help me

You don't just go to a country and adopt. International doption is a legal process involving the laws of two countries and, as in the case of Hungary, Hague Convention #33, a multinational treaty on international adoption. (Both the U.S. and Hungary are parties to the Convention, which means that ALL adoptions from Hungary to the U.S. must go through the Hague process.) And like most legal processes, adoption is a LONG process, which will take at least a year from homestudy to homecoming, and often takes at least two years. The first thing that a person should do is study the requirements of the foreign country you want, to be sure that you qualify. Unfortunately, I'm not aware of any countries, at this time, that allow single men, whether straight or gay, to adopt. The countries that need foreign parents for their children -- usually in Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe, and Latin America -- tend to be very suspicious about men who wish to adopt. In general, it is easier -- though not easy -- for a single man to adopt domestically. So do your homework carefully. Once you are sure that you've found a country that will accept you, and that will place the type of child you feel that you can parent, with regard to age, health status, gender, and so on, you will need to have a homestudy in the state where you live. A homestudy is required for adoption from any country or the U.S. In the case of international adoption, it must meet the requirements of your state, the USCIS, and your foreign country of choice. Most homestudies take one to three months to complete. They are designed to both approve you to adopt and to prepare you for the challenges of parenting an adopted child. The homestudy will require a great deal of paperwork about yourself, such as your birth certificate, records of any marriages or divorces, proof of employment and salary, proof that you own or rent a home, results of a criminal record check and a child abuse check, etc. You will usually need up to three or four counseling sessions with the homestudy social worker, in which you will discuss topics such as your approach to discipline, your ability to balance work and parenting, your familiarity with some of the health issues of internationally adopted kids, etc. You will be asked to provide the names of at least three references. You will also need an inspection of your home, to make sure that it is safe and welcoming. Your home will need to meet all local safety, occupancy, and other ordinances. If you live with others, they will need to be fingerprinted and interviewed. In some cases, states require prospective parents to take a preadoption course, either on-line or in person. When your homestudy report is finished, you will need to complete a form called the I-600A (non-Hague adoptions) or the I-800A (Hague adoptions) and submit it with the homestudy report and some other documents to the appropriate USCIS office for your state. You will need USCIS approval in order to obtain a visa to enter the U.S., and this is the first step in obtaining the approval, where the USCIS declares YOU qualified to bring an orphan to the U.S. Later on, the child's qualifications and the legality of the adoption will be reviewed. USCIS approval can sometimes take a few months. Once you have your homestudy and USCIS approval, you will choose a licensed, nonprofit adoption agency that has a program in your country of choice. The agency will help you prepare a dossier of documents that the foreign country (or the foreign country and the Hague Convention) requires, and to get the appropriate authentications or apostilles on them. The agency will then submit them to the foreign country. After your documents are in the foreign country, you will have to wait until it identifies an appropriate child for you, which could take a year or more, in some cases. You will then be invited to come to the country and meet your child. With some countries, you can actually do the finalization in-country on that trip. Other countries require 2-4 trips to bond with the child and finalize the adoption. With Hague adoptions, you will have a good deal of paperwork to do before you travel. Once you finalize the adoption in the foreign country, you will proceed to the U.S. Embassy in that country to obtain your child's visa. Your child's documents and your documents will be reviewed to make sure that issuing a visa can be done, according to the terms of the U.S. Immigration and Nationality Act and, if appropriate, the Hague Convention. Once you have your visa, you will travel home with your child, to begin your life as a parent. In short, if you are going to be in Budapest on September 10, you will NOT be doing an adoption. If you find a country that will accept you -- and, frankly, that may not be possible, you can expect the adoption process to be long and, sometimes difficult and frustrating. Now, if you choose to adopt domestically, you will have an easier time, though it still won't be easy. There are many biases against single male parents. You probably will not have luck doing a domestic agency adoption of a newborn. However, you may be able to do a private adoption of a very young child, using a social worker for the homestudy and an adoption attorney for ensuring that you observe legal requirements and for finalizing; you will locate a birthmother on your own. You may also be able to adopt a child through the foster care system, or an older child who has had a disrupted placement and is represented by an agency. If you adopt a child from out of state, you will have to go through a process known as the Interstate Compact. Otherwise, it can be a straightforward adoption in your state. If you truly want to adopt, become an expert on the various options you have, and recognize that you won't get a child in your home as quickly as you wish. The protection of children is important to people around the world, and while the laws and processes may seem annoying, they are present to ensure that kids don't come into homes where they will be abused, neglected, or abandoned. The laws are also designed to protect birthparents and prospective parents from exploitation. Sharon