B Sister - I want her gone

I'm an adoptee, and this is SOLELY my opinon, but I think many of us adoptees hide behind the "medical information/pictures" stuff so we DON'T hurt our afamilies, and in case we suffer rejection, like your bsister is. Your Dad did all he is morally obligated to do. I feel for your bsister.

LJ6, What TX said above... So now answer the following question...If you mom would react different would your dad perhaps want to know your sister, to know if he had grandchildren? To add to what TX said - No two adoptees are alike and from that era there are 6 million of us...we are ALL unique and have different desires. Dickons

I agree with everything TX said - if all any adoptee wanted was medical history and a photo there would not be websites like this dedicated to helping all members of the Triad to overcome there issues. To suggest "thats all they wanted " is almost an insult. What we struggle with can never be understood by a non adopteee but perhaps you could read some of the threads here to understand a little better. I too, feel for your bsister, whom you want gone.

I agree with the others in that I feel for your sister. To be honest though, if I were in her shoes, you don't really sound like someone that I would want to be sisters with anyway.

I think it's great that you are looking for information. I feel for your birth sister, but I also feel for your dad and certainly for you. It sounds like you are the one caught in the middle in this situation, and it's not surprising you wish it would all just go away. Some situations just don't have a "win-win" solution. Please remember that no one in the situation - not your dad, your mum, or your birth sister - is your responsibility. You only need to take care of yourself. Your dad has the choice of if he wants a relationship with her. So do you. If that is something you want, you can pursue it; if not, then don't. You also, though, can't control what your birth sister does and needs; she has the right to want information, contact, whatever. If your father is unwilling to provide that, then hopefully she will respect his decision, even though I'm sure it will be very painful for her. Again, NOTHING in this is your responsibility or your fault.

I think you posting here, in itself, is you trying to make sense of this and the family dynamic you have, but you mentioning this concern of wanting her out of your life is a bit much. Since her inital email to your father, is she constantly contacting you? You give the impression she is emailing you and your father constantly 24/7. You make mention of her wanting to go beyond the medical information and picture because I get that tone. I don't think one contact with your father is something that is creating chaos as you describe. But, is the deeper issue forgiveness? Are you forgiving your father for creating a child out of wedlock? Walk in the shoes of your bsister. What emotional, medical, family issues is she facing? Her child has a strange illness that has no explanation? Does she feel abandoned? Is she facing an illness herself that needs answers? I think you need compassion when it comes to others in this situation. Perhaps, she may have answers about some medical issue you have as well.

This is sadly a common occurrence. Your Father really has no right to be annoyed with the child he fathers for finding him. He created her, he has a responsibility to her. I find is so cold and calculating when I see how some birth families feel about their adoptees. How awful for your sister to find she belongs to such a callous group of people.

I feel sorry for your mother. How sad that your father is keeping such a big issue from her. Sounds like the marriage regardless of how many years should be tough enough to with stand something like this. It happens. It's certainly not your sister's fault that she was born nor was it your fault. You Dad does get to choose what type of relationship he gets to have with his other child. If he chooses none thats on him. I feel for your sister though. How sad to be given up for adoption finding your Dad years down the road and he doesn't want anything to do with you. Must be extremely painful, plus a cold reception from the rest of his family ouch! I hope your motives for not wanting contact aren't selfish. I'm proud of you for coming here. I'm sure it wasn't easy because you were bound be to told that we support the adoptee in their search. So you were brave and perhaps our posts will open your heart a little. I'd tell your mom. There is no room for lies in such a relationship. I'd be beyond hurt if my own child kept this from me. She's here now. You can't erase her. So everyone being open and honest about it with everyone is always the best way. Good luck dear, I hope it works out for all involved.