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I am a single mother to two amazing, wonderful boys who have come to have different but intensive high needs. The older one has started kindergarten and his teacher has recommended homeschooling or pulling him out this year due to immaturity. Academically he is at the top of his class. He does cry, revert to baby talk, cant sit still and is very me centered. He loves to be the center of attention it doesn't matter if it is positive or negative. the younger one has just turned 3, he had been born early due to mom's overdose. When I got him he was only 7 months and "healthy". He has been receiving speech therapy, he has a pancreatic deficiency for which he drinks tube feedings and receives 4-6 resp tx daily, he is also allergic to milk, soy and some other foods. He is on $1700 worth of meds monthly. Thankfully we do have the access card for them. We recently found out his pancreas is failing, he is anemic and possibly leukemic. We now have meetings scheduled with a heme oncologist and will follow up with a second opinion. I have a decent paying job at a place i hate but is close to home. I used to be able to schedule myself but now I am subjected to the whims of another. I work nights so that my kids have me during day time hours but this new schedule is on one off one which leaves me tired, crazy and totally exhausted. Add to it that I do not have a significant other or any family at all, plus I am going to school so that i can get a better job (both hour wise and pay, class is once a week). It is not uncommon that when I work two or three days in a row that I will be awake more days than I have hours of sleep. But the on one off one will allow me no sleep or sense of when to sleep. I can't afford more child care because I am already paying someone to watch them while i work and there is just no more budge in our budget. I am finding myself constantly yelling at the kids, tired, my house is a mess and I really hate my job. I know there is respite care for a brief period but I don't think that at this stage a "normal" person could handle the tube feeds, resp tx, allergies, and my older one's emotional needs not to mention missing school. I stress shop as a relaxation method (limted to $25 week or 100 a month) its usually something for the kids but occasionally its for me but its usually something I can never wear (like a really pretty party dress). Has anyone been in this situation? Any suggestions? They are great kids and I love them dearly but if I hear another person say "isn't it lucky that they got you as a mom (because of my medical background)" or "god only gives you as much as you can handle" I think I just might lose it and tell them what I really think.
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I suppose you are on the constant lookout for a job that is on a consistent shift.... flip flopping shifts like that really tears your body up fast. I did a few nights on, few nights off for several years as a single mom and it was hard-- I can't imagine one night on one night off-that sounds like a killer. Just getting that straight will probably make a world of difference, especially since you hate the job in addition to having crazy hours. That's where you have to start. Far easier said than done I know. I'll add you and your boys to my prayers.
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I wanted to say that as a single mom of 3 I can relate to feeling overwhelmed. My kids do not have the issues yours do, and my job is less crazy, but I still feel it can be too much sometimes. I can not comment on all the things going on for you, but I can speak to the education piece for your older child. If your child is old enough, he can be in school. It should not be that a teacher says take him home. I am guessing since he is academically ready, that the emotional stuff will not magically disappear by next year. I did keep my son home a year and was happy I did, but I had a good childcare option. If I had to send him he would have been ok. I know of a school near me that suggested a very bright girl should wait a year because she was a bit behind in some physical and speech skills. She was super bright and capable and I could not believe the school recommended that based on a quick screening.! If your child is in school now, I would keep him there unless you have other options. I would verify with the principal that you feel he should be supported by his teacher. To say this child should not be in school would never happen here. I have said to other teachers that I thought a child should be home, but would not tell the parent that unless I knew there was a great situation at home for the child to be in for that year...such as a stay at home mom who could work with the child. See what supports are available at that school. Ask if there is a social worker or psychologist who could see the child. If you have things that work at home like a sticker chart or reward system, suggest these as possible strategies for the teacher. If there are reasons that the child acts this way that could be planned for the teacher can develop a plan. So if Tommy gets wild every time the class lines up for specials, she needs a plan for that. Just remember that your child has a right to his education. One other thing... If you do not have your younger son in a special program, see if he is eligible. If he qualifies for speech already, at least see if he qualifies for any other supports. That does not take away from your need to parent, but at least knowing he has all the supports he can get will help him be more stable. You could also see if there are any respite providers in your area that are familiar with medical issues. You might get lucky there... Or would it be possible that the person who cares for them while you work could do it?I am sorry I don't have many answers, but I can say you are trying to do the best for your kids and it can be hard to figure out how to do that sometimes without losing yourself. Try to get a few minutes for just you. A nice lunch or a 15 minute break with a good book sometimes helps me get through a day when I feel I am being pulled a million directions. I try to do some simple things with my kids to connect positively when we have had a bad week. Make brownies together or take a walk around the neighborhood. It helps us have some positive moments when I can stop being the mean mom for a few minutes:)
I am working on finding another position I have not liked where I was working since I started but the perk was that it is easy, close to home and I self scheduled. Now it's a different story. I am actually having surgery (a minor bunionectomy) just so that I can get the time off from work to get my family and house back in order. The bunion is something that has been bothering for quite some time and now is as good as any (and probably better than others) to get it done with the side benefit of being able to be home with them as we undergo this rough period. I am terrified of surgery -I only had it once before and actually coded during it, but i am doing this with a surgeon who has agreed to my terms and is aware of my allergies and potential reaction. The fact that I am scared to death but am willing to take this step to ultimately help my family shows me how desperate I have become. I just needed to vent and while i do have some good friends I just can't tell them all that I am going through right now. I love my kids, they are amazing I don't regret the decision I made to adopt them, but right now we are going through some rough things and I don't feel that I am being the best possible mom to them. Thanks for the suggestions and advice, if you think of anything else please let me know. I just ordered the Joy Berry help me be good series for my older one to go over behaviours in social situations. Thanks again
I'm not sure which county you are in. Have you looked at respite care? Pressley Ridge has a program here in Lancaster called Deb's House. It offers Family Safe respite care for children under the age of 6 for up to 5 days at a time. It is open to all who need it - foster families, adoptive families, biological families. Maybe your county has a similar program.
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