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We have been matched with a 14 year old girl. We met her this past Wednesday. She seems like a really sweet girl. We all liked her and we are told she liked us. We didn't get to visit for long so I feel a little weird about saying she is ours yet. She said she wants to see us again so we are taking her fishing on Sunday. I'm wondering what other families that have adopted teenagers have done as far as when you start calling them your daughter/son, saying I love you, how you introduce them to people, etc. I'm not really looking for advice, just stories. My plan so far is to just play it by ear and do whatever we are feeling at the time. Our daughter (5) is already calling her a sister and I'm wondering how the 14 year old will react when she hears that. I'm also planning on including her in the holidays with our friends and family and don't really know how I'll introduce her. I'll probably just say her name and not provide any other information unless she volunteers it. This is all so strange and scary! But super awesome at the same time. I can't wait to go fishing with "my" girl!
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My 11 (now 12) yo fd was in residential treatment when I met her. She started telling us she loved us at about the second visit. It actually took me back at first and set off some alarms because I thought that was really soon for her to say that and I was worried about possible RAD but I followed her lead with that.
We did a very slow transition where we visited every two weeks for about two months, did home visits every oher weekend for about two months, and then she came home. She started calling me Mom about a month and a half into the site visits. We had the discussion about what she should call me. I told her she could call me by my name or whatever she felt comfortable calling me. She asked if she could call me Mom and I told her that would be fine with me and she used that term afterwards. I've had two foster placements - her and a 4 yo and I've found that it's best to let the child take the lead on when they are comfortable with calling you mom or dad.
I started introducing her as my daughter when she moved in with us. I sort of alternated between calling myself her foster mother and her mother and calling her my foster daugther and my daughter. Today I mostly call her my daughter and if someone I know says that they ddn't know I had a daughter that old, then I explain that she is my foster daughter but I will be adoptng or obtaining legal guardianship whichever DCFS says can happen soon.
CRAZY_WOMAN
I always hated being called a foster daughter, would be embarest, when people associated me, as being a foster child.
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