Animal abuse

I think this is very serious and the child needs psychiatric care immediately. Animal abuse can come from many many different traumas or issues, but whatever it comes from it shows a complete lack of compassion and an inability to understand the pain of other people and beings who are weaker. If the other children in the house are releived that he is gone that is another red flag. It could be a way to deal with anger and frustration (a new a child who threw cats when he was feeling really angry and helpless) or on the other end of the spectrum could demonstrate a form a psychosis (most serial killers tortured and killed small animals when they were children) or anything in between. I would never ever say that a child who hurts animals is psychotic, but they Might be, so you need help right away. Also, you need help teaching this child compassion, and non-violent coping skills, no matter what the source.Sorry if I sound a little extreme on this. The child I know who threw cats turned out ok in the end (though still not good at feeling helpless, even as an adult) but this is a cut and dry issue for me. As a foster and foster adopt parent they ask what you could never tolerate, and this is mine. You may not, under any circumstances, physically harm any living creature that is weaker than you and cannot defent itself. Period. Those are the rules in my house. I am completely aware that not everyone feels this way, and that it becomes super complicated with siblings, and because this child is a member of your family. Wherever you and your family fall on the spectrum of how to deal with this, the child does need to see a therapist immediately.

The part that jumped out to me is that you've "almost" got them adopted. Are you having second thoughts? If his siblings are relieved, I would definitely let the case worker and therapist know. This could potentially be an indicator of something very serious, so perhaps ask if it would be in the best interest of the kids for the siblings to be separated. I'm not sure what the answer is, but best wishes in sorting it out!

This would be a deal breaker for me. The child needs help and I would not be willing to keep him in my house until he gets it. Sorry that you and the kids are going thru this. Hope everything turns out ok.

We are supposed to finalize on the three children on July 21st. We have had them since Thanksgiving. I am so torn about what to do. My heart tells me one thing and my brain tells me another! I talked to DFCS today and they have agreed to place him elsewhere if I give the say so. I feel like I am watching him ALL the time. It is hard not to trust a child.

Get him to a therapist/psychiatrist for an evaluation. I agree that this would be a deal breaker for me. Of course, I have not had him in our home and loved him since last fall, so I am not emotionally involved. The other siblings being relieved that he is gone would also be a red flag. Is this the first time he's done something like this? How old is he? A toddler doing this is different than a 10 year old doing this. Get him to a specialist, and ....pray. I think you are right to be really concerned. I hope you get good answers, and can figure out what feels right to you to do.

I am totally talking out of my hat, but I don't think this child should be in a home with other children or pets. I think it would be unfair to him as well as them. As long as he is in a home with other children and pets, he will be faced with a daily struggle (one hopes he would struggle, at least) to control his compulsions, one that, going by the odds, he would have a hard time winning. I think he needs to be in a safe place, for himself and others, as soon as possible while child services backs up the boat and gets the proper psych evals needed to rewrite his case plan. He is not acting in the moment out of frustration or anger, IMO. You say he tried three times. That shows compulsion and a desire to do the deed without any context other than his own impulse. I think it should be enough to get him hospitalized for evaluation. I also think that he is headed eventually to residential treatment, in which case adoption may severely restrict the therapeutic resources available to him and the protections available to society. In our state, Medicaid does not cover RTC and neither do most insurance plans. The consequences have been horrific as just this past year a teen client of the local mental health system brutally murdered people in their home for the fun of it. Your ds sounds more like a candidate for APPLA than adoption to ensure services through his childhood. I would hate for you to have to plead guilty to medical neglect to get your rights terminated so that he could get treatment, or at least be in a safe, structured environment where he won't hurt others. Or, worse, if he hurt another child, being guilty of endangerment of them. It does happen, it has happened to people I know. I may get flamed, and perhaps justly, since I don't know the boy and I am not a certified anything. These are just my thoughts based on your post and the experience of others I have known personally. I'm so sorry you and your family are having to deal with this. On the less negative side, it sounds as if the other children are not surprised and would support an alternative placement for their brother. That, to me, says volumes. It may be a good thing for all that this has begun to come out before the adoption. Good luck with it all, I know it is hard to know what is right to do.

He is 11 years old. I did get him in with the psychiatrist last week. She diagnosed ADHD, RAD, ODD, and Mood Disorder.

I strongly suggest you cross-post to the special needs adoption board. There are people there with first-hand experience parenting a child with these behaviors. I find it odd that the psych dx'd RAD and ODD; I thought a dx of RAD precluded one of ODD (that is, those symptoms are a part of RAD). Was there any mention of the possibility of "conduct disorder"?

When I was a juvenile public defender, I learned that animal abuse and firestarting are often indicators of sexual abuse. I don't know your fs' history obviously, but maybe something to think about in the mix. I am so sorry you are dealing with this, and I hope he gets the help he needs.