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We have a six month old baby girl that we have had since she was seven weeks old. We originally were told we would have her short term and that they expected her to be with us for two to four weeks until they could place her with a relative. Well, it's been almost five months now and they have finally identified a relative. My question is this: don't they usually just do a quick background check before they place a child with relatives? That's the assumption I was under. They are doing a home-study and will move the baby when the relatives pass it. The sw said baby would be with us another month or two. That seems a long time for the baby to bond with us and then move to a new home. Do you think maybe they expect the parents to not get her back and are making sure the relative placement will "stick?" The parents are both teenagers with not much support, no jobs, no education. The baby at this time is six and a half months old and very bonded to us. It will be very hard if she bonds with us another month or two and then gets yanked away. She is our first placement and we were straight adopt, but decided to try a short term placement to kind of dip our toes in the water. We never expected to have this beautiful little girl this long and of course we love her and were immediately attached to her.
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going2bparents
Do you have visits with your relatives? Our boys may go to grandma, and we are meeting with them this weekend. I want to be sure they know who grandma is before that happens because there is no transition period here. They are already very bonded to us, (and we to them!), so we want to make it as easy for them as we can. And honestly I would rather they go to gma than back to a bio parent because they are so messed up. The kids would be back in the system pretty quick.
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my2miracles22
We live a 13 hour drive away, so we haven't been able to visit as often as we'd like. But we've jumped on a plane and visited twice so far. And I do keep in touch with the bio grandparents on an at least weekly basis. They see the baby every week, so they're up to date on what's going on with her. I also email with the caseworker periodically.
I feel really bad for the foster parents, as I know it's going to be hard to say goodbye. They have known all along that the baby would go to relatives, though, and they're supportive of the move. I can't imagine being in their position.
Thanks for the input from both the relative side and the foster side. I have to say it's really hard to type with a very curious baby on my lap! She wants to eat my hand, the keyboard, and anything else within reach!
Interesting sidenote: these relatives live just down the road from us-literally less than a half mile. When she goes to them I would love to still have contact. So that leads me to another question: how many of you still have contact with previous placement?
The baby has certainly bonded to you and you to the child. The statement of "short term" placement is certainly a relative term. The homestudy process for a child specific adoption is just as lengthy as a homestudy for a non specific child. I find it refreshing, in a way that just because a family member steps up to be an option for this child to remain with a family member, it's nice to know that this process is for the bio family member that stepped up, too! It takes the best interest of the child to the forefront to make every effort that child will be safe and hopefully grow up in a home to have a wonderful childhood.
I too have had placements that were suppose to be short term and turned out to be not so short term. It is really, really difficult to let go! But let go you must, sometimes!
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Interesting sidenote: these relatives live just down the road from us-literally less than a half mile. When she goes to them I would love to still have contact. So that leads me to another question: how many of you still have contact with previous placement?[/QUOTE]
I still have contact with my FD through her aunt (FD is only 2). We had her for 7 months and it took the aunt almost a year to get her ICPC approved and come to get her, and she hounded her state and mine the entire time. Her aunt lives across the country so I don't get to see FD anymore, but I probably will one day, and I get pictures and hear stories. Her aunt and I developed an email friendship over those months, which I did on purpose, so that I could keep in contact with FD. And I know that she went to a great home and will probably get more from them then she would have gotten from us, because she's got that history and she'll be able to hear stories about her mom, and get all those questions answered.
It's hard though. I miss her so much.
We still keep in touch alot with the previous FP's, especially the previous FM. We live across country so it's hard to see them but we speak via email or phone. The previous fgrandma is flying to Disney next month with the little girl the previous FP's adopted after our daughter left them. We are heading down there to meet up with them for a few days at Disney. I can't wait! It will be alot of fun and it will bring great joy to the previous fgrandma to see our daughter again and we will never cut them out of her life. They took great care of her while we went thru the pain of getting our ICPC done.
my little relative is not yet in care, but we are doing everything we can to get ready when (not if :() he is brought in to care. We did the hs and are getting FC licensing. We are out of state, so we'll have to do the ICPC, too.
Waiting 6, 9, 11 months...?!!?! How will I live? I'm hoping we are READY by the time he is taken in to care, and we can be the first resource (or within a couple of weeks!).
I'm learning so much from these posts. As a FP, would you want to hear from me early and often? Or wait until the CW told you about me?
My fear is that the cw wouldn't make us known until hearts were bonded. :( I'm pretty scared about all of this.
We started this process immediately after E was born, (and the full details came to light), and we've told everyone who will listen that we are here as a resource. I would HATE for that info not be given to the FP, and they be blindsided. We are trying so hard! It would be so hard to miss out on 11 months of his little life!
itri1972
my little relative is not yet in care, but we are doing everything we can to get ready when (not if :() he is brought in to care. We did the hs and are getting FC licensing. We are out of state, so we'll have to do the ICPC, too.
Waiting 6, 9, 11 months...?!!?! How will I live? I'm hoping we are READY by the time he is taken in to care, and we can be the first resource (or within a couple of weeks!).
I'm learning so much from these posts. As a FP, would you want to hear from me early and often? Or wait until the CW told you about me?
My fear is that the cw wouldn't make us known until hearts were bonded. :( I'm pretty scared about all of this.
We started this process immediately after E was born, (and the full details came to light), and we've told everyone who will listen that we are here as a resource. I would HATE for that info not be given to the FP, and they be blindsided. We are trying so hard! It would be so hard to miss out on 11 months of his little life!
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I'd considered that. One other relative is the only other choice, and she is actually the one who asked me to get involved in the first place. We meet with a lawyer experienced with ICPC on Tuesday to figure out a plan. We don't know what to expect, but are thinking it might be that she is where he goes short term, while they figure out what the "plan" is. Once the goal changes, maybe then he'd come to me. We don't know much, and are trying to learn as much as we can so we know what to expect.
We are about 5-6 hours away by car, and we've offered to drive back weekly for visits (I know visits might happen more often). I have family about 1 hour from where they are, so I'd have stuff to do down that way while visits were happening.
But I plan on visiting her and him as soon as he gets to her house! So that at the very least we can start bonding.
I hope sw is open to us being first choice (and it would work better for my sis-in-law).
If she's not the FP short term, I'm hoping the FP would let us come visit at least weekly, and be open to sharing info via letters or email (through sw is fine, of course).
On the other hand, I know FP's are busy with all the other meetings, appts, etc, and taking care of the little people in their care. So I don't want to put anyone out.
itri1972
As a FP, would you want to hear from me early and often? Or wait until the CW told you about me?
My fear is that the cw wouldn't make us known until hearts were bonded. :( I'm pretty scared about all of this.
I have a very good relations w 3 of my prev 8 kids...I speak to the parents of 3 more as there cased went to tpr & case closed kinship care.
One I did have contact w she's 19 now and seems to have just vanished...waitn to someday hear from her. I have no idea where she could be...she posted on her fb she was going to see her bio mom...nothn since that was about 18 months ago.. :-( the other was 2, and was at my home only a week.
[QUOTE=itri1972]I'm learning so much from these posts. As a FP, would you want to hear from me early and often? Or wait until the CW told you about me?
I would want lots of contact, early and often. It helped that we had lots of contact with FD's aunt, and it really did feel like I was taking care of her daughter for her. That made it easier.
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I really like hearing from the "family" perspective. I didn't think about the fact that the relative placement would probably really be itching to meet baby and get to know her to start bonding. Makes sense though. duh! Lol. I was just thinking about the baby being scared of new people. It would be good for everyone if they could meet baby and me and develop a relationship before she moves. I am thinking about asking baby's SW if we can meet the bio relatives sooner rather than later. If they are anything like baby's mom and dad we will get along fine.
I asked SW about transition and she mentioned bringing baby to DHS and having a visit. But, if baby just gets put in their hands (strangers to her) I think the visit wouldn't go that great. She's entering the stranger anxiety stage.
I am hopeful for continued contact based upon all your responses about past foster kids that you still have contact with.
We have a six month old baby girl that we have had since she was seven weeks old. We originally were told we would have her short term and that they expected her to be with us for two to four weeks until they could place her with a relative. Well, it's been almost five months now and they have finally identified a relative. My question is this: don't they usually just do a quick background check before they place a child with relatives? That's the assumption I was under. They are doing a home-study and will move the baby when the relatives pass it. The sw said baby would be with us another month or two. That seems a long time for the baby to bond with us and then move to a new home. Do you think maybe they expect the parents to not get her back and are making sure the relative placement will "stick?" The parents are both teenagers with not much support, no jobs, no education. The baby at this time is six and a half months old and very bonded to us. It will be very hard if she bonds with us another month or two and then gets yanked away. She is our first placement and we were straight adopt, but decided to try a short term placement to kind of dip our toes in the water. We never expected to have this beautiful little girl this long and of course we love her and were immediately attached to her.