I feel so empty....

hello there. i came across your post and my heart truely goes out to you. Im currently about to go trough what you just did and can not give you any advice because i havent given the birth yet, but i do want to let you know that if you just want someone to talk to or anythign like that that i can relate and its always nice to talk to someone who at least has some idea of how you feel that i am here. my thoughts and prayers go out to you.

(((alias22))) I am an aMom..so I am on the other side of adoption. We have a VERY open adoption with my kids birthmom and I know one thing she said that really helped was me sending her pictures, so I set up a website (dropshots) and posted pics like crazy for her. Also she came to visit almost ever week for a few weeks. Are you in an open adoption? I know you said seeing the pics helps a little...maybe you and ask his parents to set up a website for you so you can log on when ever you are having a hard time? Sorry I dont have much advice :(...

It's okay to feel empty. It's okay to grieve. ITS OKAY.My story was very similar. Boyfriend (and then hubby) and I discovered our birth control failed. We were young, unstable, living penny by penny. We decided adoption was the best avenue. Found wonderful families. I can't even begin to describe the lonliness and emptiness when they took the baby and I was left "alone." I was not allowed to grieve, for many reasons. Please, take this time to grieve. Allow yourself to feel that loss. Don't hold back. You suffered a loss. Just because it was the right thing to do and just because it was your choice does not make it any less of a loss.I don't check in here real often, but there are lots of people who completely understand.

Your post made me really cry. I am an adopted adult (39) and have just started to search for my birth mum. I know she gave me up because she couldnt care for me financially and emotionally (to use her quote "i know shes happy and thats the most important thing to me, i know i've done the best thing for her") she had a broken home life and didnt want that for me. Please dont keep beating yourself up, you did what you had to do. Maybe you could write him a letter that his adoptive parents could give him when he is old enough to understand. If you could write your feelings down, that may help you. I know i wish my bmum had wrote a letter that could have been given to me. good luck.

I am feeling the same way. I am sorry. My son was born on 10/7/10. I miss him more than I thought :/ Hang in there...we will get through this :)

I also am an adult adoptee, and as Velly said, maybe writing your feelings may help, my 1st mom sent me a lovely 1st Christmas card thru the agency, it was short and sweet, I wasn't given the card until I was about 14 but I cherish that card, it let me know that she still loves me, and I can only speak for myself when I say this, but maybe knowing that he has a letter from your heart may even help you

Thank you all for replying to my post, it has helped me reading your responses. I am going to write a letter to Colton explaining my reasons for choosing adoption and to let him know that I will always love him no matter what. I think that is my biggest fear is that he will grow up and think that I never loved him because that's not true at all. I love him with all my heart and I wish things in my life were different so that I could have him here with me. I am sad and jealous that I cannot comfort his cries, that I cant wipe the tears away, that I'm going to miss his first word and his first steps. But in all that, I know in my heart that the parents I picked for him will love him unconditionally and they would never let anything happen to him. When I met them the last day I was able to hold Colton in my arms, his new father told me that he would jump in front of a train for Colton and I know he meant that. Before they took him, they gave me a necklace with a heart pendant on it and told me that I was an angel for giving them the son they could never naturally have and they told me I would always be in thier hearts and prayers. Wearing the necklace helps me remember those words and the gratitude they have for what I have done for them. I still am crying almost every day but reading the kind words from everyone on here and writing my emotions has been helping me cope. Thank you everyone for all your help!

I had to share this song...we are making a DVD for our kids birthparents for Christmas..this song I really think is the perfect fit and thought I would share it with you :) [url=http://new.music.yahoo.com/hackensaw-boys/tracks/suns-work-undone--175347937]Sun's Work Undone | The Hackensaw Boys Song - Yahoo! Music[/url] What I want you to know, is how much I love you.

I place no one above you

You’re always in my prayers And on the day you were born

Something inside of me grew and,

Something inside of me knew that…

I had done the right thing. And you did what you did,

You had your own reasons, It was your season I believe it was your spring (Chorus) And the rain said it’d come Left the sun’s work undone The flowers were happy for the waiting And I knew in my heart

Baby someday we would part

For now, it’s worth all the changing. Broom Straw fields The mountain’s green and misty It was our history The songs that we were sung And it did not go The way that I prayed for The way that I stayed for ‘cause said I would And the rain said it’d come Left the sun’s work undone The flowers were happy for the changing And I knew in my heart Baby someday we would start For now, it’s worth all the waiting And the rain said it’d come Left the sun’s work undone The flowers are happy for the changing And I knew in my heart Baby someday we would part For now, it’s worth all the waiting For now, it’s worth all the waiting For now, it’s worth all the waiting

my daughter is a year and a half and i still miss her everyday. her father did not support me and did not want to talk to me after knowing that i had made an adoption plan. think about the fact that you did the best thing for your child and count yourself lucky to have a man who truly cares about what is best for you and your child.

I know your pain. I have a 31 year old son that I gave up for adoption when I was 16. I didn't have forums or any support back then. 18 months later I gave birth again at 17. The grief was there is does get managable. I had a closed adoption that's what they did back then. I had pictures of him and I did write him a letter. A few years ago I put my information on a website and some wonderful woman put us together. He was searching for me. He's very shy so we only have talked once by phone but do email and FB. That has been comforting and taken the wondering of where he is away. My heart does break for you. I would cry so heart I thought my heart would literally break. I know I had another baby right away to try and fill the grief. I kept that child and was married at 17 (husband was 16). That marriage ended badly. If I had gotten support for the original grief I may not have had my second child so soon. I encourage you to grieve, talk and get support. You had great reasons for your decision and you need to be around people that can support your choices. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I wish I could take that pain away from you because I truly understand how difficult it is.

I will tell you that by loving with all your heart and making the very best of your life you will not feel whole but you can make him proud. No matter what anyone ever says you will have pain, you will be sad, you will be scared. Remind yourself of why you made this choice and share him with your life, I have 5 children and I am only now in contact with 4 of them. They are proud of who I am, the life I made for myself and the fact that everyone in my life knows about them. They were never a dirty secret they have always been my children and they will always be. I have a great relationship with my four girls, my wonderful son-inlaw and perfect grandchild because when they came looking 1 by 1 as they turn 18 I was here and had not waisted my life. They love me and call me mom. Its amazing. I don't know what life will bring you but make him proud and love him always with that you can find peace.

I am so sorry that you are experiencing such pain. It has been 13 yrs (on December 6) that I said goodbye to my son and he left with his adoptive parents. I was a 34 y/o mother of a 9 yr old when I gave birth to my son. His birthfather and I made the decision to relinquish (I hate that word...it sounds so cold) due to circumstances that kept us from being able to marry and raise him ourselves. By the time he was born, his birthfather had moved almost 2000 miles away and I was completely alone except for a few close friends who stayed by my side and provided unconditional support. My family was 350 miles away and I chose not to tell them I was pregnant. Watching my baby leave the hospital with his new mommy and daddy was the most difficult thing I have ever done or will ever do. It was gut-wrenching to say the least. When I left the hospital without him, I felt like a part of me was missing. For the next few weeks I would feel such intense pain that I would scream at the top of my lungs and cry for my baby, longing to hold him and kiss him. The pain was raw and it was indescribable, especially to well-meaning and loving friends who had never experienced what I was experiencing. They didn't know what to do with me. I didn't know what to do with me. It felt like a nightmare that would never end. For the next couple of years, I thought about him obsessively. His adoptive parents sent pictures often and even arranged a meeting between us all when he was two as they were coming to my hometown to visit with relatives in the area. It was wonderful seeing him for the first time since he left my arms in the hospital two yrs before. Don't let anyone trivialize what you're feeling and trust me, they will. Even when you have regrets, and when (not if) you do, don't let anyone minimize your feelings by saying "you did the right thing" or "it was meant to be" and the oft-used "he's better off". As birthmothers we know in our hearts why we did what we did but that doesn't stop the pain, the regret, and the emptiness we feel when we think of the child we didn't get to raise but so desperately wanted to. Hang in there....the pain isn't quite as intense as the years go by but there will be moments of complete sadness that you will experience over the years no matter how much time goes by. Sometimes it sneaks up on you. Sometimes you willingly conjure it up and think yourself to be a masochist. But it's yours. Feel it, cherish it, and work through it. I will say a prayer for you, your son, and your family. Trust God with all your heart.

It has been over 30 years for me, and it still hurts in a way the rips me up with emptiness. I have other children, but it remains. You have a year before the adoption is final, something that I did not know. Look for financial resources, education/training, agencies that can help you to be in a better position. I was told "it was for the best", "she will have a better home", "you can't give her what she needs", and every other line but they were wrong. If you are hurting and want him, don't live for the next 30 years like I have being haunted with not knowing your son.

Hang in there. You will never stop missing him, but in time it will get a bit easier. I gave my daughter up 5 years ago and still cry for her once in a while. But in time you will heal and move on. It just takes time.

The first thing I want to tell you and promise you is that things get better. I know right now it seems like the end of the world, and you are beating yourself up for "giving him up for adoption" as society normally puts it. You fear your interaction with your 4 year old and honestly this is all normal, but you just have to try to hang on. I cannot lie - the grief never goes away but it lessens over time. It will go up and down and sporadically. I am a birthmom and my daughter is now 7. Her birthday was just on February 23 so February is a VERY difficult month for me because my younger sister placed her daughter for adoption a year before I did and her child was born in February as well not to mention my best friend had her daughter in February as well. I still grieve and am still finding ways to acknowledge the adoption instead of just shoving it aside and letting life take my mind off the situation. I have a few questions for you - how is your fiance handling this situation? Has he been any support? I want to let you know if you ever want to chat or need a friend who DOES understand, please email me at littleredrodeo2@aol.com My name is Katie