New to this and have a hearing coming up - advice please!

Hey Jase, based on your description your case can go in many ways. The fact that the aunt is now a late arrival but has not fulfilled the court requirements is a possible favorable out come for you.Some judges like to hear from all parties involved in the court proceedings, others rely only on court officers, (attorneys, SW) etc. and they present the facts of the case.I would make sure that your CW or SW is fully aware of your intentions to adopt. Also, I would be prepared to answer any questions the judge may pose should he allow you to speak.If you address the court, state plainly, and simply, in as few words as possible EXACTLY what you want the court to do.In other words, "Your Honor, we have been associated with this girl for ??? and we wish to adopt her." If there are any questions from him, he will ask.Try not to be too disappointed if the case drags on. The court is required to review all possibilities before a final decision is made. There is always the possibility that a decision in your favor could happen.I wish you the best.

Thanks for answering. The judge ordered the aunt 30 days to get all of the paperwork in. My curosity is what paperwork? If she has had the child for 2 years and have yet to commit, what other paperwork is left? Would she not have already had a case study done? I am confused and wonder if she is playing the system?? The problem lies in the fact that we have never met this child and yet know feel completely responsible for her. The aunt stepped forward one day prior to our first scheduled visitation. We are brand new to the system and have no idea what we are in store for (we were just licensed 2 months ago). I am looking for input as to what the heck is going on (our case worker is ducking our calls but has told us that she does not want us making any inqueries on other children until after the 7th - the 30 day limit). Any input ? Thank you!

Know your post wasn't recently, but just saw it. To understand what's up with the aunt, how about asking, "Why might she not file sooner?" IOW, "What are the pros and cons of adopting for her?" The first thing that occurs to me: Does she have some type of state subsidy that she would lose if she adopts? If so, then my next questions occur on top of each other:Is it a good home? Is this a good place for the child to live?Is this a case of the CS (case worker) is hacked off at the aunt, and wants to force her to make a legal commitment? Is the state wanting to stop paying support for this child? Does the state want the one-time adoption "bonus" (minimum $4,000) from the federal government, separately or in addition to stopping foster care payments? Does the state want to reduce numbers in foster care for some report? IOW, what's happening to upset the status quo here?I think the questions about the child are most important. Let's pretend the aunt is our own sister while we ask these questions. Does the aunt love the child? Does the child love the aunt? Do they both feel that special wonderful calm loving bond just to be near each other? Does the aunt feel privileged to have this child in her life and home? Does the aunt feel like she'd go crazy if she lost this child? (Like most of our relatives/friends would.)Irrespective of whether the aunt can afford trips to Disneyland for the child (I can't, most of my friends can't), does she provide reasonably well for this child? Putting the child's needs first?What I personally (not that anyone asked) think is nuts about this foster care merry-go-round, is that we usually don't know any of the answers to the above questions. So we have no other choice than to make up scenarios in our heads, and often we think of negative ones.Maybe the aunt is just a space-case with paperwork. I am much more these days than I used to be, so I'm much less judgmental about it.Does any of this make sense?

Alys1 - thank you for your quick response. Actually this is all happening right now. I am all about the family sticking together and if this is the best place for the child - wonderful - but then let us (our family) move on to one of the million other kids waiting. I am not trying to play God. I just would like to know, should I be getting a room ready for her so it is not done at the last minute. I want to know if we are "pawns" in this game and how to avoid being one in the future. I am not sure what you meant by Disneyworld - we couldn't afford to take her either - well not yet, someday soon. We actually, are saving up for a family vacation there in the next few years , no matter how big our unit is at that time. I, just like everyone else, feel lost, confused and right now used. I worry about the child because she is either in a bad place or being used by the state. I don't like either of those thoughts. Anyones insight is very vaulable to me because as you can see, I am need of a "foster care system for dummies" book. Thank you again for replying and any other thoughts you have are much appreciated. Thank you!!!

Hm, it's almost as though I'm being invited to say what I really think. In many places in life that doesn't work. But since you asked. Are we pawns in this game? I think so: everyone -- you, the child, etc. If you figure out how to avoid that, please let me know. BTDT. Does this system make any sense? (I know, you didn't ask.) None that I've noticed in 5 years involvement and volunteering before that. I know a couple who had a FC four years, her ages 4-8, were told adoption was finally started, only to have her removed and placed in a not-so-great-parents situation. Do lots of FPs feel used when things like that happen? Yes, how else is there to see it? The child of course was a wreck. May still be. If I had a way to fix it all at once, it would've happened years ago. The seemingly-senseless dysfunction of it all bothers me immensely.AFA the room, only you know if fixing it up will be good for you at this time or not. My friend who's worked with abused children for decades suggests the room be reasonably simple in the beginning. Because the move is traumatic enough, the child doesn't need tons more stimulation. As time goes by, you can fill it with things she likes and chooses, things that have meaning to you both/all. If she moves from a situation of 2 years, that's going to be such a huge (traumatic) thing for her. Have you been reading about parenting through grief, likely responses to such a huge change (like regression) etc?

Hi, I am revisting this post as I have been at a stand still. Alys1 - I really appreciate all of your input. I like a person who speaks frank because I really hate reading between the lines.:cool: Yes, I understand the impact that the move will make, I have friends that have been in the same situation and have seen first hand. I already have an attachment therapist set up as well as family therapy. I recently received an email from A's caseworker informing me that (quote), "the relative has till Feb. 1st to complete ALL of the paperwork. So far, I have received NONE of the paperwork." :confused: Now, I am very confused! I had figured that she had all of the paperwork in and I would be returning her casefile. It is Jan 21st. Should I expect that she can still get the paperwork in? I want to be able to move on and look at other possible matches (we are attending a party next weekend) but feel that instead I am emotionally commiting myself to this child. I am not sure if this makes any sense to anyone. Also, because she will be sharing a room with my bio daughter, I wonder if I should put up the bunk bed. I have been afraid to do so because of the fear of getting my kids excited. :arrow: My next question is if I should still expect a transition period to be granted or should I expect immedient placement? What I really want to do is call the relative up and say -"hey get in gear and fill out those forms and commit to the little girl". I really want what is best for her and I can't wrap my head around why she is reluctant to do so. :mad: Thanks for listening and being there. Any input, suggestions, thoughts and prayers are welcomed.

I figured that I would be done with all of this by now!:mad: I really appreciate Alys1 and her help. I have puposly avoided coming back here for a while because I needed to focus on my current family and was hoping to let it "ride". Well, the paperwork was suppose to be in on the 1st. On the 28th the aunt insured her caseworker that all of the paperwork would be turned in but had yet to do so. We had a snow day (blizzard) yesterday and today no one returned my calls or emails. :confused: Why can't some one just give me a status check. We went to a match party on Saturday and felt a connection with another child. We have found out that the child had inquired about our family and her caseworker is reviewing our file. I would like to move on but feel stuck. Has anyone else been thru anything like this? What do you think is going on? Do you think that we are simply being ignored because we don't matter anymore (rude!) or do you think that there may be something going on. I am not exactly expecting an answer but it feels good to let it out! I am starting to feel bitter about the whole system and I don't want to do that!:eek: Thanks for listening!

I hope things are going to work out for you.I can definitely understand how you might feel stuck or at a stand still. I'm just starting off in all this and I am trying to prepare myself for this kind of thing. My hope is that if I plan on things being frustrating maybe I won't get frustrated. Lol.

Brooke - Yeah its rough!I know in the end this will be all worth it but man this is as rough as my stuggles with having biological children! We are STILL waiting for the caseworkers to decide their next move. The aunt is trying to keep the court "happy" by turning in a piece of paperworker or to try and drawn out the process - I have no idea... In fact I don't get it at all! Why not just get the stuff done and commit to this little girl? Well only God knows for sure so here I sit in the dark .....:confused:

I'm only now finding this thread for some reason. I'm so sorry you're stuck. it truly sounds like you are a pawn. To me, from the outside, it sounds like CW is trying to strong arm the aunt into finalizing. It could be that the aunt is "using" the system as some have suggested. or it could be that the CW just wants to shed another case.. or about a million things in between. It may be that they need the foster subsidy in order to support the child and have not been made aware of the kinship subsidies available. they MAY be panicking and trying desperately to kep their family together, but coming up short on solutions. It does sound like they "matched" you to add pressure to the aunt. its unfortunate in that they are not only making you and your Dh wait, but 2 kids, as well. The finalization paperwork can be tricky. You need it notarized (thats not the tricky part). If anything on the paperwork is incorrect, they reject it and you start over. In our case, the AW mispelled our street. I alerted him, asked if i could change it. he said "no" and had to redo the paperwork, get it reapproved by his manager, and resend it (had to be snail mail). we had to redo the notary. As frustrating as this is, DCF seems to work at a snail's pace. The feelings of adoptive homes are never considered. Same goes for the feelings of relatives. Hang in there

wcurry - Hi! I have been following some of your posts as I am lurking on the kinship areas trying to see "over the wall" on the otherside. When we were first matched with A, the judge had ordered recruitment 9 months ago. (I have a copy of it in the casefile - we have already had full disclosure and in our state they give us a copy of the file -huge!). The aunt had been asked on several occasions about adoption and she would not give an answer. This is the third aunt that this child is residing with (they had transferred her to Texas and sent her back).I have copies of all of this too. When the aunt went before the judge to stop our visitation, she claimed that she now "for sure" wants to adopt. The judge told her she had 30 days to complete the required paperwork - that was on December 9th. The official date was Feb. 1st deadline. She only turned in one thing (not sure what). I don't like to think poorly of anyone. However, like you, if it were any of my nieces, I would be doing everything possible to make sure that paperwork was done and surely not wait over 2 yrs to play around with it. I am pretty sure that she knows about the assistance that she is able to receive. When we did full disclosure, the foster care worker was there along side the adoption case worker. The state really pushes for relatives to be first choice (which I respect) and gives them all sorts of incentives and options. I really hope that we were not just a pawn. She is still listed on MARE (which is required by law until adoption is finalized). I guess the reason I am now babbling because your post scared me! I would like to think that we were matched due to our experience with the issues that A faces. We are experienced with ADHD, transracial parenting (our son) and developmental and physical delays (premature daughter). Now, I don't know what to think and am on the verge of having a meltdown myself!!:(

I'm sorry I added to your stress, Jas. You sound like an amazing home for a lucky child. And it does sound like you received the bulk of the paperwork, which is rare - and great. I think what bothered me about how DCF treated you, was how little they've moved. Ok, granted.. nothing they do is ever swift :p But HAD they made up their mind to move the child after the deadline passed, its within their power to do so. So, either they have an extra level of bureaucracy, need a court order in that jurisidiction, are afraid of a lawsuit, OR they never intended to move the kid. As you've no doubt seen in the foster family subforums, FFs are given extra rights once a child has been in their care for more then a year or two. Even when immediate family comes forward after a child's been in a home for 2 years, its an uphill battle In your case, the home has had the child for 2 years AND is a relative. I believe DCF knows they'd lose this battle in court. I suspect their hesitency is due to this concern. If they know they will have a difficult time moving the child (to say the least), it was extremely unfair and cruel of them to subject your family to the mess Maybe the aunt will give up voluntarily. Good luck