Reading between the Lines....

"Needs a great deal of structure" Can mean lots of things. Cannot self regulate(common in fetal alcohol as well as ADD), Can mean oppositional. Can mean highly impulsive and often means causes a lot of trouble and needs to be watched 24/7. All my ragers needed structure. "youngest or only child" Often means there is reason this child is unsafe around other kids. (Not always, but very often) "Likes to please adults" Not so much in kids under 5 but older ones, this can indicate a need to control as well as an inability to get along with peers. Can also indicate the child will go with any adult and has no attachments to them.

This is a GREAT thread, and I hope to hear a lot more, both good and not as good... as DH and I are biting the bullet and embarking on older child adoption. Here is what I found from the book "Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child" by Trish Maskew: 1. "This very active child..." (This kid bounces off the walls. Think ADHD) 2. "Will need help to work out issues of his past.." (This child has serious emotional difficulties from past experiences.) 3. "Loves to be the center of attention..." (This child will have difficulty sharing you with siblings. OR This child is so wounded he may not be able to let you out of his sight.) 4. "Should be the only or youngest child in the home..." (She may hurt younger children. OR This child has attachment difficulties.) 5. "Needes a strong, consistent, two-parent family." (It will take two of you to hold him down!) 6. "Has come far since entering placement." (Not far enough!) The book cites the good things found in profiles as well: "This child is a leader." "Gets along well with peers and adults alike." "Bright and inquisitive." "Enjoys playing with his friends and frequently wins." "Is anxious to have a family of his own."

We adopted internationally, so I am not as familiar with foster care profiles. However, the director of the children's home where our children were living described our then 6 year old son as "playful," which I thought nothing of until I met him. Playful apparently meant he liked to pester people and do everything possible to get under their skin. He's learning much better ways to seek attention and still has a good sense of humor, but "playful" definitely didn't mean what I thought it did. He didn't even know how to "play" at all for the first few months home. It is so hard to decipher whether descriptives are genuine or masking something.

"Is working on asking before taking things that are not hers" STEALS LIKE CRAZY! "Needs constant supervision" Will burn your house down, destroy things, hurt your dog, etc. "Very energetic" bounces off walls! "Needs a parent who understands and accepts her the way she is" is not likely to heal or attach

yeah....i second all the ones above. when i read a profile...i think a lot about the real estate term "pool sized lot." there is no pool there. but it invites a vision of something much more awesome than the reality of the situation- a plain backyard that probably needs lots of work....but they are hoping the description will hook you in, you'll check the house out, and fall in love despite the fact that backyard IS big....but no where near actually having a pool. lol. i read a lot of profiles where i feel like they are also using words that invoke emotions that paint a picture that probably don't match up to reality. i hate it. i think it is deceitful. at the same time....dh and i have joked about what our kiddos' profiles would be. lol. even our "easier" kids' profiles would probably have been kids we turned down if we read the write up first. ;) good thing they didn't have one...i would have missed out!

Its hard because of course a lot of children without emotional problems could be described by 'sociable and very active', but I tend to look out if the profile says "Very charming" or "Never meets a stranger", or emphasises a certain thing like 'active' several times. 'Normal' children do meet strangers!Also if they have a ton of different favourite activities, its worth thinking about, do they have good concentration or do they have very little concentration and flit from one activity to the next to the next, and seem to like them equally? I have thought about my own kids reports -the long version, not a short public profile, since none of them were profiled publically. I think what was there was pretty acurate, even with the glossing, but especially with Gem's, there was quite a bit left out!

thanks for this thread! I'm never sure what I'm reading on so many of the profiles... It gets REALLY confusing when the kid's levels don't match the descriptions at all. Anyways, thanks for some deciphering tips. :D