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Hi - I'd love to hear from some people who already have biological children in their home (young ones) and have also adopted children. I'm trying to weigh everything - I'm open to a lot of possibility (older children, siblings, younger, special needs, etc.). But I'd like to know what situations might work out and what I might want to be cautious about. For example some might say be cautious if adopting older kids when you have younger ones, some are real strict when it comes to birth order. But I know my kids and I don't think birth order is going to be a problem if the kids are "much older" (big gap) or if they are a year or so younger (in between my kids ages). My oldest is 5 so I was thinking about adopting possibly either a younger boy and/or an older girl (up to age 11). We also have two little girls. We've always wanted to adopt and want all our kids to grow up together. We may also adopt older boys once we're "empty nesters" someday but that's far, far away.
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Our agency is telling us that they believe Bulgaria doesn't like to approve parents to adopt their children if they already have children in the home (especially like us, younger ones). We are willing to take a sibling group up to 3 and/or children who have various special needs.
I've been reading adoption stories from Bulgaria and Hungary and many of the families sharing the stories are adopting from Bulgaria when they already have many more children than we do. ??
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I know of several families who have adopted from Bulgaria who already have children (some have 5 or 6 children already). There are several families that blog who are bringing or have already brought kids home. This isn't a real active forum for Bulgaria. The Bulgaria Adopt yahoo group is much more active. You might want to check it out.
Bulgaria is not strict about family size, but they do consider resources and your ability to parent a large family. I have seen several large families adopt. As well as some of those families adopt related and non-related children at the same time. What i would do if i were you is really talk to families that have brought home multiple children at one time. I adopted a little girl older than my son by 2.5 years. She is currently 6.5 and has been home almost a year. She is doing beautifully... I have given alot of thought to adopting again... based on my children's personalities I feel I won't adopt an older child next time and will adhere to birth order. My daughter has a oldest child mentality... she is a leader and likes to take charge... I don't think she would do well with an older sibling. There is alot to consider when breaking birth order. But I am sorry to say but it doesn't sound like your agency knows the Bulgaria program well to say that BG doesn't like children in the home. I have met personally with the Bulgaria Ministry Of Justice, as well as the Minister of Justice Popova, as a single parent... they did not have a problem with me having a child when I adopted my daughter. I think Bulgaria is a great choice for your family if you are open o older children... and please understand that consistantly parents report that these children's emotional/social and even physical size relate to children many years younger. My daughter is very smart (starting to read in English) even when she came home at 5.75 years (size of 3 yo) old she caught onto the language quickly... BUT emotionally and socially she was about a 2.5/3 yo. Now I would say that she is more equivalent to a 4.5/5 year old. It is a strange mix... because sometimes she talks like she is much older than her age, has an excellent memory, but will have a temper tantrum or melt down like a 4 year old. She is a wonderful beautiful child and if it tells you anything about my experience... I want to adopt again!!! :)Yvonne
When my bio boys were 5 and 7 we adopted a baby girl. Those three are very close. Four years ago we adopted a little boy who is 7 years younger than my oldest, but only 9 months (to the day) younger than my youngest. Turned out he has some issues. He has pysical issues that are totally no big deal. However the emotional issues are huge. He has been diagnosed with RAD and a couple of other things. We had talked about adopting again, a younger child, but there is no way a younger child will be safe around our son. So that is out. He is very sneaky and has hurt my daughter who is like twice his size. He also steals from all of my children. My daughter regrets his coming into the family, my oldest says he doesn't care cause he is graduating soon. My second son loves his little brother but now that he can drive finds himself making excuses to not be home. My youngest has not really bonded with anyone, he has only tried with my husband. He was 6 when he came home and already had so many emotional issues. That would be the only worry I would have about adopting a child older than the kids you have now. I love all my kids the same, and my three oldest are very close to each other. My 17 year old sent his 11 year old sister flowers for valentines day, the three of them hang around and often go out to dinner together, just because. It's sad to me that my youngest is not a part of thier closeness, I have hope that he will heal and they will become close.
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HI Mamsie,The points Momraine made are good ones - she outlines some of the reasons why agencies prefer that you not have younger children when you adopt older PI kids (which are the main group that is adoptable from Bulgaria). Older children have often been removed from an abusive home and due to severe trauma, they may later go on to victimize younger kids who are in their adoptive family.