***Think LONG and HARD Before Adopting Through The Foster System

First, let me say I'm sorry for what you are going through. But... HARSH is the best word that comes to mind. Many, Many people have had very successful adoptions through Fostercare. It sounds like you are going through a really bad situation, but to try to warn people NOT to adopt through fostercare, just isn't right. Maybe tell a little more of "your" story and you might find a ton of good advice. Again, sorry for what you are going through, but your subject line is harsh and not true in most cases.

Wow, I am reaklly sorry about your experience, but let me tell you... this is an extreme situation. While I, too, think it's terrible to scare people from adopting through foster care, I encourage you to tell your story. The more we know and share what we know, the more we do to ensure an adoption is successful for the next person. I hope your family can heal. I hope you find some peace.

ditto the above two. I personally know dozens of good, caring foster parents (including me). And many, many successful adoptions from foster care (including my own) What happened to you sucked.. but to paint all foster kids and homes with the same brush is more than harsh

I agree with all the PPs. I saw on your other post that you are already seeking to re-place two of your children, so guessing you are posting this at the end of a long hard road. I'm giving the benefit of the doubt here in assuming this is intended as a vent and not because you truly believe that all children in foster care, by virtue of having been victims, are not worthy of having a family. My FFD was a victim of THE most extreme SA you can imagine and given the right resources and help has been able to overcome and thrive. My son, adopted from foster care, had brought incredible joy to our lives...and this is the norm, even though it's not YOUR experience. My heart breaks for you and for these kids as it sounds like it is too late in your mind to try and save the children or your family unit. There must be more to your story and I know you would find lots of help here should you desire it.

Seems like your state of South Carolina really stunk at informing you how adoption from foster care works. I mean, I can't think of any parent that goes into this process thinking there will never be any issues. And while yes, the files don't contain all the information and we all know there are corrupt social workers in every state, it's the exception, rather than the norm, imo. Can't tell you how many profiles we all see that clearly say "attachment", "rad", "odd" etc., so they are indeed out there. I also know that there are a lot of code words used in files and absolutely need to read between the lines. That's why it's so important to educate before finalizing and we absolutely do encourage education here! Wherever you lived at the time you did your homestudy and took your required classes should have informed and educated you. I'm surprised you'd get through foster care classes and not have ANY inkling that sexual abuse is possible, especially with a sibling group. I also adopted from CO and had an awesome experience so I'm sorry you weren't able to have a similar one. I found my experience to be the exact opposite actually, with the social workers and our class instructors telling us every single possibility to be aware of. I, in fact, found them to be over the top at times in educating us on possible issues we might run into adopting from fostercare. Hopefully you get the help you need for therapy and all else that will be needed to heal your family. Dissolutions are done all the time, so not sure where you get that piece of inaccurate information.

I have to say that I am very disappointed in this posting. I feel that it is very demeaning to the children in foster care and to those that want to adopt. Children are unique and all have different coping mechanisms. With that said, all potential adopters should be very educated about traumatized children and related behaviors that can occur. The caseworkers do not know everything that happened in the child's life on a day to day basis. We have had referrals for multiple kids with a RAD dx and experience of severe sexual abuse. These things happen to bio children too. Our family friend has two boys that were molested by the neighbor and one became a perpatrator and went to juvie. The families now have to live separately-Mom with one boy and Dad with the teenager bc they are not allowed in the same house.

Our experience has been wonderful. Though crazy. Yes we have special needs. Yes SOME of our children came with dx others did not. But my bio son didn't have instructions on how to parent him either at birth and he is Autistic.For every bad story there are hundreds of good ones.Sorry you are struggling. I honestly understand your situation having been through our own struggles but to judge ALL because of a few is utter stupidity! Foster care doesn't ruin children. Circumstances that THE CHILD had NO control over makes life difficult for that child. Situations such as these can happen anywhere. Bio home, relatives, foster care, babysitters, church patrons and that is just a few I can think of. Wish I could be more support for you and your family but I completely disagree with your post. :(

I guess I don't know exactly what to say here. When I saw the title of the thread I expected to read a posting about how hard it is to get through the court hearings, how hard it is to see a foster child leave or something of that nature. I don't think your posting is meant to demean the children in the foster system, but to vent about how you were "mislead" by the system. I can't believe that those 3 children were plopped in your home and immediately adopted. There had to be some time that you had them BEFORE they were adopted wherein you could have seen some signs of these issues and decide whether or not you could live with them...or better yet, get them treated. In a case like this, I feel more sorry for the kids who are living in a home they are not welcome in and being cared for by someone who is trying to find a way to get them out.

Think long and hard before adopting. End of sentence. Children, regardless of where they are from, are individuals and should be treated as such. My sons both came from foster care and are the lights of my life. One came to me after severe abuse and we went through enormous struggles. One came to me without that baggage. They are together the two halves of my heart. Don't paint all foster children with the same brush. And, remember, your children did not ask to be so badly damaged by the adults in their lives that they can't love or attach. They deserve compassion.

Many of us have adopted kids we have to be on close observation of 24/7 or they may injure our other children. Many of them have witnessed horrific things, been horribly physically, sexually, or emotionally abused, or "simply" neglected. And they have behavioral problems as a result of that. Many of them over time, have healed dramatically. My four adopted from foster care kids are an AMAZING blessing to me and my family. They are not perfect and neither am I. But being a part of their process of healing, watching it happen, has been such a gift. We all have down days, or weeks, and some kids can make us question our own sanity for what we go through. Sometimes we give it all we got and it just aint enough. I thank God my cousin I became legal guardian over came of age, left my home, and I no longer have responsibilty for or have to interact with, even though I love him. It was too much, too scary, and I'm so glad he's gone. So I get it. But hear what I just said.... He was my BLOOD COUSIN & he put my family through a living nightmare... My adopted foster kids, while having very serious problems, have healed dramatically. Please do NOT put all foster kids in this category of damaged beyond repair kids! They are there through no fault of their own, they are hurting, and they need our compassion.... ALL 500,000+ of them. I sincerely hope you AND your children find healing and peace.

First off, I want to say that I understand this is a website to promote adoption and share in the stages of it. Still, I must say that I find it tragic that there isnt a section where people are free to post their stories of traumatic outcomes and shattered lives, and the things to beware of to help others truly consider the risks and what to look for. If you are one who has had your life shattered by adopting there is no place to post on the main adoption sites or you face a landslide of contradiction and opposition. This is wrong, and it is why I have openly posted. In the early days of my research on adopting I remember reading that approximately 800,000 children are entering or are in Foster Care a year nationwide, but only about 30,000 are getting adopted out. Each child in Foster Care brings the State thousands of dollars a month in Federal Funds, so there is terrific incentive to keep cycling the children in and out of Foster Care and their bio homes. We found that only Ohio has a Foster program focused on the children. As I recall, if their abusive parents donҒt get their act together within 6 months their rights are terminated and the infant or child is placed for adoption, and the children are put into a Foster Home that would want to adopt them if at all possible, so there is no more trauma in transition. EVERY State in the nation should have this as policy. Those of you who say you are so gung-ho on making a difference need to work and fight for THIS to be the policy in each State. As it is now, most children are cycled in and out of Foster Care until they are devastated inside, and most age out of Foster Care and then have no good home or loving parents behind them as they face the big world out there. Many are sexually abused in Foster Care. Most all children entering Foster Care have been sexually abused, no matter what you are told. That means that all to often, children being place with other children in Foster Homes come up against kids who will sexually use them and teach them worse than they knew when they went in. I do believe that there are many loving people running Foster Homes, but there are many that are doing it for a check and because as child molesters they get a steady supply of kids who have already been taught to never tell when molested. Changing State policy to place children for adoption after 6 months of no change in the bio parents would save countless children from what ours went through. As to our personal story, we took a sibling group of 4 children, and were told that they had no sexual abuse issues. They were in their Foster Homes for about 2 years before we got them and they were 10, 6, 5 and 2. Within 2 weeks we found that the oldest child was sodomizing the younger ones at night after we were asleep. The children had been brutally abused in their Foster Homes, which had mothers who were sisters and both participated in group abuse of the kids. The children were thoroughly trained to never tell and to cry as silently as possible as they were being abused. When we reported what we found their Case Worker AND our Adoption Case Worker played it down and told us that children often self-abused and we should not be concerned. I walked in on the oldest girl trying to rape the younger one with a toy hairdryer. That proved our suspicions. It took 2 months to get the oldest girl out of our home Җ their home State did not want to help or accept them back even though we hadnt adopted yet. We had to wait 6 months to adopt. In all likelihood their Case Worker didnҒt want to believe it because it looked bad against her for not finding it out before we accepted them. We naively thought that in removing the oldest sister the younger ones would be okay and could be helped to recover. Instead we found an iron-willed determination to hurt the younger child and to teach them to defy and not love us, to lie and hurt each other and to be bad whenever they could, as their oldest sister had them promise before she left. It took us months to find out what the children did when we left the room. They never told on each other, and they suffered silently when being molested. Their Foster Homes had incidents like Duct Taping the youngest boys mouths shut and having the children and adults take turns sticking them with knife tips and sodomizing them with sticks. The oldest girl that remained drummed it into them secretly that she was going to do that if they didnt do what she said. We finalized the adoption on them without knowing this was reality behind the scenes. It took months and months to uncover each stage and finally have the big picture. A child who is or has RAD and ODD tendencies is not going to cooperate with you in trying to help them change, and they are going to have a will that is inhuman in defying and carrying out their plans. If you have never parented a RAD or ODD child then do not give your opinion against me. You donҒt know what you are talking about or the mind bending toll it takes on your emotions and relationships. Our final choice was to place the oldest two for private adoption in the hope they could get the help they need from being an only child with a dedicated Mommy and Daddy. The 6 year old boy has been accepted by a wonderful family, but the 7 year old girl has not been chosen to date. She is able to bond and is a polite and obedient child outwardly now, thanks to our daily training and Home Schooling, but her determination to hurt her brothers must be a serious consideration for any couple thinking of adopting her. We are keeping the 4 year old because we hope and pray he has not been permanently damaged emotionally in all of this, and he has significant physical impairment due to being starved as an infant. If YOU would like to adopt the 7 year old girl after reading this please visit her website and let us know. You cannot have younger children in your home. Website removed for violating Terms of Service.

There are loads of people who list bad experiences here. They get support and have a platform. if you look in the special needs forum, under "RAD" and SA, you'll see similiar stories The line you crossed, imo, from my perspective, if when you warned about "foster kids" in general. When you do that, you erase my experience and threaten the prospects of kid I care about getting a good home. that gets my mama bear hackles up

We don't allow matching or solicitation of children & families here. Thread closed.