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So, in the state of Georgia, if a child is born out of wed lock, the father has no parental rights to the child, even if he has signed the paternity acknowledgment paperwork at the hospital, the legitimization paperwork needs to be filed with the courts,
upon doing so the father will also be filing child support against himself,
My DH and I have been talking about it for months, he wants to adopt Monkey, but I always for some reason thought that I would have to get his bio father to TPR, until Saturday when I was talking aloud with a friend about it.
Her DH wanted to adopt her girls, but right before they got married the girls father went and legitimized them, so that her DH could not adopt.
The reason I'm at a loss is because I want what is best for Monkey, he knows his dad (D), he loves his dad, but he also knows that his dad comes and goes as he pleases.
For a while I went as far as spending every Sunday with D's family so that Monkey could see them all calling D and inviting him, letting D hang out at my house all afternoon so he could spend time with Monkey, but if it wasn't for me calling and harassing him all the time, we wouldn't hear from him.
But i've noticed that its starting to affect Monkey, he's getting seperation anxiety, he always thinks the people that he loves are going to leave. Monkey spends more time with D's ex wifes family :(
My heart hurts because I know D loves Monkey, but I want something perminant for Monkey, I want to be able to know if something were to happen to me tomorrow that Monkey wouldn't be in a tug of war between my Dh and D (who has already said he would fight DH for custody) D isn't established enough in life to take on full time parenting, hes living with his sister, no job, no car, no phone, I just want what is best for Monkey...
..is it wrong for me to go through with the step parent adoption without discussing it with D first? I know he would fight, but I also know he would not pay child support (hasn't for the 5 years Monkeys been on this earth) and he would continue this in and out as he pleases...
any advice would help...
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Babyrachel, Have you looked into permanent guardianship as a solution? That way M retains both his natural born rights to his original birth certificate and name but your husband confirms to the court he is fully commited both financially and day to day care as one of his parents until he reaches the age of majority? It may also make M feel secure... That way if anything happens to you M is protected. YOU should also have this all detailed in your will and you need a will regardless of whether or not guardianship or adoption takes place. YOUR wishes outlined in your will naming your husband as guardian hold weight. Just something else to think about as an alternative - not so drastic of a step to take. Kind regards,Dickons
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I think if you want the assurances without a legal battle ensuing in the event that you die, then yes, you'll need to do the legal TPR. While your will does hold weight, there is nothing to stop D from contesting it and even winning.
That said, if you want to do the TPR, you do need to let D know. It's only right.
Maybe he is willing to give up his legal ties for a more consistent vistitation schedule? If he knows that he's only obligated to visit once a week with no pressure, would that change his consistency? His title wouldn't have to change, he can still be "dad".
If he's not doing anything to be a real parent then I see no reason why he should reap the benefits of coming in whenever he pleases and certainly not paying child support. IF he wants to step up and pay the suppport and be a parent, then by all means...he should have the "legal choice" to make that clear.
Dickons,
in response to the will idea, I have discussed this with D (because I'm just that kind of person that talks about EVERYTHING important) and he has stated that he will fight, regardless of whether it is in Monkey's best interest to stay with DH. :hissy:
That is my fear, I do not want Monkey stuck in a fight. DH has also stated that if he does adopt he wants Monkey to keep his last name in honor of D's family.
Crick,
here in Georgia, I wouldn't even have to have D, TPR because he has no legal rights to M. Unless he legitimizes. [url=http://panessafamilylaw.com/learn/child_custody/georgia_divorce_law_resources_child_custody_illegitimate.htm]Georgia Child Custody Info; Children Born Out of Wedlock; Atlanta Family Lawyers[/url]
This just sucks!
When Dh and I started dating I made it VERY clear that I was not loking for a father for Monkey, because he has one, yet DH is more of a father the D has ever been.
I want Monkey to be tied to his roots, he is the last boy of the blood line, the last to carry the family name, but I want to protect my little man, I want him to know that even if D comes and goes that DH and I will be there for him.
Its just heart breaking to watch a man post pictures on FB of him and his friends at parties yet he can't spend any time with his son (or even his daughter with ex wife)
Maybe I'm too nice, over all these years I've given him a chance to step up,I've never threatened child support, only asked for help when we really needed it and I've always left the door open, yet as he has stated before "the kids will get it when they get older, I got over my dad being gone" but he hasn't, hes still angry and so is his sister, and I don't want Monkey to have that same anger.:grr:
I just don't even know what to do any more :confused: :(
Ah...I get it now.
So he's already had 5 years to legally claim Monkey and yet chooses not to so that he doesn't have to pay child support. I think 5 years is plenty of notice. He knows full well if he wants to be the legal father he needs to do this.
In the end you really need to do what's right for Monkey. He deserves a father willing to step up ALL THE WAY.
I'd still tell him beforehand. Not because you owe him anything but because you want to be able to tell Monkey years from now that you gave D every opportunity to do the right thing.
BabyRachelVA
Dickons,\I have discussed this with D \ and he has stated that he will fight, regardless of whether it is in Monkey's best interest to stay with DH. :hissy: That is my fear, I do not want Monkey stuck in a fight. DH has also stated that if he does adopt he wants Monkey to keep his last name in honor of D's family. here in Georgia, I wouldn't even have to have D, TPR because he has no legal rights to M. Unless he legitimizes. [URL="http://panessafamilylaw.com/learn/child_custody/georgia_divorce_law_resources_child_custody_illegitimate.htm"]Georgia Child Custody Info; Children Born Out of Wedlock; Atlanta Family Lawyers[/URL] I want Monkey to be tied to his roots, he is the last boy of the blood line, the last to carry the family name, but I want to protect my little man, I want him to know that even if D comes and goes that DH and I will be there for him. I just don't even know what to do any more :confused: :(
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MamaS...:loveyou: I think I needed a kick in the butt... thank you
MamaS
Yes, you do know what to do. You know your DH is a good man, a good father and will take good care of your Monkey.
You know that D is not interested enough in his son to spend time with him, has stated that he would reclaim his "property" even if it were better for Monkey to be with DH, and would rather let him be labeled illegitimate than risk having to pay child support.
You also know that you do not NEED D's permission to do the adoption and the law states he does not even have to be notified.
So, "man up" and do what needs to be done. Get a lawyer and do the adoption. Write a will after the adoption, leaving Monkey's physical and financial guardianship to DH - now his legal father.
Then, inform D. Nothing has changed really. Monkey still has D's name, D now has no threat of having to pay out any cash money and he can see your son whenever you decide to allow it. He can have a hissy fit and try to contest, but that will involve him paying for a lawyer, going before a judge and saying "I did not legitimize my son because I did not want to pay child support but I do not want him to have a father who will support him!". Yeah, that will go over big time!!