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I wont be able to foster teens until I have an extra bedroom but I am still thinking about it. I wouldn't mind fostering or adopting that age range except I hear all these horror stories and I am afraid of putting my children at risk. However, on some photolistings, some of the teens don't sound bad at all (even though I realize the little blurb about them is hardly an indicator of everything). Specifically, a few that I have run across of teen girls and in their profiles they talk about how the girl loves babies and is great with young kids. Would you trust a profile that says that? Some of the "normal teen problem behaviors" aren't horribly intimidating to me but the fear of putting my children at risk is what holds me back. Another fear is we are in our upper 20's so a part of me is wary to bring in teen girls because I don't want my husband to be accused of anything. So thoughts? Anyone have positive teen stories?
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have you ever parented that age before? if not...i'd say don't do it until your kids are older. it is really easy to say that a set of problems is just normal teen behavior....but if you have never parented a teen before...even those "normal" behaviors may "get to you" more than you think they will. but positively...of course there are some awesome things about teens. i adopted kids who came to live with me at 8 and 9. they push my buttons everyday...and it must be their mission to drive me insane, but they have lots of neat things about them. :) one of them did hurt the other children in my home when the moved in. there were some scary moments and we are now past that.....but i would not do it again with younger kids in the house for sure. but that's just me. :)
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Teens are tough. Some are great. Some, not so much. Remember, nearly every child we get in foster care arrives with baggage--everything from grief to anger to RAD. Teens have had longer to live their lives and may have experiences with sex and drugs and alcohol that you would not likely see in a younger child.
The question becomes can you deal with this in your home? If you say yes, then go or it. If you think, hmmm, maybe my kids are too little right now, then wait. Waiting will give you the experience of parenting the average teen.
You may not like that animal once it takes up residence in your home!
But if you do, know that they're not going to quit making teenagers in foster care. Sad but true.
I'd also consider birth order. Doesn't seem like much until you upset it sometimes.
Either way, you are the only one who can decide. And we really, really need folks who are called to that age group. If it's you, then you'll do great.
Good luck in your decision!
Its tough. Sometimes. Other times, its fun.
I am in my mid twenties and am fostering a PREGNANT teenager.
Despite some of my posts, my FD is actually quite a good kid. She does have some issues because of her backround, but we are working on those and she is making great progress for the most part.
She listens to rules, can cook basic meals for dinner, usually does her requested chores and even takes care of the dogs while I am at work. She is allowed to be alone at home at my discretion.
My biggest caution is the boyfriend/sex thing. For S, Birth Control is too late, but that was my biggest fear going into fostering teens. Having to deal with the "typical" teen things such as negative peer pressure involving sex, drugs, alcohol and just unruly behavior. I would HIGHLY advise strong parental controls on the computer, and perhaps even keystroke recorder (spyware).
I think I got lucky. I actually get to have fun with S. We watch movies together, joke around and doing household chores together.
But I am always aware that I am the adult and the authority figure. S knows this too. It works well for us. I'm hoping it works out for her, but she has had almost 17 years of living in a world full of neglect, domestic violence and a lot of other negatives. I hope she can overcome it, and she won't continue the cycle with her daughter.
I have a teen and her 1 year old baby. So far, pretty good... but it has just been a week. The last foster mom is moving out of state, so could not continue to foster but says that the girl is polite, not at all sassy, but needs a lot of guidance. This is what we have found to be true as well. Just hoping this lasts beyond the honeymoon period.
Truth is, I never thought I would take a teen... but then again I also had a 6 year old (my ideal age) who cussed, spit, hit, and destroyed my house. It helps me keep these teenage behaviors in perspective!
I am, for sure, the authority figure, but in this case it is much more of a "mentoring" than a "parenting". Fingers crossed.
Good luck to you if you choose this path. It can be challenging (as is in any age range of foster) but highly rewarding too.
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I used the software from SpectorSoft. I used it to montor activity secretly for a while, and then told my FD about it when we'd built some trust. She understood that our machine was going to continue to be monitored and that I required passwords for her accounts for her to have permission to use it. After that I only checked very occasionally, usually when my gut told me something was up.
I used NetNanny also to set up times and permissions for different programs. If she lost internet priveleges, I could just lock down facebook, myspace, hotmail, msn chat etc... and she didn't have access.