Daughter is sneaking out of room and stealing. Need Suggestions.

My son is 4. He has a child-lock on the inside of his door so he can't get out on his own. I don't consider it a fire hazard since with his level of functioning he would not KNOW to get out of his room if there was a fire, someone would need to go in and get him. I sort of consider it like a baby in a crib... its not a fire hazard, its for the safety of the baby. Same goes for what we do with our son. He just cannot safely be out of his room without supervision.

My boys have an alarm on their room. The oldest (10) actually requested it as it makes him feel safer. But I have the added bonus of knowing where they are. My oldest is a sugar addict and hides food wrappers in his room. He actually lost the privilege of having a dresser and choosing his own clothes because of it. I don't think he sneaks them at night (as he's got a lot of night related fears and anxiety), but still the food gets there. I'm focusing on the "Bugs will eat the food and you don't want bugs". My 2nd front is trying not to have the sugary snacks that he wants in the house. Which is hard. The kids don't get a lot of choice for school snacks. We have mostly fruit and boring granola bars. Too bad the chocolately ones are the only ones rated peanut free (why do they do that??)

How early is she waking up? Could you go into her room and wake HER up even earlier and do chores or make breakfast for the rest of the family? I know that it may be a rough day or two but she is old enough ( I am assuming she is fairly on target develpmentally) that she may get that getting up early to do some chores isn't all that fun. Or could you be sitting reading and drinking some coffee at the table when she "sneaks" in to get the goodies? Just a few ideas. My FASD/RAD children do so much better when I shake things up a bit. The traditional approach to anything just doesn't work. I also second, third and fourth the door alarm. They are annoying but necessary.

Thank you everybody for you suggestions. If feels good knowing we are not the only one going though the same thing. I have though about the door alarm but keep thinking she would just get it and behave in the morning if we kept talking about it, but it is clear she isnt going too so I am investing in one for sure. She is the sweetest most loving child you could ever meet now. The first year was hell but now 2.5 years in to raising her she is amazing this is that one hurdle we are still constantly struggling with. Thank you ever body for your suggestions. Becca~

I second the alarm on the door-- cheap (~$10 online at homedepot), very effective and safe in that it doesn't lock her into the room. We had these very same issues when my DS was about the same age and we've been effectively using the door alarm ever since. As for the hiding stuff in the room. I would periodically go through his room and throw all the stolen items into a pile in the middle of the floor and then he would get to put them all back where they belong while being supervised by his father. I would then take DD and start something fun that he was missing out on and couldn't join until all items had been returned. That was the most effective thing we ever did. He still steals, hides some, but not nearly so much after putting that plan into place. We also had (still have, but not so bad) the same food issues. The most effective thing I did for that was to look at him and excitedly say, "Oh, you must REALLY like yogurt. Guess what? You get yogurt the next two days." He would then be served yogurt for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a couple days. If it's chocolate chips or some such thing I discover he's sneaking, I'll tell him to pull up to the table and enjoy chocolate chips-- and then give him a large handful to sit and eat. It's not enough to make him sick, but enough that he's well over the urge to sneak anything sweet for awhile.

I definitely agree with the door alarm. FD7 had been getting up in the middle of the night and would sneak all the goodies that would get limited during the day (cookies, cupcakes, candy, etc). After trying to talk with her about it, putting up a 36" babygate on her door, putting bells on her doorknob, her counselor recommended the door alarm. It has been the BEST THING!!! Now, we all sleep better at night - I think because she knows that it will go off if she comes out. SHe tried it once after 3 weeks on the door, but overall it is quiet. I know part of our problem was that her Adderall was keeping her awake and the Rx of benedryl was no longer working. We are now trying Melatonin (started today), so hopefully that will help. Is your D going to bed too early or is the light causing her to wake up so early? Hope the alarm helps everyone sleep better!

We have a gate on our hall that the girls know we can hear when it is opened... it has to be opened by stepping down on it and there's no way to do it quietly with the spring inside of the gate. Plus the dogs bark at any pitter-patter of feet! That keeps them out of the kitchen. I would recommend NEVER EVER denying her food. If that is what her "void" is, then give her a "special" water bottle she can keep in her room and some very low calorie snacks. We use a lot of these: [url=http://www.bhg.com/recipes/healthy/snacks/20-sweet-snacks-for-50-calories-or-less/?page=2]20 Sweet Snacks for 50 Calories or Less[/url] because usually my kids want the "sweet" thing. I bought them some Dora snack sized bags at the $1 bin in Target. They're great! If you show her that when she asks for something you will give it to her, you will probably see a decrease in the hoarding. I never respond with "no" but I will say, "Sure, if you're really hungry, I will get you a celery stick" if they refuse it, my response is, "Well sweetie I guess you may not be as hungry as you thought, maybe drink some water and see if that makes you feel better". Hunger and thirst have very similar signals in our bodies, usually a little water/low calorie juice settles the "I need food now" battle. The alarm is a good idea as well for the bedroom door.

Check out [url=http://www.Feingold.org]The Feingold Diet Program for ADHD[/url] for choices of healthy snacks. They have found some amazing stuff.And re the over-eating of sugar, (typical for traumatized children) have you seen these ideas? Love the humor:[url=http://psa139.blogspot.com/2010/08/life-and-crimes-of-george.html]The Porcupine Dance . . . Learning to Love: Life and Crimes of George[/url]and sequel:[url=http://psa139.blogspot.com/2010/08/and-now-for-rest-of-story.html]The Porcupine Dance . . . Learning to Love: And Now for the Rest of the Story[/url]

The door alarms we bought are motion sensors we found at Harbor Freight tools. They are AWESOME! within a month it all stopped! She gets enough sleep because she just goes back to sleep instead of seeing a weakness to exploit (us being asleep). I resisted this for 5 years, then I gave in and it's been awesome. She's even healed faster!Also the alarm is moveable and the door can remain open (very necessary!!) So we installed the motion sensor on the ceiling in the hallway outside her door. If she even gets close to her door/light switch etc it goes off. After it was installed, we told her if she could get out without it going off, she could have ice cream. She spent a few hours trying everything she could think of. We may have adjusted it once, but she never was able to get out of her room silently. After that she forgot a few times, I made a note of how many jumping jacks she owed us in the morning for making the alarm sound. It allows her to make the choice to leave still, but it allows us to step in, or issue a consequence for her actions.She still uses the bathroom occaisionally at night, but she knows there's a price, so she is sure to limit her fluids and go potty before bed. She used to be up nightly, now she's up monthly. And she never gets up early to read, watch TV, look up inappropriate things online, GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!!! ACK!! or any of that. I can bring the alarm with me into the office, and she won't know it's gone off. Some nights I turn it on, other's I forget. For a long time, she would remind me to set the alarm. And her nightmares stopped.Anyone who looks askew at me for alarming her bedroom, I just remind them of Elizabeth Smart and all the other stranger abductions of children lately.....an alarm outside their rooms would have saved them. And I remind them that she is incapable of being unsupervised. Once they see her "just being awake early" as "hours of being unsupervised", they get it!

I've been meaning to get back to this thread. I finally have time. :)In addition to the door alarm, I think you really need to find out why she has this behavior and what you can do to help her with it. Otherwise, she may just keep at it and look for more and more ways around any barriers you set up.Kids with neglectful backgrounds steal for a lot of different reasons. I would really recommend working with a therapist to help her through this. Stealing is often one of the hardest and last behaviors to ever go. And "stealing" food sometimes never really leaves.I also wanted to add that in our home, we don't punish for stealing food unless it's directed at a person. Like stealing a treat bag after a birthday party they you pay back the person you took it from.My son went hungry a lot as a child. Food is something he must always have access to. We always have a drawer in the fridge of things he's allowed to have as well as a box in the pantry. Those things are never empty and he can take what he wants when he wants except right before meal time. It's annoying when he forgets to throw a wrapper away or feels the need to hide it, but sometimes kids are forgetful and sometimes they worry about being in trouble even when they won't be. I've found the less emphasis I put on the behavior sometimes makes it easier for a child to open up to me about it.Door alarms are great. We've used them on occasion. But for us, the best thing we've found to end a behavior is to also figure out why it's happening.

Well we got the alarm and so far so good, it has worked great. Nothings being taken and when we get up in the morning she is excited to tell me that she didn't take anything. We have been praising her for her efforts and look forward to this being in place for a while. Oh Man it sure is loud though at 6am. :) Our daughter never went with out food so food isn't the main issue at hand. She is very controlling, her life was so out of control the first 4/5 years that she hoards control basically. She steals the things that are restricted from her and fights for control on every chance possible. I talked to her pediatrician today when we were there for a check up and she is going to help us pick the right place to go for therapy. We have put it off hoping certain behaviors would lessen but it is obvious that she needs therapy and we need it to, to help us raise her the best possible way we can. Thanks :love:

Well wouldn't you know it. Our DD got out of her room, alarm sounded said she had to go potty at like 6am so we believed her and instead of going potty she snuck into the kitchen got on the counters and stole a cookie off the fridge. Dangit!! Then when we got up at 8 when she is allowed to be out of her room she came and snuggled with me and boosted that she did so good and didn't steal anything as a reward for good behavior I gave her a cookie before breakfast. Man she was proud of herself boosting to her Daddy how good she did getting praises from both of us, only for me to find a bunch of cookie crumbs in her bed when i checked her room. We had her sit in her bed for the day as a punishment. She lost all freedom to do anything for the day.

When we used an alarm and the child got up for the potty, we always escorted them to and from the bathroom then reset the alarm. It helped for the child to know the consistency of the rule we were enforcing at the time.

Yes, when the alarm sounds a parent must get up and make sure the child goes back to bed without any side trips.

That can be quite frustrating, I know. It's like our kids not only have to be deceitful, but to see just how much they can put over on us. Gotta love RAD. :-/ Our son used to do that too. He would do wrong, then lie about it and get all the rewards and good attention he could before we discovered what had really happened. After several times of this happening, we were able to tell when something was wrong. He would be oh.so.happy and friendly and hang all over me (and not in a normal way, almost an obsessive way instead). He would greet me at daycare with a smile and hug, and I knew right away that he had done something wrong. We would sit him down and tell him we knew what happened. That if he owned up to it, the consequences would be less. We always held out for at least two things because he would confess to a lesser thing first. :popcorn: He is more securely attached now, and owns up to things more readily. He has no idea that he ratted out on himself many, many times in the past. :eyebrows: