What did you write in your introduction letter?

I have never done this before, sorry.My best advice for you is to keep an open mind. One thing I am sure she would love is to know how much you look like her. A current picture might be appropriate.

Howie, something i remember reading on here, in a different forum is not to put "too much" in the first letter. It is ok to send a family photo (if you are married with children, for example) or just a casual photo of yourself if you choose. I myself have not written a letter... yet. I am working up to that. I do not have my biomom's address; i have her mother's address however and we have spoken on the phone. So i may write her a letter, with a letter to my biomom included. I think it is important to remember that you may be taking her completely by surprise: not of your existence, of course, but that the very words she is reading are from you, her child. It is hard to tell you what to write, but I would keep it simple, but don't be afraid to speak from your heart a little, too, while recognizing her side of this, too. Be strong, have faith.. the words will come to you. Don't be surprised if you write a couple/few drafts before you are satisfied with what you have written. Keep me posted. :-):woohoo:

Two days ago I received the first in what I hope is many letters from the daughter I placed for adoption 25 years ago. I was so afraid when I got the call from the agency, but her letter assured me and ultimately changed my heart about meeting. She was very supportive and grateful for the decision I had made and repeated the sentiment a couple of times in the letter. She told me how music had been a major role in her life (she sings operatic soprano!), and told me of her major life accomplishments. She also relayed the story of how her amother gave her, on her 18th birthday, the letter I had written on the day she was born and how much it had meant to her. She told me how she had looked at women throughout her life and wondered if it was me. What was important for me to hear was the support she had from her mom and boyfriend to search for me. (It's important to me that she has a support system in place, because no matter how happy we may be about finding each other, this is a major life event!) She explained why she wanted to meet me (does she get her clumsiness from me, her voice, etc.). I think the part I liked most was her list at the end. She listed a bunch of things that she likes (books, good wine, the color red, scary movies...) and I found myself laughing at the number of things we have in common! She ended the list with another affirmation of her love for me, for giving her life, and an invitation to contact her. She also included a photo. Hope this helps. My advice is to be honest, kind, and reassuring. You don't need to go into great detail about your life, hopefully you will have the opportunity to do that in the future. Let her know that you would love to have contact; that you understand, accept, and respect the decision she made; and let her know what kind of person you grew to become. I wish you the best!

Maryland DHS has located her and sent a generic letter to her asking if she'd like contact or something. My contact at Maryland DHS says I my intro letter shouldn't contain too much about me (wtf? "Hello, I have a name and live on Earth, nice to meet you").... so I'm very confused. Why write an intro letter at all if it's not supposed to say anything about me? DHS rep said to not even include my name, but what the hell am I supposed to write if not m name and what I've been doing for the past 33 years?So now I have a basic introductory letter that sounds very robotic and is very short -- 5 paragraphs. I tell her that my adoptive parents are great, my life is going extremely well, and that I'd sell her my cat given the chance (this is true of any letter I write, however).

I know what you are going through. I found my bio family and unfortunately my mom has passed away in 1999. I have been able to meet 3 of my 8 cousins. I have 2 brothers or half brothers because I don't know who my father is. I wrote to one of the brothers and got no response. When I talked to one of my cousins she said that he was in a state of shock and couldn't believe that his mother would ever have done anything like that. His wife wants him to meet me but I don't know if that will ever happen. I am trying to compose another letter and am finding it difficult. I think maybe I did put too much in the first one. I gave him my name and the name that my birth mom gave me, since she kept me for 3 months before giving me up for adoption. I say write from your heart and the words will come, and yes it will take quite a few drafts. Keep the faith.

Some advice: KEEP IT SHORT AND SIMPLE.. and talk about surface stuff for a while before getting in too deep. My story: 1) I wrote to my birth mother (I followed the short rule). 2) She replied .. a beautifully written 6 page letter 3) I wrote back, asking her hard questions and getting in too deep 4) She has never replied to my letter. Its been 1.5years now. I think about what I wrote in that letter nearly every day, and it screws with my head. Rule of thumb... keep things surface and short for at least 5 letters. I learnt the hard way.

For what it's worth a lot has happened in the past ~3 months. Not only have we swapped letters but I've spoken to her on the phone on numerous occasions but we've met in person (and she met my family) and we have plans on meeting her family later this year. Everything is going extremely well and we're respecting each other's boundaries.

Wow, good stuff!!

Congratulations, Howie! I'm glad things are going well. Iphone - have you thought of sending another letter, just to say that you would like to start again?

Thats good to hear dude! Also i know how you feel: RE MD and their stupid rules. I'm in MD and going through the process of obtaining info...it's a headache. Good to hear your story ended on a positive note.

Hi Nobody not really, Thank you for your reply. Yes. Well, I sent the letter.. waited for about 8 weeks and was like "OMG.. what have I done???". So I sent another letter. It was short, and I included about 8 photos of myself, my family, etc. Also with a small message asking for forgiveness as I did not want to cause her any trouble. Waited about 6 months.. .nothing.. Send another one, explaining to her that I was sorry (again), and that I will not try to make contact with her children, nor cause any trouble for her again.. Nothing again. A part of me hates her. In many ways, I wish she never wrote to me (but at the same time I am so happy she did). Its been about 1.5 years now, and I am in limbo. Anyway.. see what happens. It the not knowing that is annoying. Not knowing if she wants to make contact, or not. If she doesnt then I need to know to delete her from my emotional memory bank. But clinging onto vague hope is really emotionally draining.