Nervous: Meeting birth parent at doctor's appointment on thursday

I was in the same situation with my last FS, but the mom never showed at the visit. Here is what I did: I called the doctor a couple days in advance and explained the situation to them. I told them that I was the foster mother. You'll have to give them placement papers anyway, so it's not a big secret, and is more confidential than sharing that in a full waiting room. Also, it saved the awkwardness of walking in saying "this is my son's mother". You should be able to go and just say "This is Mary, and this is her mother". Then I asked them to email (or fax) me the intake paperwork so I could have it all filled out. That way, when I went to the appointment I wasn't trying to juggle the baby, keep an eye on the mother and fill in all the blanks. By having everything done (I also made a copy of his insurance card) it meant we got in faster, so there was less of the awkward wait time. An additional bonus is you are walking in IN CHARGE and establishing the roles of different people. The visit should be the same as any other, with a few added questions. I "heads upped" the doctor's office (and asked them to make a note on the top in his chart) that this may be the only chance they have to get family medical information, so they should ask ANY and EVERYTHING. I also brought a notebook so I could take notes of what was said. I do this anyway, but especially in this situation because you never know what tidbit the mother might give. Also, to note how she behaved. Did she interact with the baby? Was she cooperative with the doctor? How did the baby react to her? Things like that.

Thanks for your advice, I definitely wouldn't have thought to do all of that. I just called the clinic a minute ago and asked them to fax the paperwork so I could fill it out ahead of time. The receptionist was very short with me (she was probably just really busy) and told me everything is done electronically at their clinic and they don't have any "paper" work so she couldn't send me anything. Now what do I do?! Just try to show up really early to the appointment?

Check with your caseworker on this, but if it were me, I'd let the mother be the mother and fill out all the paperwork, etc... Explain to the office/doctor that the child is in foster care (maybe beforehand). Most have worked with parents/foster parents in the past so it shouldn't be an issue with them. If you've never met the mother before, it might be a bit awkward. But treat her with respect and allow her to be the parent. Respect goes a long ways!!! ;) It's intimidating at first, but you'll get through it. The main thing is to focus on the child and her needs! Good luck!

Can you go to the office a day or two ahead of time and fill it out then? That way it will still be ready. I was told that as the custodial guardian, I needed to fill it out because I was far more aware of the day-to-day things with my FS.

When I meet the mother at a doctor appt, I fill out the paperwork, sign it and all that, while she holds the baby and connects with the baby. It works out really good.Since the mom doesn't have custody of the baby at this point and you do, you are supposed to do the signing and filling out paperwork. As for introducing ourselves, I usually keep it short and just say, "This is (baby) and her mom. I am foster mom." The doctor never makes an issue out of it, the mom doesn't need to be embarrassed. When health history questions are asked that I wouldn't know, I look at the mom and let her answer. The first time I took a baby to an appt where the mom was meeting us, I was really nervous. But I have done it so many times since, that it's no big deal anymore. Just relax and be yourself. Be confident that you know what you're doing with the baby, because chances are, the mom is "greener" than you are and is watching you for guidance.

How did the meeting with the birth mother go? I hope all the paperwork went smoothly. Just remember that you are legally in charge of the child at this point. It's always kind of nerve-wracking the first time I meet a bio-mom!