death of his parents, he began writing "poor me" letters to several of his relatives, including me. He asked for a place to live and for money, saying that it was too hard for an ex-con to get a job, but not showing any remorse for his actions or indicating that he had changed his ways. Of course, most of us knew that he had blown through a very hefty inheritance in an amazingly short time, but he conveniently failed to mention that. Although we are a fairly close family, and would normally help a relative in need, all of us who received letters decided not to respond to him. That may seem heartless, but we had all seen his treatment of his parents, wife, and child, and knew that he was not to be trusted. I had a young daughter at the time, and I certainly wouldn't have wanted him in our house.It is lucky that my cousin did not feel a need to act out sexually, but rather stuck to financial crimes, such as attempts to defraud people. With his lack of a conscience, who knows what terrible things he might have done, if he was also a sexual predator. But your brother IS one, and between his proclivities and his lack of a conscience, he is potentially a terribly dangerous person. You need to stay away from him, encourage your parents to do the same, and work with them on a strategy for keeping all of you safe once he gets out of prison.If your mother is not yet ready to admit that her son is a dangerous man, and your Dad sides with her in asking you to forgive and forget, you should NOT give in. Ask the prison authorities NOT to let him send you letters, and see if that's possible. If he knows your phone number, get a new and unlisted one. If necessary, when he gets out of prison, get a restraining order against him. When he gets out, contact his parole officer and make sure he/she knows the situation and will take action if he begins harassing you. Your mother may get mad, momentarily, but she surely loves you as much as she loves him, and won't want to cut ties with you or see you harmed.Sharon
Last update on December 7, 1:51 am by Sharon Kaufman.
What's going on has nothing to do with Genetic Sexual Attraction, if such a thing really exists. What's going on is that Joey is a sexual predator and, probably, a person with a severe form of RAD, who has never developed a conscience.