Why older kids? (Poll/Discussion)

She just came to us; it was fate. But, that said... I'm not sure it would have happened if she was an infant. the whole "diapers, waking 3 times a night, teething" life would have been too intimidating a leap. Having a human who can discuss feelings was a much better fit for us

I wanted to be a mom, I came to the idea of adoption. I evaluated the options and realized there were children in need of parents who could benefit from my experience, and that might benefit from a single mom. I saw the TARE site and that was it I was in love: with every single little girl!

Great question pez! In our early days as FPs, we were very fearful of taking in older children. Two years into fostering we met 10 and 11 yr old brothers at our after school program who were being moved from their foster home and were about to be separated. Something inside of me just said "DO THE RIGHT THING!" We did not end up adopting them, but we did learn that we COULD care for older kids and really did a pretty good job for young, inexperienced parents!;) After the boys and their adult sister moved out, we decided to do a domestic infant adoption because we wanted the newborn experience just once! When our baby girl turned 1, we decided that we did not want to adopt another baby that 25 people were lined up to take. We wanted kids that other people had said no to. We wanted to raise kids who desperately needed a mom and dad...and that's exactly what we got! They are wonderful and exhasting and beautiful and the biggest challenge and the greatest joy of my life. My life would be easier, but much less meaningful without them. That is the 100% honest truth.

I have worked in day care since I was 18. Love little kids but I am ready to be done with diapers, bottles and potty training. I want to adopt kids that think they are to old to be adopted.....

It was a definite choice on our part. We were hoping for a child between the ages of 6 and 12. When I was a kid myself, I used to tell people that I wasn't going to have children of my own, but adopt the kids that no one wanted. :) Move forward 30 years, and after spending 22 great years together, DH and I decided that our choice to not have children was one we truly regretted. We talked for probably a year before deciding that we wanted to adopt a child that stood less of a chance of being adopted by loving parents, due to age, circumstances and struggles. We went through foster parent training, and G came for his first visit the day that our license was granted. We've never looked back . . . maybe thought we were crazy a few dozen times . . . but my childhood dreams have born fruit. :love:

R says this all the time! And as much as I know that for heer, it's just the primary way of thinking about how families are formed.... I would LOVE it! She always says "I'll be 25 like you, and get a van and drive to "MeMaw's" (her former foster moms) and pick up some kids. two little girls. And they will be in your class and you can teach them stuff while I go to work." :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

L says this type of thing, too! She says she's going to take care of kids when their parents can't. My decision was easy. I wanted to be a mom and my husband hates babies! I've wanted to be a parent my entire life. It's been my main dream and goal in life. I married a guy who told me from the start that he didn't want kids. I was totally smitten with him and thought that either I could learn to accept the sacrifice or he'd change his mind. Neither happened for a long time. I really mourned the loss of my dream of being a Mom. Then some how the subject of adoption got started between us. He gave a tiny indication that he'd be open to an older child. He felt strongly that he could not see himself with a baby, but raising a child that needed parents might be a possibility. We kept up frequent communication (aka nagging from me) and now here we are - our 9 year old angel girl sleeping soundly in the room he painted lavender for her as I type this!

We did the "baby" thing with our first adoption and got it out of our system. He was 4 mos. old when we got him. The next one was 2 1/2. This time we requested a child between the ages of 4-9 and expected to get a 9-year-old (which would have been perfect because our younger son is now 12) but they contacted us about a 6-year-old. That's great, too. We'll finalize on him in a week or so. :clap: I agree with the pp who said they did not want to wait in line with 25 other couples for 1 infant. We felt that way, too. We wanted a child who was less likely to be "chosen" for adoption, who needed a home and a family to love him as he is, with whatever "baggage" he brings with him.

How sweet! :D I hope her journey leads her to open her heart too. You and leahcar do realize that they are doing this because you had enough love to do it and model it for them, don't you? What a sweet testimony of what YOU'VE both done in your children's lives. :D

Thank you all for this thread. I'm new here - My husband and I decided just last weekend that we wanted to learn more about foster to adoption and this has been a great resource. Its great to hear that other people feel the same you do - We are starting this process and hope to adopt a 4-6 year old mainly because we didn't want the care that goes along with an infant. I feel we are much better suited in our lives at this point to take care of a younger child and one who needs us just as much as we need them. I have an autoimmune disorder that while not life threatening has been problamatic to treat. My next options are some heavy duty drugs that would keep me from being pregnant for several years and we want to start our family now. Perhaps somewhere down the road we'll want biological children but by that point it may be too late and we don't want to have missed out on having a house full of kids!

I see this is an old thread, but since it popped back up there, I'll answer! There are a lot of reasons I want older children. As a teacher, most of my students were ten/eleven/twelve/thirteen/fourteen, and I loved that age. They are crazy and hormonal and have attitudes like you wouldn't believe, but they are also vulnerable and trying desperately to learn who they are as people - who they will be as adults. It's such a unique time in a child's life. I taught in areas where parents were mostly non-existent and the schools (teachers) had a lot of influence on the kids. I also dealt with ADHD, ODD, learning disabilities, IEPs, PTSD, and probable (but undiagnosed) RAD. My husband is not ready for a teenager. He is a kindhearted person and a wonderful dad. He goes above and beyond almost every man I know in raising our son, is amazing with our nieces, and I know he'll be a great father to any child in our home. Adoption has always been a part of my plan. It was not in his. After some time, prayer, research, and soul-searching, he decided he was ready to take this journey with me. We decided a sibling set of boys would be ideal for our family. Since he is not ready for a teenager, I agreed to only look at those under eleven, though he would prefer under eight. Since we have yet to begin our classes, we have time. Older children tug at my heart, particularly those with siblings. I'm prepared for behaviors, and I believe my husband will be as well (as much as we can be before the child is actually placed). We have done the baby thing - my son is nine months old - and honestly, I'm over it. Babies require a lot of "stuff" and time - especially before they're sleep-trained. When my son nursed every 2 hours (24 hours a day!) for the first six weeks of his life, I didn't know if I would make it. Now that he's a happy, healthy baby, I'm ready to bring some older brothers into our home. I'm prepared to be an educational advocate, for family counseling, for individual counseling, for bonding, and for loving older children. As a teacher, I had a "knack" for being able to handle the extreme behavior, especially in the boys. Those were only my students. I realize having a child (children) 24/7 is a completely different situation, but we have prepared ourselves as much as we can (until we take classes!) and are ready to take on the challenge.

My husband and I decided to pursue adopting an older child because of our age (early 40's), each of us working, and we did not want to go thru the pregnacy and baby yrs. So lucky my husband is on the same page as me. My hubby also feels that he can relate to an older child better. I have exp. working w/children with emotional issues in my past life. We just completed session 2 of PRIDE!! We hope to be licensed to adopt or a legal risk placement of a girl 6-10.

my partner and I both wanted to be parents, but neither of us felt that pull for a baby that so many people seem to. We prefer the kid stage to the baby stage, for whatever reason. Having been a foster care social worker for years, I knew there were some great kids who needed families and felt like we knew what we'd be getting into. our daughter was 9 going on 10 when she came home and she's awesome. Working on #2 now. :)

Well... My husband always had plans of adopting from abroad, but the cost was prohibitive. I worked in an adolecent behavorial and psych facility. The kids we had there ranged from 7-17ys. Alot of them are in foster care. Then I met "S". The first time I met him was not great. But I worked with this kid for 7months before hubby and I moved out of state. The minute I was not longer working at my job (couldn't do anything when I worked there, conflict of interest) I called the caseworker and started the process. We are still waiting to get everything finalized. But he is 14 going on 15. We have been dealing with ICPC, we are in Louisiana, he is in Florida. But we are lucky, the caseworker approved us to have contact with him, and we call him daily. Have made several trips to FL to visit, and hubbys Parents are involved too. They visit him at least once a week (they are only 2 hours away in FL). We are waiting for a judicial review, and the approval of the judge to get him home. We never expected to be adopting a teenager. We don't have any kids, and thought the who baby thing was for us, then I met him and my whole world changed. :love: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3/10 Contacted CW about adopting "S" age 14 5/10 Completed MAPP classes 6/10 Homestudy complete 7/10 Approval thru ICPC 8/10 Still waiting for the judge to sign off to get him home.

We started out wanting to adopt a newborn domestically via independent adoption. While that wasn't working out, we became licensed foster parents and fostered a little girl from 6-16 months. After 4 fall throughs with birthmoms and the 10 months experience with our FD, as well as our newborn nephew living with us for a few months, we felt that we got the baby bug out of our system. We also couldn't imagine "replacing" our foster daughter, whom we had hoped to adopt, with another child her age. We gave away all baby clothes and accessories, are taking a break right now, and will resume with the adoption of a 3-8 year old child from Poland (unless I find a pivate foster agency in the US who can match us to a child in this age range). I'll add that I "tinkered" with the idea of older child adoption for a year before we finally realized it was God's plan for us. Our precious foster daughter was the angel that put us on the right path.