Need guidance and options for 2 year old.

Are you nearby any local shelters or churches that have programs to help you out during this rough time? A talk with your doctor or local clinic doctor to see what you can do about the depression?Any family nearby or willing to help you out? Maybe offer a place to stay for awhile til you get back on your feet? Are you thinking of divorce? Would that help your chances of getting help from family and friends?Adoption is a very permanent action and while I'm a huge advocate for adoption, I'm also a big advocate for making sure it's the best option out there. Sometimes it's not the best option and people truly don't realize how permanent it all is.I'm not trying to say don't do it or do it, because this is a big decision that no one else can answer for you. However, I know something some women have said is that no one told them they COULD parent or pointed out any possible resources to help them out during a temporary situation. This economy downturn will not last forever, jobs will be back, there is assistance through the states/government and there are programs to help see you through. Your child deserves YOU too.:)If you pm me with your location, I can help you find some resources hopefully. Another point I wanted to make is that you can't put your child up for adoption without your husband's okay. It's also his son. I'll try to round up some people a lot more experienced at this stuff than me.

Have you considered calling a women's shelter/hotline to get some help for yourself? It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship and need to get something better for yourself.

Making such a momentous, lifelong decision should not be made when you're in a such a deep depression. Personally, I think there are other steps you should take first before even thinking about relinquishing your 2-year-old son for adoption. As the other posters have pointed out, you really should call your local women's shelter. I'm going to be blunt -- if you're thinking of giving your child up for adoption because of your husband...dump the man, not the child. He sounds very abusive to me, and a women's shelter can provide you with a place to stay temporarily while you get back on your feet. They will also make sure you avail yourself of all available financial and job-related resources. They'll guide you towards job training, if that's what's required to obtain employment. As far as your depression goes, I'm assuming you don't have any health insurance. If this is the case, you can obtain free counseling and antidepresssants through your local community mental health center. (In some areas they're called County Mental Health. If you have trouble finding their phone number, just give your County Department of Social Services a ring -- they'll give you the number.) Most of these clinics offer walk-in crisis centers, where you don't even need an appointment. Adoption is not a cure-all -- and it does NOT guarantee that your child will have a better life than he would with you. In my opinion, adoption should only be used as a last resort, especially for older children. Your son is bonded deeply with you, and you are his world. If you really want what's best for him, then get yourself some counseling, and get rid of your husband. You do NOT have to stay with him, not if he makes you feel so badly that you're considering giving up your son. I hope you keep posting here. We don't have all the answers, but we're all pretty good listeners. :loveyou:

Everything everyone else said. Plus... ...That is a fairytale and a myth. There is nothing in adoption that will even begin to guarantee that. I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I hope you find the help you need to make things better for yourself and your son. Doing what is healthy for yourself will be what is healthy for him and, in the long run anyway, your husband. You cannot hurt your husband by getting yourself and your son into a healthy situation. You can and will hurt him if you ignore your needs and your son's needs.

even if i left my boyfriend, i could not care for my son. ive tried and tried to get government assistance, but they just give you the run around, and then deny you. everyone around here that truly needs it is having the same problem. the shelters are overpacked, ive tried getting into a church program called "father bills" and there is a 2-3 year waiting list... its like a shelter idea but its your own apartment and you pay a little of the rent. i cant even get a day care voucher because the waiting list is so long. ive looked into a lot of options, but everything is waiting list after waiting list. im on all of them, but because i have a roof over my head and have a little bit of income, im not a top priority. i have no friends or family to help me, they're either dealing with the same stuff, or just dont have the means to help us. ive been trying to get out of this relationship for over a year, but if i leave, i have nowhere to go, and i refuse to let my son live in a car. as for my depression, ive been fighting it my entire life. ive had more than one doctor just give up on me. meds make it worse, and they have yet to find anything to make it better. i do have health insurance, but what do i do when everyone gives up on me? i call my dad just about every few months begging for help... he jokes that im "beyond help" and never does anything to help me. my son may not get the fairy tale life with another family, but, in my eyes, anything is better than this. as for my relationship, he is very much emotionally abusive, and has just started this breaking things crap... but we got into a verbal fight over the phone, and I came home to find his NEW phone snapped in half (he broke his old one 3 weeks ago), the microwave glass broken (he punched it), his rearview mirror of his car shattered, and a rubbermaid bin w/ drawers i had in the corner of our room in a million tiny pieces since he beat it with a bat. i dont know where this is coming from. ive begged him to get help, and pointed out he's just getting worse. His mother has told him the same, and he just doesn't want to listen. He doesn't drink, and doesn't do drugs, so I don't know why he is having such bad freak outs. It never used to be like this. Last night I told him the next step is he WILL start hitting me and our son, and he said he'd never do it. I don't believe him. I'm honestly terrified, and he knows I'm stuck. :(

Where I live there is an option for parents to voluntarily place their child into foster care for 3 to 6 months if they are going through a time of personal crisis. You MIGHT consider (if you honestly and only feel this is your ONLY option) calling your DFS office and seeing if this is a possibility. Maybe you could meet with the foster parents, and see if they having the training to deal with a grieving little guy and if they would consider being an adoptive resource - and still have weekly visits etc for the 6 months while you see if things get better. IF THEY DONT ... then maybe your son could be adopted by his foster parents and you could maintain a relationship with them. IF THEY DO get better - you would be able to parent your son. I am sorry you are facing this ... I know that noone knows what it is like to be in your shoes and sometimes moms are faced with impossible decisions. I can tell you love your son very, very much.

I really do love my son so much... but there has to be better for him. I didn't realize there were options out there like you described. i'm just scared to go to DFS and tell them my situation, and them talk me out of it, and then have them call CS on me and lose my son forever, you know? I don't even know who to go to about anything, because I don't want my son taken away from me... I'd rather do it willingly. He's such an amazing little guy... I can't imagine my life without him, but I can't even begin to think about what his life is going to be like if he stays with me in the situation I'm in.

I feel so sad you are going through something like this! You need to do what is best for your son so he is safe,loved and in a healthy and stable home! You can contact your social services dept in your area and talk with them about your situation,or you can do a legal private adoption of your choice! I wish you all the best,and if you would like to talk and I will try to guide you in the best way possible for your little boy!!

My heart is just breaking for you. I am so sorry you are going thru this :( I really hope I can help you..... I was/am involved in a very complicated situation and the mom was/is hoping to place her 1 year old with us. The father doesn't want to place, and its all very complicated and sad. Bottom line is that this mom is struggling to parent and I have been trying to help her. There are resources out there for mom/baby foster care. There also some shelters if you are over 18. She's not, so its not an option for her. There is also some free help you can get as far as counseling and your depression. I also have some resources for WIC and CHIP for food and healthcare, etc. I looked at your profile and see you live in PA. I do too and I am wondering if the resources I've found for this girl can help you? If you are interested-- email me thru my profile. Of maybe I can post? I don't know the rules on posting links and phone numbers on here though. Many hugs and prayers. I am so sorry you are struggling. :(