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Hello there, first of all let me tell you the backing story, and apologise as it will probably be long.
I was asked to take on a 12 year old boy (almost 13) who had been through a lot of homes, had dealings with the police, problems with school attendance and overal at the time I was given the impression that it was going to be a case of babysitting him until he turned 18 as there was little that could be done with him. Lets call him Adam.
I myself hate the thought of giving up on children and I couldn't say no when I was asked to take him for a little while (again I got the feeling they felt that no one would keep him for long). The first few weeks were as I had expected, he was brought home by the police 4 times, arrested twice, frequently didn't come home on time, refused to go to school and so on.
After the first few weeks however things seemed to calm down, he didn't swear as much, he began coming home on time, no more dealings with the police and we even had a tutor that would come round and help him to catch up on school work. Words cannot discribe how proud of him I was.
Over the next 8 months I had him seeing a therapist, going to school 4 and a half days per week, and it was as if he was a different lad.
However due to some circumstances out of our control Adam had to be moved to a new foster home.
Two months later, Emma moved in. A just turned 14 year old. She had been moved back into care mainly due to her own wish, but since living with me much more has come out and the levels of abuse at her home were horrific. Emma has an eating disorder which has seen her placed in hospital several times, each for a few months.
Now while she still suffers, we are hoping things are getting better.
Adam didn't get along so well at his new foster home and while he would visit from time to time he would disappear, often turning up on my doorstep in tears. While we waited for him to be collected etc he would play board games with Emma and the two seemed to get along well, far better then anyone would have guessed if you read their files.
I have recently been asked if I would consider having Adam move back in here. To begin with I was very unsure as both need a great deal of attention and I was unsure if we would be able to support both as much as they needed.
After some consideration and a lot of discussion, we've decided that we'd give it a go. However, I've told Adam if he wants to come back to live here then he will have to start seeing a therapist again, he will need a tutor - he is bright and all the time he lives with me he will get an education, and of course school is a must. All of which he has agreed to.
Although I have a good feeling about it, I can't help being nervous. To me it will be great to have them both here and a part of me cannot wait for Adam to move in.... but I just can't help thinking "what if it goes wrong" and if it does, I have caused more disruption in not only Adams life but Emmas too.
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Ohh I agree with you completly about a baby being added and it was an aspect that I considered before agreeing to anything, but their relationship appears to be more brother and sister like. While Emma is older Adam seems protective the way an older brother would be.
I'll keep an eye on them of course but fingers crossed things will work out for the best.
Teenagers are a funny age group, as much as they want to be adults they are still very much children and need the same love and care that we give to the little ones, just on a more grown up level.
I refuse to give up on children, no matter what they've been through or how they behave I don't want to believe that there is nothing that can be done no matter what the age group. I've been up all hours of the night with screaming 5 year olds and been searching the streets for missing teens but its all part of the job I guess.
I am so pleased that Adam will be back here though, I didn't want him to leave, he didn't want to go and the social worker had her doubts but a family member was going to be moving too close for comfort and it was thought best for Adam if he was not in such close contact. We all know what its like parting with children that we wish could stay.
I know you didn't mean it this way, but your post makes our teen FS seem like a dream. We are not cut out for teens, as we have found out, or perhaps it was just too much of a change for a first placement (we have no kids of our own yet). However, if you know the kids and what they need you may be able to handle two better than we could. We had a second teen for a short time (think days) when we realized that they were playing off of/bringing out the bad traits in each other. It wasn't going to work so it was ended quickly. I'm not saying don't do it, but really think about how it will work out rather than just not wanting to give up on them. Good luck on whatever decision you make.