adult adoptees in UK

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Hi Velly/everyone Im from the UK (31) and only just started visiting this site recently. I don't want mean to hijack the thread with my story (ignore any of my waffling) but the 1 aspect I wanted to raise about the UK system is the splitting up of siblings in care. I guess i have expected, strong feelings on the subject as it happened to me but I just wondered if this was common and does it happen much in other countries? I don't want the following to read like a 'woe-me story' im very positive about my past and my life, well okay I just blank it all out as best I can and just move forward so lets just say I always try to look on the bright side of life! I'll try to keep it as short as possible, apologies for any bad spelling/grammer! B/mum emigrated on her own to the UK with her only son (half brother), she had a daughter here (my half sister but I hate to say 'half')and then some time later had me. After I was born my mum struggled (drink/gambling and lord knows what else) so me and my sister were put into foster care. We were there for nearly 6yrs before being shifted to another foster family. We were with that family for about 18 months when they decided they could no longer look after the both of us (my sister was 13, I had just turned 8). My sister got to stay with them and I got put in an orphanage (I got a family 2 yrs later). Now don't get me wrong, i've never shown anger/resentment about this but guess it's always been there buried deep down. My sister has never spoke about it, except once she mentioned it a few years back that she has never forgiven them (2nd foster family) for splitting us up, before I could blink she went quiet and she's never spoke about it since. Im fine with that, thats how we've always dealt with things.. Be tough, dont' show emotion (it's all we know) and we litterly never talk about the past. I think what still annoys me to this day is that no solution could be found to keep us together, I know it 'was how it was' and I wouldn't of wanted her to be in the orphange with me (I was just glad she got to stay with a family). Just our mum passed away (cancer) shortly after I left the orphange so it really left just me and my sister (she's never had contact with her dad either). Yet we only got to see each other 6-7 times a year until she was old enough to visit me on her own. I guess what im getting at is that we had enough on our plates to deal with as kids and to split us up (obviously SS didn't know our mum would pass away 2-3 yrs later) just felt like the final kick in the teeth. I wouldn't change my life for anything, the a/family and the friends I have in my life but like many other adoptees i've always struggled with feeling a part of the a-family, I get that little twinge of sadness/jelousy when I see other 'happy familes' (not that i'd ever show it) don't get me wrong, I live to see other people happy, I don't resent other peoples happines 1 bit, I just wish I could have had a bit of that 'familyness' (yeah I made that up, kinda hard to put into words).. Which leads me to wonder if some of this may have been helped if I had stayed with my sister? I know I can't change anything, im not looking to turn back the hands of time, I guess im just looking for answers as to why I feel the way I do sometimes. So feel free to comment, and I would love to hear from people who grew up with a b/sibling in an adopted family, what was your experience like? Did you keep to yourselves (as in never let the a-family into your 'inner circle?) Sorry i think i've broken a seal and it's all pouring out now! Just i've never really spoken to anyone about this before (im 'that' adoptee that took it all in his stride) and i've never known anyone else who was adopted/orphaned. Sorry for going on, just its the first time i've ever felt I could talk among people that might really undestand. Velly: Best of luck with your adoption file, I hope you find some gold at the end of the rainbow! Hooked up: Really sorry to hear they had passed away, I hope you find some of your birth family and I hope they have many great tales to tell you about your folks. I know nothing will ever bring them back but if you can find some comfort and answers through your b/relatives then I wish you all the luck in the world. SOGC: Your story moved me to tears, tears of happiness for you of course! And a bit of sadness that you had such a willing b/family.. 99% happiness for you.. 1% sadness for me ;) Pleeease, pleeease let us know how your getting on with your reunion (b/mum) I salute you for your courage in doing this (as I do with all adoptees that go searching). I only don't search because I know deep down on a level im scared of what i'll find, im pretty sure it's not good so just don't wanna 'go there'. Mole: I think i've always avoided getting on that rollercoaster,or perhaps a better way of putting it is that i've kept my eyes closed when im on it! If after reading my 'novel' you have any questions I'd be more than happy to answer them. I'd also like to hear your story if you'd care to share it, if you already have and would kindly send me the link I would be grateful. Sorry for writing a small novel! And thankyou to anyone who took the time to read it, and to those that have posted their own stories, in a sureal way they make me feel a little less lonely. :thanks:

Hi, im in kent not far from london just on the road to finding my bmum and bfamily. Got my birth certificate and i was born in london in hammersmith hospital

Sorry to intrude on your thread but I didn't know there are a few British adoptees here - I'm British as well, living in Co. Durham but originally from Essex - and I'm a first mum. I belong to other forums as well as being here.

I dont know if there are many of us on here british that is, but the response i have had with lots of support. I first started my search for my bmum 13 years ago, but had to stop as my first son was diagosed with autism so that was hard in the beginning. Then later my youngest son was also diagnosed with autism so i had my work cut out(lol). My middle son is ok, so one out of 3 isnt bad(sorry for the joke just my way of coping). Now the kids have grown up i feel ready agaim to start my journey of discovery, it would b lovely to find out my medical history because of the autism, but any information would b good.congratulations on being a first time mum i know its so exciting. If u want you can private message me pam

Sorry I didn't make myself clear :D - I don't feel comfortable with the term birth mum so use first mum as I was my son's first mum. It's hard to come up with a term that everybody is comfortable with. Sadly I didn't have any more children. At least I got to know my son before we fell out.

ok i know what u mean now sorry got wrong end of stick. But for me im sorry it has to be bmum its what i feel comfortable with, at this time. Im glad you had sometime with your son and maybe one day he will get back in touch.

I'm another UK adoptee, could you pm the site addy too please.

I am from uk, i was adopted as a baby in to lovely family. As i got older i was driven by finding my out my birth history, my Aparents never wanting to talk about my odoption they just went silent, so it was go it alone. But then life took over so i never got round to it, i got married and had my kids, then the yeaning came back so strong, but i was now living and working in germany, After coming back to the uk 15 years ago, it was my time to find out at last, so i went to the adoption society in London and got some information, but there wasnt alot, nothing to go on. Now fast forward 13 years and ive just got my oringinal birth certificate, that was a shock i can tell you. I am now on my journey to find out not only my bhistory but my bmedical history as well, Let me fill you my missing years, well i lived and worked in germany which was lovely, also had my kids there to. Later my kids were diagnosed with autism so its been hard going and ive had to put finding my bfamily on hold for some time, but now its time for me to try and find out were i come from pam

Could you pm me please with the other sites for us uk ers thank you

Have you tried searching for UK Adoptees on FB?

Hi There, It was nice to actually about other adoptees for a change and how they deal with it on a daily basis My name is Daniel Hayes, Born 30/03/1991 in a Hospital in Southend On Sea as far as I am aware. I was adopted quite quick after birth if that is any help. My birth surname was Jones (I believe) but was changed to Hayes by my adopted family. Is there anything else I can add? Please do not hesitate to contact me if you maybe think something, anything Etc ***do not want contact from parents*** I will block anyone I suspect. (Not to be rude guys) MX409@hotmail.co.uk Thank you!

Hi Quiet,I am an adoptee born in the Caribbean, from an English father and an American mother. In recent years I found my first (birth) family. My parents had passed away, but I have 4 half-siblings on my mother's side and 3 on my father's side. I am in contact with most of them, met three of them in person. Visited UK for the first time in 2019 and it feels so good to be in contact with my family and my roots. I found this forum as I decided to make contact with adoptees from UK, where part of my first (birth) family lives.It's been some time since you wrote in this forum. I'm so glad that you were able to talk about your story for the first time. All the emotions and feelings you expressed are completely normal for people like us, who went through a huge loss. To lose our families of origin is a huge loss, even if we were adopted by loving and caring adoptive parents. We should be let grieve this loss, and process this loss. So please, don't apologize for how you feel, dear Quiet. I guess many of us missed the "familiness" you talk about, even when we were loved by our adoptive parents.I hope you have found answers to your questions, which are valid ones.Charisse(born as Mary Law)

Hi Quiet,I am an adoptee born in the Caribbean from an English father and an American mother. I found my first (birth) family and am in contact with several half siblings. In 2019 went to UK for the first time to visit my half sister and her family. I'm so happy to be in touch with my family and my roots.I found this forum because I wish to know adoptees from UK. I am in contact with several adoptees groups through Facebook, particularly psychologist Joe Soll from US.It's been some time since you wrote in this forum. I'm so glad that you were able to talk about your story. Your emotions and feelings are completely normal, you don't need to apologize. We adoptees go through a huge loss when we lose our first families, even if we have loving and caring adoptive parents. We go through a grieving process, which should be respected.I hope you have found answers to your questions, which are valid ones.Charisse(Born as Mary Law)

DOCTOR SAYS I AM GOING TO HAVE FOUR KIDS AT A BLOWIn tears writing this.I am a homeless single mom living in a 90-day emergency shelter and my 90 days is up in a few days from now,Iam disabled and cannot work. I received a little over 700 in disability income, but that is not enough to pay for rent and basic needs.I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at age 3 and I have lived a tough life.I have been in the homeless shelter system in multiple states, trying to find support.please do not mock me on this but i am pregnant again .please my Ultrasound is showing 4 kids and the man is no where to be found , I can still manage 1 more but four is tooo much,considering the conditions we are living in.I have come to a conclusion to adopt 3 out because I really cant.please advise Thanks