If you were adopted as an older child...

What things do you wish your A parents would have known, said or done? DH and I are looking to adopt an older child/sib group in the future (actively house hunting and will start the process after closing, our current place just isn't a home to bring kids into, from the neighbors-with their juvenile delinquent children who drink (underage) and do drugs to the size, we want them to come home to a positive place with their own space). We have no bio kids and no family close by, so aside from our classes and caseworker, as well as any groups we can find locally and boards like this, we are going to be "winging it" for lack of a better word (which, I know, is basically what all parents, bio or adoptive do in reality). I just like to be able to see beyond the obvious and want to try to avoid making big mistakes that might not seem like they are mistakes at the time (I know, ALL parents make mistakes, lol). We don't want to be this guy :boot: or this guy :hippie: too much, we just want to be good parents to kids that really deserve good parents in their lives. So, to me, that means knowing as much about this whole parent things as possible! As much as we can ask them things, and let them know things, I know they will probably have trust issues and may not want to be honest about everything, being afraid we will not love them or want them because of something (not true, but I understand what trust issues can make one think and feel). I also know everyone is different, so I can't take everything I am told as how they will feel. But, it might give me some insight to know we might want to tell them upfront it's ok if they don't want to call us mom and dad right away, or even ever in some cases (Dh and I just talked about what if one of us is "mom" or "dad" and the other is still H or M, and decided while it would hurt it would be ok, because sometimes "you" (as in they) just can't) and we won't be mad at them for it. So, any insight for us?