Time off between placements?

It's ok to take time off. You need time to recharge and feel grounded again. We had intended to take a month or so off, but two weeks into that vacation, we got a call about our now little girl. She came to us at 18 months old and we adopted her later in the year. We said yes, because our CW really knew us as a family and though this child would be best with us. So glad we said yes then! One of my kids is moving soon( within 2 weeks) and we might be keeping the baby brother. I will not replace the one that is going. I have 3 under 3 yrs old, and it's just too much for us. We also have an 11 yr old, and we will all be sad when she goes. Sometimes a placement just causes you to need extra time to get well, so take whatever time you need. It doesn't matter how long that is.

We moved, so that has played a big role in how long we've waited. Getting relicensed has taken most of our time. Our placement was with us for 19 mos. and it has been 6 months without them. I was ready after 3, but am glad it has taken this long to get things ready, because while I was ready, I had a lot of emotions to still sort through.

We had our first placement for 16 mo and it was a very difficult placement of 2 young boys. We took 5 weeks' break.The second placement was difficult in other ways... it was a placement of 3 kids and they were with us for 21 months. When they left, we took 2 1/2 months break. But we provided respite for several kids in the meantime.Now we have 2 separate placements of 4 kids total. It seems like it goes from tough to tougher! LOL Actually, we were ready to take on all these children this time... the break was more than long enough for us.I think it varies from family to family and from placement to placement. I know a foster family who fostered 2 girls for 5 years. After they left, this family took about 2 years' break.It's personal and no one should guilt you into taking on more than you know you can handle. If you need an indefinite break... take it.

Our first placement left about a month ago. At the time they left we decided to take a few months off but after a couple weeks I started thinking about taking another placement and now I can't wait for the phone to ring. So I guess you never really know how long it will take for you to be ready again.

I say take your time. We just had our last day with our sweet baby R yesterday. We had worked on our transition the last two weeks and it's been heartbreaking. We had him from 11 days old to almost 4 months old. We accepted a placement during the transition hoping the distraction of a new little bundle would help. It has not. I'm really struggling to bond with this new guy and am feeling it's not fair to him. In our defense, when they called about him, it was only to be for a few days, now it's looking a lot longer and I'm feeling overwhelmed. We're still kind of new at this, but I wish we would have taken some time off, even if it made the transition time more difficult.

Our first placement was with us for 2 weeks. The same day he left I requested that our status be updated to say "open." One week later, we got a half-sibling set. We've had them now for 2 months, one RU with her dad. The other one will be leaving soon too. We haven't figured out how much time off we will need yet. Some of our decision is that hubs is a stay-at-home-dad. Gets a little lonely with no kids in the house (no kids otherwise). He can stand the honey-do list only so much. We've thought about doing respite if we didn't want a true placement at the time. We've been full since certification so we haven't been able to make that decision yet.

After my first it took a few months before a good match came along. I let my license drop after my second placement (I lost my job due the time off during that placement.) While my license was still being completed, LG was placed. When LG returned home, it was 2 weeks. before my fourth placement. After the fourth placement, I wanted to consider only legally free placements so it was about three months. Then LG came back....and ironically my homestudy was selected for a waiting child the next day. I've had to put that on hold.

Well, today was the first time I called back about a potential placement. I wasn't sure Dh was up for it, nor if I was. However, I wanted more info before I made a decision. The fact that I didn't automatically say "no" in my head surprised me. Guess we are cautiouslly looking at taking another placement. It all looked good, even DH didn't nix the idea ... until it came to transportation. It looked like visits with parents (different days for different lenghts) was going to be covered and just therapy needed transport. Okay, I think that could have been swung by me doing grocery shopping during that time once a week, and not just sitting in the waiting room for an hour. Turns out though, that we live too far away and it would be a financial burden on dad to pick up. I understand, really I do. The worker pointed out that we get reimbursed, etc, etc, but the parents don't. I clarified that it wasn't the financial aspect, but the time it would take. It would be 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back each time. Visits with mom were 2 hours, visits with dad 4 (on a weekend), and therapy 1. So at a minimum that was 10 hours a week going to or just hanging out in a town we don't live in. I know we, as foster parents, are supposed to transport. I get that. But should it really be equivalent to a part time job? Besides, we don't get reimbursed for the time we just sit there and I doubt they would be happy if I came home then went back instead of just sitting around. I don't think I want to drive that much anyway. Guess in the end things work out. I am having outpatient surgery at the end of the month, so have doctor appointments in regards to that about once a week, up in the same town as the visits and therapy but during the school day, and then have a few days of recovering afterwards. (Didn't share that with the agency though. Just that we couldn't commit so much time to transporting.) Since it is more on me about that, DH left it up to me whether I thought I could handle it. That would have been a lot of driving. Perhaps the next call will work out better and it will probably come after the surgery, so things will be a bit duller around here. :) I mentioned to the worker about how the last placement took so much out of us. Especially the lying. I understand that they are testing you to see if you really will stick around, but a bit more compassion from the CW would have helped instead of the "it's typical teen bahavior" line every time I said something. The worker today is older, a grandmother rather than a "currently pregnant with their first child" adult, has worked in children's homes etc. I really wished I would have called her and vented some or asked for advice this time last year. She brought up some good points about it perhaps being a way to keep something to themselves when everything else about them is known. That was something hadn't thought of before. I also know the classes were supposed to prepare you for that, but they don't. They can tell you about it, but what really can prepare you fo it? Okay, well, I need to go be productive. Just wanted to update a bit.

this post was timely for me b/c we are working on transitioning now. We have been transitioning fs back to his Biomom for over a month now! (as in over a month of overnight visits- I am finding it fairly excessive). We still don't have a date for when he will be fully back with mom, but I am hoping for his sake that it will be sometime this week- the going back and forth is really hard on him (ie our formerly good sleeper now can't settle at night and routinely wakes up screaming among other things). Anyway we have been trying to figure out how much time to take off- we think we will go on a nice vacation- a couple of weeks, and then be ready to go back on the list when we get back. The number of kids in care in our area has been dropping so we don't necessarily expect to be placed quickly, but we might be surprised. We will really really miss this little one, so we might find we need more time off than I am thinking we will. The amount of time visits take, and how much that effects your family life, is probably an aspect of fostering that I did not fully appreciate until I did it. In the future I definitely would refuse a placement that had 4 hr vists every weekend-- its one thing to deal with that as you are getting close to reunification, or to accomodate holidays. But to have 1 day of every single weekend tied up with visits is really hard.

Thanks so much for reaffirming me on that decision. I was more worried about how she would fit in here than timing of visits. I'm glad DH brought up the transporting thing and that I didn't give in to the agency on that. It would be nice to have that long of a break every weekend, but it would also have meant that we could not have gone to see our family during that time. And that is something that is very important for me/us.