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I am stay at home mom of three; my youngest is 8, followed by a twelve year old and thirteen year old. Today I was placed with darling 2 and 3 year olds, it is my first day as a certified foster parent and I am feeling extremely overwhelmed. I feel a little trapped going back to such small children. I am worried that I am not going to be the kind of mother I need to my three biological children because I am so busy with the toddlers. I felt so good about doing this and have the support of my husband and children, but I still can't help in feeling overwhelmed and scarred. Have any of you ever felt this way? How long did it take for you to feel OK about your new life? Thanks
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Short answer- a couple of weeks in my experience. It will get easier, you'll fall into a routine, and get used to the preschool stage again. It's great that you are so supported by your family! My bio kids are very young, and our first placement was a sib set of three- a 3 yr old, 2 yr old, and 1 yr old. After the first week I cried to my husband and said I couldn't do it anymore. He told me he knew I could do it, and to look at how happy the kids were at that exact moment. He was right- we made it 14 months before they were reunified, and the kids went home different kids, with much-improved parents!
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Hopefully your evening has gone pretty well. And if not, it'll only get better :)It's been a tough road for us the last few weeks. It seems like two steps forward and one step back. Other times, we have giant leaps back and have to catch up. And sometimes I wonder what I was thinking bringing a baby into the house again (btw, my bios are 16 and 18!). The 5yr old has some significant issues requiring extreme supervision and being on top of things. It's HARD.But we are starting to get into some sort of pattern. The only thing making it extra tough on us right now is that the perfect home situation fell into our laps so we're moving this weekend which has it's own stresses then add our little guy's stresses about moving on top of his other stuff.So the routine is falling more and more into place and it gets a little less overwhelming as time goes on.One good thing about having older kids is that you can put the babies down and still have a little big kid time. And during the summer, you'll have nap time also. Those connections will be good for y'all. AND your big kids will benefit from the opportunities of being around and helping the littles. Compassion, empathy, tolerance, patience, etc are all great things to learn :)
It takes a little time for things to feel normal again. As for going back with the young ages, maybe you can ask for older kids next time? I know I only want kids over 6 years old. However, next weekend I am doing respite for a 1 year old and 3 year old since it is just for the weekend. If it were all the time, I would have said no. And its ok to say no to kids that aren't s good fit for your family.
I remember that feeling too as soon as I became a foster parent. I wanted it soooo badly, then when my first placement was there (a 2 year old boy) I was extremly overwhelmed... right away.. of course he was sick with a cold when he came, I had been working nights but switched to say shift, he didn't sleep, and neither was I and then I got a cold. He was only there a week, but it was a difficult week! But each placement I have gotten since then the first week is a bit difficult, they are scared you have a million things to do, and you don't know them. After you get that first week behind you, things smooth out a bit...
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