I think I finally get it

Glad that you're so earnest and committed about being an a-parent. I didn't know that the vast majority of a-moms feel committed 6 months in. Why do you think that's the case? Is the level of commitment any different than with kids whom they gave birth to? Just curious since I thought that many parents, while they may feel nervousness, depression and ambivalence upon first becoming a parent (eg. due to the huge sense of responsibility, etc), do feel committed earlier on (or maybe my friends and relatives were just putting up a false front). And I agree with you that how parents act 6 years in (and onwards into the adoptees' adulthood), once the honeymoon is over, can be a challenge for some. Again, I imagine that this may be the case for both a-parents and non-adoptive parents. I remember my acupuncturist telling me about the trials and tribulations of his 20+ year old daughter and he said that the job of parenthood continues on even after the offspring have left home. I get the impression that nowadays there's so much societal pressure to prove to be the supermom, superdad, the perfect family. To have the best gadgets, car, home. To live every moment proving ourselves. As if our mission in life is to be better than the Joneses in achieving perfection. The older I get, the more I think that we do what we can, with the best of intentions, with the knowledge and resources that we have at the time. There may be glitches and mishaps but at the end of our lives, we can have look back in knowing that we, as mortal beings, did what was humanly possible within the circumstances of our unique life journeys.:moped:

Wcurry, I tend to believe that the majority of adoptive parents are good parents. There will always be those who adopted for the wrong reason or have their own personal demons that stop them from being good parents but overall I think adoptive parents try harder to do it right. I am not sure in what area you are defensive of...when adoptees speak or other adoptive parents? If it is the adoptees speaking you have to recognise most of what is stated as negative is about being adopted, it seldom (unless there is abuse) has anything to do with how they feel about their parents...it is hard for an adoptive parent listening to an adoptee (not her child) to separate the act of being adopted and all that implies from how the adoptee feels about their adoptive parents but it really is two distinct subjects. I can rant about being an adoptee and what is wrong with adoption and in the next breath praise my mom and dad because one has nothing to do with the other. Yet somehow people need to combine the two when the two have nothing to do with each other. I hear more on this board from adoptive parents who say negative, horrible things about their parents and how they were raised than I ever do from adoptees...yet the response from an adoptive parent to a so called 'angry adoptee' is...I am sorry you had a bad experience and I won't be that type of parent...you see what I mean? Ripples is right when she said - "The older I get, the more I think that we do what we can, with the best of intentions, with the knowledge and resources that we have at the time. There may be glitches and mishaps but at the end of our lives, we can have look back in knowing that we, as mortal beings, did what was humanly possible within the circumstances of our unique life journeys." My parents did the best job they knew how to do - hindsight is 20/20 but as of yet there is no such thing as time travel... Kind regards,Dickons

This blog post may be better at explaining what I was trying to say...there are other posts related to this post that are good too. [url=http://ourlittletongginator.blogspot.com/2010/05/clawing-our-way-out-of-cluelessness.html]Our Little Tongginator: Clawing Our Way Out of Cluelessness[/url] Kind regards,Dickons

True, that is an assumption. And, no, i don't think its necessarily different for someone who gives birth. I guess what I was getting at is there's a honeymoon period - when new parents are shopping for outfits, showing off their little bundle of joy, having fun showing off their world to a young one. That zeal doesn't necessarily last. And is not necessarily an indicator of how one deals with puberty You're absolutely right - some parents do experience depression once thye have their little one. Others may have this once things settle in.

Dickons - its totally my own baggage, not triggered by what you or anyone one else says. I LOVE reading your posts. They've helped me process where I'm at/where we're going. When I see any adult adoptee hurting, its my own disire to consoul/prove I'm not like those other parents that gives me an urge to differentiate myself. What hit me over the weekend is that i should stop worrying about convincing you all.. or anyone else, that I'll be different. Instead I need to worry about the next weeks, months, years with my princess.

Wcurry, I get it now...I wouldn't be worried so much is aware of being human and have a quick review. You have tons of empathy which is needed to be a good parent. And don't forget to just plain old enjoy life...not every minute needs to be filled, sometimes just quietly enjoying the moment is better. Take care,Dickons