Hollywood and adoption

Things probably won't change on TV shows and movies until people start "educating" the screenwriters about adoption-related issues. There's an amom who is a member of the forums here who is a Hollywood screenwriter, but I can't remember her name! I'm hoping she sees your thread; maybe she'll have some ideas about how to more accurately portray the adoption world in Hollywood. :prop:

Perhaps it would have been better to either state, "I have a son and a daughter" or "I have an adopted son and a daughter I gave birth to", so as to provide equal treatment. I guess that by singling out adoption refereces makes adoption seem unusual and 'abnormal'. Not knowing the context of the statement, it's hard to say what the implied meaning was or why the adoption reference was raised at all. As a comparison, would stepparents in a blended family say, "I have a son/daughter and a stepson/stepdaughter"? If so, would the reference to the stepchild make the stepchild imply second best or just stating a factual point? Similarly, if it was a multi-racial family, would stating, "I have two cousins, one of whom is Caucasian," imply that the Caucasian cousin is second best? Also, would stating, "I have a daughter with a disability and a son" seem odd? How about, "I have two cousins, one of whom is heterosexual," sound strange and if so, why? I guess the question is, when does singling out a fact (i.e. one child is adopted or a stepchild or Asian) become implying that it's second best or abnormal? I can see both sides so I'm not sure how I'd answer these questions. Or maybe as a racial minority and an adoptee, I'm so used to being singled out as the 'other'/different/a minority, so at some level have just become immune to it all. However, I do also know that in discussions about discrimination in general, having to specify a particular group subtley implies 'otherness' and unusualness that is outside our general social norms and expectations. Eg. Female poet, male nurse, single parent, Chinese-American vs. male poet, female nurse, married parent, American.

**DH and I are strongly considering becoming adoptive parents, adopting an older child/children from the foster system, neither of us are adopted. It's occured to me that while I COMPLETELY understand why adoptive parents and adoptees don't like the label ("these are my adopted children/parents"), it kind of makes it seem like a "secret society" to those that aren't adopted/adoptive families. I mean, people understand where bio kids come from and how that happens, but many don't understand the adoption process. I know why those labels seem at the least rude and at the worst, hurtful because to the parents those are their kids the adopted part doesn't matter and for the kids, those are their parents, the adoptive part doesn't matter (if all works the way everyone would hope). But I really think that in an attempt to "normalize" it, hollywood is trying to make a point of stating it in movies and shows without doing a very good job. I mean, to me, it does seem odd, just like saying "meet my friend joe, he's black" or something. But also, unless it's an interracial adoption, it might not be that obvious that a child is adopted-especially on a show where the actors are very likely not related. It's almost like a warped way of saying "adoption is normal and ok, people do this all the time" but going about it wrong. I do wish they would try a little harder to make things a bit more realistic though. Like that new christmas movie, the three gifts. If you didn't see it-a woman runs a foster home (rather like an orphanage-large building, lots of kids, it's her job-not like a foster family in their personal home) and is having work done on the facility over the holidays but doesn't have enough room for the three oldest boys in the home. So, she asks her nephew and his wife to take them in to their house over the holiday. The nephew and his wife decide they like the kids and are going to adopt them. No mention of paperwork, homestudy, matching, caseworkers, just "here, watch these kids" then "aw, they're so great, we're adopting them". I understand it's a Christmas movie, but I think with something that so few people really understand, it makes people think that's really how it works, which makes explaining the whole process of homestudies, matching, failed matches, etc more confusing to family and friends! Then there's celeb adoptions that make it seem like you fly off to some poor destitute land and save some starving kid from a life of dispair and it's as easy as that. No paperwork, waiting, just go get your kid.

RavenSong that would be great. Although I do not expect a whole lot of change, I was just more or less venting. Ripples I can understand why you have felt singled out as intercountry adoption is so much more visible to the public eye and generally accompany's many questions (some that are very inappropriate) from strangers in stores etc..., but somethings should just go without saying. Adoption is not typically the first choice, if you will, for parents, so to hear a parent say that is to reiterarte the second best standard to me, especailly when you have a mix of bio and adopted children. But I agree with your post, adoption is not the only area that people should be careful about imposing "otherness Finding Balance I completely agree with you, on top of being an adoptee I am also an adoption worker and the whole process of adoption is not easy, it takes a lot of work patience and waiting. I laugh at shows and movies that portray it as easy or the idea that "Love" conquers all. To adopt and rasise a child that is adopted takes a lot more than "Love" it takes a lot of patience, empathy and openess.