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Hi all,
I would love to hear some positive stories. We are in the matching phase of straight adoption of a 9-13 yr old girl using Adopt America Network. We have only been matching for 3 months.
We have a pretty realistic view of the trauma the children have faced. I have read about 5 books and love Heather Forbes and Bryan Post. My husband loved Heather Forbes as well. I used to work in the psychiatric field and in RTCs so I am knowledgeable of the behaviors and diagnoses.
Right now, we declined on 6 or 7 girls, most in PA.
My question is this-Do all girls on the websites have a dx of RAD and close to severe behaviors? we were selected for a 10 yr old girl out of state and once there was disclosure, they told us she was in RTC and would need fulltime Wrap-Around and then respite care weekly in order to be placed into our house. She could not live full-time in a home.
I cannot believe that all of the girls listed are physically aggressive & assaultive to adults, damage furniture, and rage for 2 hrs. We have read 5 profiles in PA and 1 out of state and they all had these behaviors. I also realized that abilify is the new drug of choice in the field currently. I think 6 girls were on abilify.
Maybe we are expecting too much? Any suggestions? Words of advice?
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I consider our adoption a success, but parenting my son is far from parenting a typical child.Trauma, neglect, abuse, loss and so on all cause changes, and in some cases, damage to the brain. My son, adopted at 4, is different from his peers. His brain reacts to situations differently than most 12yos. He does things that I can't even begin to fathom the reason behind. His list of acronyms is extensive. His medications are not what you see typical middle school boys on.To successfully parent a hurt child you have to first accept them for who they are now with the knowledge that things may never get better and may even get worse. You work and hope and pray for improvement and sometimes it comes and sometimes it doesn't. My best successes in parenting has been when I meet my son where he is and change my expectations rather that expect him to meet mine.The thing is the life these kids have lived has changed them on a permanent level. Sometimes things are worse than they appear in photo listings and sometimes they are better. You can't really tell.
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So true!! Mine are all older child adoptions. My first, L, came to me at 6. First goal was RU but then TPR happened. He has a learning disability. He was first placed with his sibs; then with me a month later as there were stories of SA. P, his bio brother, was in an RTC. He was the victim of SA by bio father. He had alot of rage when he first came home. But, he's healed dramatically. I put him in every sport and activity there was. This helped him tremendously. J and B, came to me at 5 and 6 and TPR had already happened. I was their 6th placement, the one prior to me, lasting 4 days. They raged, fought, cursed and a host of other things. They've also healed dramatically. They've also done sports, activities; had therapy; they're on meds. It totally depends on the person's psyche and also how their 1-2 years were.