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Hi,
I'm here to see how i can support my boyfriend (the adopted one) better in his search for his bmom.
He recently got some possible contact information, and its just dialing the number and making the call that's the next step.
He was adopted at birth to an open adoption. Although the papers said his amom would send pictures every year, and said the bmom send letters whenever she'd like, neither of them did.
I think the fact his bmom never sent any letters might be a little concerning towards him..
Anyways, i want to make sure i can do everything i can to support him, but at the same time, not push him to call when he's not ready, or to wait longer to call. I want him to make his own decisions.
Any advice to help me be the best supportive girlfriend ever? :)
Things to say? Things to do? (Like, would buying a book about adoption for him be to much, you think?)
Much appreciated -
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Everyone is different, and guys are different again from gals. The way I dealt with it was mostly as a solo journey. My wife was a quiet supporter in the background. When I wanted to talk about it, she was a good listener and never pushy. The right time to make "the call" is when the person calling is ready. That is mostly getting up the courage to do it; it has nothing to do with timing! It's a big, scary thing to do even for us 'tough' men. I think I picked the phone up and put it back at least twice before I finally called. I didn't want anyone around when I did it, either. Just be there to listen and tell him when he's ready, you support him doing it. That's mostly what we need. Whatever you do, don't nag or suggest time is wasting and to get on with it. This really has to be done at the person's own pace. Once I had enough information to find my b-mom it still took me weeks before I even considered making 'the call'.
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