Older child adoption

What type of therapy have you done with her and how long have you been her mom? What do you mean when you say "So yes, I tried"?

When she threatens to kill herself, do you take her to the hospital? When my son wanted me to find him another family, I informed him he was out of luck because we were the only family he was getting. Is this a child you adopted? Not asking to be nosy, just helps when looking for resources as it can make a difference as to how this is handled. Has the child had a psychological evaluation to determine any existing mental illness that might be playing a part in her behavior?

I'm her birth mother, so had her all 8 years. When I say... Yes I've tried, just stressing again Whatever You've thought of for help, I've tried. She never talks in therapy. She's seen a few counselors. When I'm in the room she says nothing, and the therapist informed me when I'm out of the room, She does not say much. He concluded it was just a cry for attention. I work at home, spend every minute with my child, changed schools, etc etc. I was just needed info on how to put on older child up for adoption and if that's possible. After trying for several years, I must just be failing at parenthood and have to throw in the towel at 1 point (before it's too late).

Well, she's 8 and honestly, her therapist should have told her that 8 year olds do NOT get to make decisions about where they live and she's stuck in the family she was born to and needs to deal with it. You likely will have to go to social services if you really think this is best. The only other option is to contact and attorney to see what your options are. I am not sure you can really do this and it won't be easy. I also think your child really doesn't want another family. She may think she does but she's 8 and should not be allowed to make such a decision unless she is being abused, and that doesn't sound like the case here. Have you read Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fey? Not trying to minimize the issues your child has. I'm sure they are very real and that she is very difficult. However, having her placed won't be easy and you may regret that decision at some point. You have to put yourself in charge. You have to be sure she understands spewing nastiness at you is not okay. You may need to try another therapist. Really good ones give the parents ideas for how to deal with odd child behaviors. It doesn't sound like the one you used offered you much help. Hope you find some peace and assistance, whatever you end up doing.

I don't know you personally, but be assured that every single one of us, who admits the reality, has felt that they "failed at parenthood" at one time or another. I would hate to see you place your child for adoption and lose all control over what happens to her future, if it's a matter of you needing help parenting (as we ALL DO at some point). If you'd like to PM me, I'll do what I can to hold you up. Believe me, I've had some pretty precarious days of my own lately with our 10 year old. I love him so much and it hurts to see him struggle with his behaviors. Darn, why can't this be easier?

Have you tried play therapy with her? An 8 year old won't respond well with talk therapy, but finding a good play therapist can make all the difference. Have you tried Family Based Mental Health Services? This is a team of therapists that comes to your home and works with you as her parent on how best to parent your daughter and works with your daughter to try to pinpoint what is really going on. They have been a godsend to our family. Every one of us has wanted to give up, has felt as a failure as a parent, but the reality is, we signed up for 'unconditional love' when we decided to be parents, whether through birth or adoption, and it is our job to provide it. It doesn't matter what our children say or do, it is our job to never give up on them. Vent here, find support here, find practical help here, but please don't give up on your daughter.

Have you tried contacting an agency called CHASK? They are very Christian based, so I don't know how you feel about that but they may offer a lot of guidance and assistance. They do have older children listed as old as 11yrs. although they mainly handle special needs children. Other than that you may have to speak to a private attorney.

Might want to try [url=http://tmklaw.com/adoption-replacement-program.php]Adoption Disruption: Law Offices of Todd M. Kolarik Esq: Adoption Attorney[/url] think they usally help people who have adopted but are now unable to parent the child but maybe they could give you some help Also there are many homes and ranches for children most of them are Christain based but might be another place to start looking

I just wanted to chime in that I have seen older children listed Edited to remove agency name, which is an adoption facilitator out of California, so I know placing an older child is possible. I also once was in communication with a mother wanting to place her 3 year old privately. Going through an attorney, agency, or facilitator will give you more control over which family adopts your daughter. If you turn to social services, and they take legal custody of her, then they make the final decision as to where she goes, and it's a very lengthy process (not in her best interest to be in limbo if at all possible).Having said that, I also want to comment that only you know whether or not you can handle trying to parent your daughter any longer. Clearly, you are here not to ask for help parenting, but for help placing her in an adoptive home. We cannot tell you which would be in your or your daughter's best interest.Best of luck to you. God bless.