open adoption with sibling visitation?

I'm so sorry finances are causing you to have to consider making an adoption plan. I hope you've checked into local resources to see what help is available if you want to parent. I'm sure others on here will make suggestions as well. As far as your baby having a relationship with his/her siblings, I'm not sure what sort of relationship you mean, but you're not nuts. Our son has a sister who is 2 years older than him. It's important to us that he have a relationship with her. Her picture is in his nursery. When we talk about her (okay, he's only 6 months old and doesn't understand yet, but one day...) we say, "your sister _____" and we're going to visit her in a couple of weeks. This will be the first visit, but that's by his first/birth mom's schedule. We're happy to have him see her more often. Obviously he won't have the same relationship with his sister as he would if they'd grown up in the same home, but we want there to be something. And you didn't mention this, but I'll add it as it pertains to our family--we also believe it's important Peanut has a relationship with his first mom (birthfather is not in the picture). If you DO decide to make an adoption plan, hold out until you can find the family that has the same wishes as you. Either way, it's a risk. The adoptive parents can change the agreement in the future unless you're in a state that has legal open adoption agreements. But there ARE families out there who truly want open adoptions and continued relationship. Good luck to you and your family.

We have adopted two little girls and we have visits with their older brother, and he attends their birthday parties etc. The visits are not often, but enough that the kids know each other, and my girls now at ages 2 and 3 remember him between visits. I do have a picture of him with them in their room as well. It is definitely possible :)

As far as having an OA with visitation for both you and your kids, that isn't a unrealistic request. If you're agency is saying it is, find a new agency. There are plenty out there that encourage open adoptions and will help facilitate them. Be warned though that in most states they aren't enforceable, and even when they are it's tough. The birth family has very little power in the relationship and the aparents can close it. Just keep that in mind, as it's not just your hopes for a relationship on the line but those of your kids as well. I also want to stress that adoption is so hard, and I'm single without kids. I can't imagine the pain siblings would go through of losing their new sibling to adoption. It's a huge loss that you never get over, it doesn't fix any problems. I'm telling you this not to upset you, but if the finanicial situation you're trying to navigate through can be resolved any other way, if you can get aid, or temporary help from family or friends, do it. There are too many bmoms out there that regret they placed in order to fix a temporary problem, it's a very permanent solution and it causes it's own set of problems. If you would like some blogs of bmoms who placed when they were already parenting older kids, PM me, and I'll pass them along. I know this is probably an incredibly scary and frustrating time for you. Many of us have felt some of the same things you're feeling. I hope you are able to navigate this and find the support you need. :love:

We didn't go thru an agency, but directly thru an attorny. We were able to work with the bparents and decide our own future. My son who is 1 has a 2 year old brother and a 5 year old sister. I was able to pick up the sister on her 5th b'day and taker her out for a girls day, and we are allowed to spend as much tme with the sibs as we want. (the bmom recently died, but bdad is still pretty open to us seeing them.) I love this relationship as I really want our son to know them. THe 5 year old was able to go to dr appts with me and her mommy and see the baby and hear the heartbeat. They involved her in the decision a lot. She knows he is her brother and she loves him dearly. We also have an agreement that if for any reason they can't care for the others (it is a very bad situation) that we will foster them until they are able. It's like we are their godparents! Funny thing, the bdad has no desire to see my son now but is still open to us seeing them. Odd situation, but it works. Good luck finding an agency or attny that will get you what you need (and deserve!)

just an update and a thanks for the encouragement to keep looking! we did find a wonderful adoptive family who is TOTALLY into taking us as a family instead of just taking our baby. any one who reads this please please please dont ever stop looking for the perfect family... if you cant find them dont do it!

So happy you found what you wanted! We are 10 years into our open adoption and my kids definitely have a solid relationship with their big brother. In fact, my 10 year old and his brother communicate with each other on their own. It is not at all unusual for me to ask who my son is on the phone with and have him tell me it is his brother ( they both have their own cell phones). And even though we are 3 hours apart and don't physically see each other as often as we would like, technology has bridged that gap. Facebook, computer games, xbox live...... I think it is pretty cool how close they are!