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I am visiting a young lady who may or may not becoming to stay with me. She is hours from her family and her worker so don't think she gets many visitors. Wanted to leave her some snack foods or something she might need. Any ideas.... want to be nice but not seem like I going to buy her stuff all the time... PS she is 16
was also thinking of taking her shopping at my fav resale shop and letting her spend like 20 dollors of my credit there... we will be an hour from my house so thought we would do some window shopping and have dinner....
I think your instincts are good. Maybe don't bring anything the first time, but mix in "treats" as a special thing later on.
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Personally I'd go with the instinct that says bring nothing the first time so she doesn't expect it. Ask her what she likes. Then go get something along those lines, bring to second meeting. Book, food, something personal.
I wouldn't spend $20 on her the first time -- how do you top that? Would you give her $20 discretionary spending daily? Probably not... so best to not set up the expectation. Also, parents are supposed to... be in charge, not in an authoritarian way, but kids need... parents. Giving her the ability to decide what it's spent on... rather puts her in charge. Not the best message for first encounter. In my experience, whether 3, 7, 13, 17, these kids are dying for someone to "be the adult". Their parents weren't adults.... It's a relief for them when someone is.
Dinner is enough, IMO, for a first evening.
I offered to let her spend $20 but she did not pick out anything.... Did bring her snack food and a notebook with pen because I know no one visits her her worker and parents are 4 hours away.... I did buy her a 2 dollor belt at the mall. She wants to go to indepented living and did not want to move again so she will to be coming to stay with me. Great kid though I pray the best for her
Sounds like it was great! Wishing you the best. I think you had a good balance between making her feel special, and setting unrealistic expectations.
So I think you meant "will not be" coming to live with you?
If she's best suited for independent living, it's lucky that she knows that. Good for you for going to visit her, and being kind. Do you want to try to keep in touch in some way?
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I thought of keeping in contact with her but I am afraid once I do have placements I will not be able to keep doing it due to the fact that she is an hour away. I did not want to be another adult who did not keep promices or just walked out of her life.